Spittin' Chiclets with RA, Biz, and Whit: Interview with Rip Wheeler!

[ScottyP 200]

Spittin' Chiclets with RA, Biz, and Whit: Interview with Rip Wheeler! 

 

(This is strictly parody, for sweet TPE and is in no way associated with Spitting Chiclets, Barstool Sports or any of its entity’s…please don’t sue me Dave Portnoy!)

(Intro music)….

 

RA: Hellllooooo everybody, and welcome back to the Spittin' Chiclets podcast presented by Pink Whitney, the grapefruit flavored vodka that's as smooth as the Oilers girl when she goes tarps up... well, maybe not that smooth, but hey, it gets the job done! Today we've got a real beauty on the line, a guy tearin' up the VHL for the Vancouver Wolves, Mr. Rip Wheeler himself! How's she goin', Rip?

 

Rip: Hey there, boys, appreciate you uh, havin' me on. Doin' alright, just tryin' to keep my head down, nose to the grind stone and contribute what I can for the boys in the room. 

 

Biz: Head down, eh? Sounds like someone's been spendin' a little too much time your boy with Ninefingers eh?! You boys still givin' him a hard time about that whole cluster earlier this year?!

 

Rip: Oh yeah, you I uh, can't let the big fella forget that one. He’s a walking gong show after hours!…but, truth be told, the way he sauces the biscuit around without an extra digit to play with, maybe it's even, uh ya know an, uh advantage!

 

Whit: Right, advantage, maybe he took some of that length and added it somewhere else?! Haha

 

Rip: Haha, damn, you boys are alright. Listen, gotta give credit where credit's due, you know uh, Ninefingers is a helluva player, even with the… uh…you uh, “handicap”.

 

RA: Speaking of players, Rip you’re havin' yourself a career year, buddy! Career high in all the o-zone categories…and emerging as a leader for the Wolves. And this team's right in the thick of the playoff hunt. What's clickin' for you guys this season?

 

Rip: Well, gotta say, you know uh. the boys on the team have been unreal. Laz is lightin’ up the scoresheet, Marty is ya know uh crushing it uh himself…but uh yeah group effort ya know? And uh, let's not forget the Undertaker himself, Mark Calaway, keeps the boys loose in the locker room and buries the ops at the blue line. 

 

Biz: The Undertaker? The Ops? Let us in, Rip…what the hell are you talking about baud?

Rip: Damn Biz, thought you uh ya know, kept your ear to these hockey streets…Cally’s just got a way of pumpin' the boys up with those old school entrance themes from the old WWF days ya know? You hear that bass drop and those guitars lighting it up in the locker room before a game, it gets the adrenaline pumpin', let me tell ya baud. And uh, ya know out on the rink, he’s a straight killer, just gravedigger style for the boys! 

Whit: So, wait, entrance themes, eh? Sounds like somethin' outta Slapshot. You boys got any other pre-game rituals? Break it down for me Rip. 

 

Part 1: 500 words (Media Spot)

Edited July 1 by ScottyP

[ScottyP 200]

Part 2: 

 

Rip: Well, Girts, our goon or sometimes straight up goblin, ya know he loves to crank up some AC/DC before every game. Apparently, it's good luck cuz he’s ya know knocked out half the league at this point. I’m more of a legion of doom guy, ya know uh, rocking out to uh the Ol iron man banger before the games…other than that it’s uh ya know, post game whiskey and “See-Gars” as old Niners likes to put it! 

 

RA: Sounds like you guys like to live it up…but are you guys all stuck in 1994 watching Bret Hart, Hulk Hulkster and Sean Michael’s tear it up?! Haha But on a serious note, Rip, you guys are makin' some noise in Vancouver. What's the feeling in the locker room with the playoffs just around the corner?

 

Rip: There's a good buzz, uh ya know with the uh boys, a real good buzz. We got the talent, the chemistry, and let's not forget that good Ol Vancouver riotous spirit. We're hungry for a shot at the cup, that's for sure.

 

Biz: Well, we're pullin' for ya, Rip! Listen, before we let you go, any good off-ice stories for the listeners? Something to give them a glimpse into the wild world of the VHL?

 

Rip: Oh boy, where do I even fucking start huh boys?! Alright, how about this one. We're on a road trip in uh Moscow? Dead of winter, coldest place I’ve ever uh been ya know. We won, so Vlad was big mad!…anyways. We get back to the hotel after a game, and there's Niners, in the lobby, shirtless, housing some stoli vodka and doing snow angels. Turns out, the hot water pipes burst in his room, and that was his way of coolin' down! We might be on the uh ya know, the uh FSBs most wanted list, but all and all…ya know uh, we gotta out of there with uh a, a win, some Russian vodka, some smokeshow Russian maidens and by the skin of our teeth baud! Winners all around! 

Whit: Sounds like a typical night for the boys from Van! 

 

Rip: There you go, Whit. It’s what we do! You boys take care, and thanks for havin' me on!

 

RA: Thanks for joining us, Rip! Best of luck

to you and the Wolves in the playoffs!

 

Biz: And hey, if you boys win the cup, we’ll be coming to the parade in our favorite WWF attire, smashing stoli vodka all the way! 
 

[ScottyP 200]

@Scurvy

@Thunder

@Frank

@Gaikoku-hito

[Gaikoku-hito 2,089]

Epic read!!