Lee's No Good, Very Bad Day

[OblivionWalker 333]

Today just sucked.

 

There's no other way to put it. In addition to some things at my job going very wrong today (thanks to night shift, why is it always fucking night shift?), there was a birthday celebration thing for our day lead, who is a very nice lady. Normally, I would have really been looking forward to this because working with a Latinx crew means there's going to be some really bomb food.

 

But as some of you are aware, I was diagnosed with type two diabetes very recently and that means that there are some things I simply cannot have or have a lot of. Sugar is one of them, of course but so are carbs. I can have some, but not a lot.

 

So, as I came up the stairs to the eating area where our crew usually goes, my heart just sank. Lots of soda, none of it diet or the "zero" kind, a big thing of rice (which I can only have a little of), chile relleno (which is battered up and fried so again, not something friendly for me), tortillas (big source of carbs, two to three of those would be my carbs for the entire day) and two glorious cakes (loaded with sugar).

 

Out of all of it, I was able to have a scoop of rice and there was also a sauce that had some carrots in it so I had a little of that spooned over it and that was all I could have.

 

My work bestie, as much as I love her, really didn't help. She kept trying to get me to eat things, like "just have a little cake!" and I had to tell her several times that I just can't do that right now, My A1C levels are going to be high for a while because the medication that I'm on takes about three months to really kick in. I'm doing my best to be careful in the meantime, so those levels start to come down. Once they do, then I should be able to have a small piece of cake for someone's birthday once in a while. For the moment, though, I don't even want to open the door to that. It hasn't even been a full month since my diagnosis, and I figure it's easier to ease up later and start off pretty militant right now so that I can truly get used to this new normal.

 

Having to watch what I eat so closely has felt very isolating and today really drove that home. Two of my coworkers were enjoying what looked like a really awesome cake with strawberry filling and I was sitting there, munching on my grapefruit. It's weird to think that a month ago I would've been right there with them and now I'm not. It's like an invisible line has been drawn between me and literally everyone else on my crew.

 

I kept thinking of a lyric from a Gordon Lightfoot song when I went back to the production floor after lunch. "And I will never be set free as long as I'm a ghost you can't see." I feel invisible, and like my wants and needs don't matter as long as everyone else gets to eat and be merry.

 

It sucks.

 

(word count: 551)

Edited Thursday at 02:52 AM by OblivionWalker

[der meister 3,337]

That is all around a rough day, and the GL quote really hit home. Sorry, Lee. Hopefully tomorrow is better!