Sharky takes aim: The roast of Rip and Scotty!

ScottyP · August 12

This is my interpretation of Sharky aka Thunder roasting me (Rip Wheeler/Scotty P)…that is if he was actually funny! He’s not, but I enjoyed this attempt at some self deprecating humor!

"Alright, let's give it up for the T-Triple G, Rip Wheeler! The self proclaimed Team Guy, Glue Guy….Rip says he’s the glue that holds this team together. More like Elmer's, not epoxy. He's the definition of a 'team player', which is code for 'doesn't score enough goals'.

You’re the Jimmy Hurdstram of hockey, Rip. Always there to deliver a tough, inspiring speech, but when it comes to actually scoring goals, you're about as effective as a one legged guy in an ass kicking contest!

Hey Rip, remember that scene in Yellowstone where Jimmy couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn? Yeah, same energy when you’re shooting the puck!

And let's talk about your fashion sense, Rip. You look like you raided a cos-play cowboy convention. I mean, cowboy boots and jeans since when? You ain’t a cowboy son, you’re too old to play dress up!

You know, I was thinking about your adopted life philosophy of Scotty P. from 'Meet the Millers,' 'No ragrets.'…Well, Rip, I've got some “ragrets” for you. I regret watching you play hockey. I regret not betting against you. And I really regret that you're on my team. So, let's hear it for Rip Wheeler, the king of missed opportunities…thanks for reminding us that every game is a new opportunity to disappoint us all over again."