Trades I would make if I was Drunk (I am drunk right now)

[AJW 2,229]

Happy theme week everyone and happy day off of work to me. It’s 2pm in the afternoon and I am already right in the f**kin slot. Sober enough to know what I’m doing and drunk enough to really enjoy doing it. Almost time for another drinkypoo I’m getting low. It’s really time though for me to make some hypothetical trades in the VHL while I have a great buzzaroonie.

TRADE 1

 

To Warsaw:

S98 LAS 1st (most likely a top 3 pick)

 

To Prague: 

Every player on Warsaw’s roster

 

Both these teams suck this season let’s be real, but Warsaw more than Prague. While Prague is looking to finally come out of its hole and also hold this great pick, why not grab a bunch of players instead to fill up the roster and finally put a 6-4-1 on the ice. On the other hand, Warsaw will be without a 6 skater roster which is against the rules. F**k the rules. When you’re at the bottom you can’t go much deeper right? They’ve got four 1st rounders this draft and adding the LAS 1st will give them five… I’m sure if a penalty of losing a pick is thrown at them for having an empty roster they’ll be fine.

 

TRADE 2

 

To Calgary:

Toronto’s entire Defense and goaltending

 

To Toronto: 

Calgary’s entire Defense and goaltending 

 

I just don’t like how MID Toronto’s Defense looks with most defenders  in the 700 TPA range. Make a little swaparoo, why not? Both TPA totals are pretty close. Toronto could use some variety to shake things up, it isn’t very appealing to the viewer’s eyes. Calgary can’t lose here, Toronto should take some notes from Calgary they are higher in the standings.

 

TRADE 3

 

To Seattle:

A 6 pack and a “Congratulations on a well done career”

 

To Retirement:

GM @Banackock

 

Dude’s been there way too long. Hedge and Bana had a long going GM battle, when Hedge finally kicked the bucket Bana said “lemme really make this record untouchable”. He’s the most winningest GM, he’s done this GMing thing for like 8 years now, how many more cups are needed to get this man out of office. Maybe the value on the trade is a little low and Retirement should throw in a couple j birdies Seattle’s way, but at the end of the day old man Bana needs his pension cheques coming in soon.

 

TRADE 4

 

To Helsinki:

B-MAL G1

 

To Malmo:

S99 MAL 1st

 

Let’s be honest here Helsinki has a goaltending problem. User Tuchy has the lowest TPA of any starting goaltender in the VHL. Helsinki does have Drew Mac as a prospect waiting to come up next season, but that is too long to wait if Helsinki wants to make the playoffs this season. Instead making this trade to give Malmo their 1st back is not only a gentleman’s act, but the right thing to do. B-MAL G1 has 8 games played, 7 wins, a 0.919 SV% and a 2.13 GAA. Helsinki’s goalie?… 50 games played, 11 wins, 0.915 SV%, and a 3.62 GAA. Not to point any fingers, but Helsinki might have a problem in the crease that needs fixing.

 

 

Alright well I think that’s 500 words. My tin can sounds hollow, time for another.

Edited 9 hours ago by AJW