The Hero: Part IV [Final:6/6]

[Ramicus 147]

The Hero:

Puppet Master

or

Rule of Thumb

 

When we left off, George “The General” Patton was in Havana, Cuba. He had previously been in Cancun, Mexico, but that had only been a layover for a few hours on the way to Havana. Before that, he had been in an undisclosed North American city, where he had been in a really cool rental car but unable to use it. Before that, he had been in Paris, where he had yelled at people from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

 

 

What was The General doing in Havana, Cuba? Not much at all. He had a small apartment, and a large room in the back of a tall building. He had Cherry Baxter, but she was at the beach most of the time. Apparently Playas del Este (Beaches of the East, for those of you who do not speak the local language of most of the world at this point) was nice most times of the year, even if it was packed with people who weren't Americans (because we all know that proud Americans don't associate with damn commies (and before you get on my case about that one, The General is German and Cherry Baxter is from Australia)). She spent her days swimming and he spent his days training. There would be plenty of time for swimming at the beaches of the Carribean when the evil organization known as HYDRA was vanquished, right?

 

 

One particular day, George “The General” Patton had allowed himself to sleep in. It was raining, which meant that unnecessary hot sidekick Cherry Baxter was still asleep (beaches really aren't so much fun in the rain). The rain put him in the mood for food, so he ate a bowl of a cereal known as Unique {letter next to L on the keyboard} (copyright laws are destroying the world of George “The General” Patton, aren't they?). Then he ate a second, being hungry. Then he stopped eating and began the long and arduous journey to the little door on the side of the building that was taller than almost everything in Havana.

 

 

The door was harder to open today, which struck George “The General” Patton as slightly odd. Luckily for the readers, The General was an idiot, and so forced it open. Just a few inches in, a cement wall had replaced the large room of exercise. Further investigation showed a small matchbox taped to the wall. Below it was a small note.

 

 

“The fire is lit, Mr. Patton.”

It was not in Mr. Corey Wayne's now-familiar handwriting. The General was very confused. What was going on?

That was the last thing that went through his head before a burlap sack was forced over it, and he was thrown into the back of a truck.

Come back next week for…

A BRAND NEW SERIES!

[lere2001 90]

Content 2.5/3 - I think that... This really wasn't about much. There was a lot of rambling, not much advance in the storyline except for him eating breakfast and opening a door. This was barely above the limit at 459 and I felt you only got there by rambling off topic. Too much of this article was in parenthesis. That's my two cents.

 

Grammar 2/2 -

 

Carribean - Caribbean

 

Appearance 0.75/1 - You had the pictures, but I felt that you added too many for what the article really was and it just made the article feel too broken up and disjointed.

 

Overall: 5.25/6

 

NEEDS SECOND GRADE

[pxzero 65]

Content: 2.75/3

I'm going to go with lere on this one. It's a little short, and the "related to the VHL" is getting tenuous at best. You get a pass this week, mostly because this is the "final" hero post, but I will be more harsh next week. 

 

I'm also not sure how exactly he opened the door a few inches into a concrete wall, then managed to find the matchbox taped to it, unless he has crazy Mr. Fantastic-like extendable fingers. 

Grammar: 2/2

Didn't really see any issues.

 

Appearance: 1/1

I've never had an issues with the overabundance of images. I found it was a part of your style, disjointed like the story & sentences themselves.

 

Overall: 5.25 + 5.75 = 5.5 rounded up to 6
It was a close one.  Next week, we'll be watching!