Encarnacion Ranks Minor Penalties (#20->#16)

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According to Wikipedia, there are 26 varieties of minor penalty in the sport of hockey. As a PIM expert, I will be ranking all 26 PIMs, giving you a good guide as to how you should attempt to hockey once you get on the ice.
 
#20 - Throwing Puck Towards Opponents Goal (For Goalies)

Look, I can understand that being a goaltendersman can be difficult, what with being consistently under pressure from opposing players looking for the goalie sack. However, you can take your intentional grounding of the puck bullshit elsewhere ok? If you don't have confidence you can give the puck to your teammate, be a man and take the sack, don't be a pussy and throw the puck away.
 
#19 - Leaving the crease (goalkeeper)

 

This isn't often called as it's a special PIM that is only called if, in an emergency or an extreme tie-breaking situation, the hockey game becomes a cricket match. 

 

#18 - Participating in the play beyond the centre red line (goalkeeper)

 

You are not Michael Vick, you are a fucking goaltendersman, stop scrambling and stay in the pocket! Sometimes this is also used for goalies who are eager to get PIMs and, while I appreciate that, you are blessed with the hand speed attribute. You do not need to go halfway up the ice for the sake of 2 PIMs when you can use your suprerior hand speed to vigourously wank in your own goal and get the full 15.

 

#17 - Leaving Penalty Bench Too Early

 

Look, you went to the penalty bench for a reason, and that is so that you could use that position to motivate your teammates from the penalty box. Leaving early only hurts your team.

 

#16 - Slashing

 

So you realised that the illegal equipment penalty is never called and you decided to bring a knife onto the ice, that's a great idea! But, wait a minute, you failed to connect with your wild swipes and not only are you set to be banned from being within 100 miles of the state of Ohio, you were only able to pick up the 2 PIMs where you would have gotten 5 and maybe even the full 15 if you connected with your slashes. Appreciate the effort though, better luck next time!