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M. Nocturne Shamalamalamalon Rookie Profile [Final 6/8]


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M. Nocturne Shamalamalamalon




Martello Nocturne Shamalamalamalon is a hulking defensive defenseman, registering at six feet eight inches and two hundred and fifty pounds. The eighteen year old man-child, hailing from Ohmyakin, Siberia, the usual holder of the Northern Pole of Cold for the coldest recorded temperature in the Northern Hemisphere.






Shamalamalamalon is one of those big bruising shutdown defenders who can contribute offensively but is primarily on the ice to prevent scoring chances. Working on his checking, core strength as well as his puck handling skills has allowed him to become a prodigy two-way defenseman, providing more offense then he did early in his career when he mostly killed penalties, blocked shots and tossed his body around much to the disdain of the opposing team. His drive, passion and team first attitude has seen him beloved by his teammates, earning him the nickname "Smiley" due to him always smiling all the time and providing a laid back and joking atmosphere within his locker room.








However one of his biggest issues and probably the most readily apparent from the start of his career is his poorer skating and terrible passing ability due to him learning how to produce an incredibly heavy lethal slap shot, he never properly developed skating technique and is only now getting to the level and speed needed to contend at the higher level, his coaches being very patient due to his rocket of a shot from the blue line, he unfortunately has stone hands when it comes to passing, usually placing the easiest passes a few feet in front of or behind his teammates.






Ideally, you'd want his booming shot on the power play if he can bring his other skills up to par to compete at the minor level and hopefully enough by the time his VHL career starts for it to not negatively impact his team. Overall, he is a hard worker and is used to playing heavy minutes, placing his body on the line and making the lives of his opponents as miserable as possible.

A very dedicated team member, who enjoys being relied upon to prevent goals on the penalty kill and at even strength. A possible insane willingness to place himself in harms way has a story of him blocking a shot with his jaw after losing his helmet and refusing to get out of the way of the previous years Hardest Shot Winner.

He played the following night but used a full face mask, stating "I am no man, wear face shield make me baby but doctor say I cannot play without face shield so I play with face shield. Make coach much happy to not see me die on ice I guess. Back home in the motherland, in my hometown when you get hit with puck, so cold too numb to feel, do not care. Hurts little bit now that it not so cold but to me, loss hurt more especially when not block shot and shot go in and loss."

(502 Words)

Edited by Tixe
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Looks good, some advice to get 8 would be


Try and expand on the pro and con parts if you can, since that is worth 3 of the possible 8 points. Check some of the other rookie profiles in this section to get an idea of what to write for the pros/cons. You can make your own background so add anything you can think of for pros and cons pretty much.

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Overview: 2/2 - I think you gave a good description of your player in the Summary section. 


Pros & Cons: 1.25/3 -  You named Three Pro's and Cons, but you did not expand on them or give an in-depth explanation that is needed for the Rookie Profile. The Pros & Cons are the most important part of the rookie profile so I think you missed the boat on that. Also it should be the majority of your profile around 300-400 words and yours was around 220. 


Grammar: 2/2 - Other than the cons paragraph it was okay. Don't feel like it was enough to necessarily take off a point. 
Siberia, the usual holder  = Siberia, and the usual holder  
his poorer skating = his poor skating
to contend at the higher level. His coaches (I would've stopped the sentence here because it was a never ending sentence) 
his coaches being very patient = His coaches were very patient
passing, usually = passing and usually (again a really long sentence that needed a and to finally end the list)


Presentation: 1/1 - It's fine. 


Overall: 6.25/8 

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Overview 2/2 Pretty good everything required is there


Pros & Cons 1.5/3 Like Tylar said, its a bit short, try to go more in-depth on them since they're supposed to be the main part of the rookie profile.


Grammar 2/2 Not much else to fine, couple of run on sentences however


Presentation 1/1 Looks good


Overall 6.5/8


Final 6/8

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