Jericho 917 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 The Pajodcast Player Agency: Part 5 The Fellowship Schisms "Wake up you glorified pylon!" Jax Barnstormer awake, after being shaken awake by a blurry figure at the edge of his vision. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes the lines sharpened and he was able to make out the shape of a very angry Daniel Braxton continuing to shake him. "What's going on? Aren't you and Skylar supposed to be on a mission?" "That was TWO WEEKS AGO! Rift lost contact with us after entering Marcellin's cell and we hadn't heard from him since, until this morning. He's got Wahl and they both got off the rig but Kendrick put a tracker on Wahl. They know where we are, so we are leaving!" Shock ran across Barnstormer's face, "Two weeks ago? What the hell have I been doing?" "You took a puck to the face in your last game against Brampton and have been in a coma ever since. Fucking useless goalie, you only took 15 shots! We've been trying to wake you up ever since! Anyway, back to the point, grab your gear! WE! ARE! LEAVING!" Barnstormer, moments before taking the puck that would put him in the coma Jax sprang into action, quickly dressing and throwing his pads over his shoulder, Barnstormer raced to the Pajodcast jet, where Sullivan sat at the controls. "Dude you know how to fly a plane?" Barnstormer asked, obviously impressed. Sullivan pushed his decorative spectacles over the bridge of his nose, "After retirement I took the liberty of getting my pilot's licence. I can take off and land on a city street if I need to." Rift nodded, "It's been really handy ever since we all decided to apparently join Spec Ops after a hockey career," Looking at Barnstormer he continued, "Hey kid, I saw that last game of yours. You really need to put your helmet on a little better." "Gee...thanks," Jax said sheepishly. Just then the group all felt a small buzzing in their ear, and a transmission came in over their codec's. The voice of Ryan Power came in over the frequency. "Team, it's Power. The Kendrick situation is dire. Some footage of Rift at the destroyed plant got out and Joey's been running a smear campaign against the agency. I need you all to go back to regular activities, except Skylar...we need you to go underground until Interpol finds someone else to bother. That means we need Wahl back in New York, and take Angelo with you. Laich, I want you to head back to Cologne with Kellinger. He's still got ties to the team and I don't want anyone other than Skylar left alone. Braxton, Sullivan and Pajari are to accompany Barnstormer to Bratislava. He needs to be back on the ice before his draft stock plummets, but we have reason to believe that he's Kendrick's new target. Miller and I don't have any player's in the minors, and VHLM teams don't have nearly the same security around them as the guys in the pros. That means that Jax is the most vulnerable, so Snow wants everyone who's available on him. Given Braxton's close relationship with all of you, we can have you all in the arena without drawing too much suspicion. Lay low until we provide further instructions." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jax and his bodyguards headed to the local bar shortly after Sullivan has finished dropping everyone off. They wanted to act natural, and it was very uncommon for Jax to avoid the bar when the Watchmen didn't have a game. The four men found a table in the corner and sat down with beers for Barnstormer, Pajari and Sullivan, while Braxton took a shot of tequila. After a few minutes Pajari leaned in and whispered, "By the pool table. I think I saw that woman in the recon photos. She's one of Kendrick's, and there's a chance she's here for Jax." Possible Kendrick Assassin Sullivan downed the rest of his beer, "Alright I'll go talk to her, pretend to seduce here, James Bond style." Braxton snickered as Sullivan walked away, "More like Hardy-boys style." The other three men watched as Sullivan walked up to the girl, whispered something in here ear, and promptly returned to his friends. "I can't fucking believe it. She actually said, "I only count three rings. That isn't good enough for me," Sullivan said, gesturing to his trio of rings awarded along with his Labatte Trophies. Braxton sprang to life, brandishing his four Labatte rings and made his way to the woman. Jax watched as Braxton talked the girl up for a while, both engaged deeply in conversation. Sullivan sat sulking in the corner, until Braxton eventually returned to the group." "What happened? She turn you down too Brax?" Sullivan asked eagerly. "What? Oh, no dude. She's not one of Kendrick's men. I just came back because I need a cup to show her a bar trick and seal the deal. Can I borrow yours? I never got a cup," Braxton said, cheerily. Continued in Part 6... Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/16168-claimedthe-pajodcast-player-agency-part-5-final-66/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoop 3,432 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Wow this was really good. Actually I didn't read it. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/16168-claimedthe-pajodcast-player-agency-part-5-final-66/#findComment-170086 Share on other sites More sharing options...
pxzero 65 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'm back from a *not wanted* break from the internet! However, here's a grade as a belated x-mas present. Content: 3/3 It's all there. Grammar: 2/2 - there were a lot of lazy errors in this one. Proofread, or I'll dock you next time! both got off the rig, but Kendrick put a tracker on Wahl. - comma his shoulder. Barnstormer raced - makes more sense as a period hockey career." - makes more sense as a period codec[']s - no apostrophe. It's a plural of codec, not belong to codecs. have any player[']s - no apostrophe again. plural, not belonging to something in her ear - no e. Here ear makes no sense "I can't fucking believe it. She actually said, 'I only count three rings. That isn't good enough for me,'" - use single quotations when putting a quote inside dialogue. group. ["] - floating, unnecessary end quote Appearance: 1/1 Looks good Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/16168-claimedthe-pajodcast-player-agency-part-5-final-66/#findComment-170351 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jericho 917 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 I should mention that the standard format for dialogue around here is to use a comma in place of a period if you have more to type after the quote. Just as an FYI. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/16168-claimedthe-pajodcast-player-agency-part-5-final-66/#findComment-170474 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoachReilly 688 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Claimed Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/16168-claimedthe-pajodcast-player-agency-part-5-final-66/#findComment-215408 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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