Wingate allergic to sliced bread

[CowboyinAmerica 2,843]

 

Calgary -- After a hot start, rookie Calgary Wranglers goaltender Hans Wingate has begun to cool off. His save percentage is now under .920, and despite a few shootout wins, he still is tied for the most losses among all goalies in the league. Where have things gone wrong? To hear the Calgary team doctor talk, it may have begun around the time Calgary traveled to Stockholm to play the Vikings.

 

"That game, Wingate just seemed off. He couldn't focus to save his life," team doctor CAL FUCK MAYBE told reporters recently. "I tried testing for everything, but I couldn't figure it out. But then I went on VHL.com, and boom, it hit me."

 

In an odd twist, Stockholm goaltender Blake Campbell announced that he is the best thing since sliced bread. For Hans Wingate, this was a problem: The goalie has a strong gluten allergy, and the doctor believes that playing Stockholm and something even better than sliced bread may have affected him from across the ice. His condition did not get any better after playing New York.

 

"E'Twaun Delicious called himself the best thing since sliced bread as well! We couldn't escape it," FUCK MAYBE said. "We've had to do some emergency procedures to try and fix Wingate's allergy. He was in pain, but at least we got him away from the super-bread."

 

For Calgary, the doctor may be the team's best hope. While Wingate is holding on for dear life now, coming in contact with the best thing since sliced bread again may result in damage that cannot be so easily cured.

[eaglesfan036 4,593]

At work I was playing around with bread and my boss told me to quit loafing around 

[STZ 5,339]

Kurtis Hunter haunts him in his dreams tbh

[Jamie 438]

Wingate sucks on big knob

[CowboyinAmerica 2,843]

Better than little knob. I have standards.