Claimed:Black Velvet Rookie Profile [Reviewed]

[Higgins 3,618]

Black Velvet #8

Defenseman

Hometown: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Height: 6'2"

Weight: 215 lbs.

 

Welcome to the Victory Hockey League, Black Velvet. The man, the myth, the legend from Mississippi in the middle of a dry spell. Born in Toronto, Ontario, this good old Canadian boy has been practicing the game of hockey ever since listening to Leafs Lunch on TSN 1050 with hosts Bryan Hayes, Jamie 'Noodles' McLennan, and Jeff 'ODog' 'Snacks' O'Neill. Black Velvet listened to the radio show for over a year like a new religion that will bring you to your knees. In this case it brought Black Velvet to the ice rink, where he would put on his Beats by Dre headphones (now only $199.99 at your local Shoppers Drug Mart) and practice hockey for hours listening to the Leafs Lunch crew bloviate about the NHL and the Toronto Maple Leafs.

 

This is where Black Velvet wound run into another hockey player, code named Unassisted. Unassisted was also a native of the Toronto area and the two would practice together whenever they could. The strange thing about them practicing together, was the fact that Unassisted refused to put the puck into the net if Black Velvet had previously touched it. The two friends would play hockey until the sun was setting like molasses in the sky. During the off-season when Leafs Lunch was unfortunately off the air for the few months, Black Velvet and Unassisted would listen to old episodes of the radio show to cure their boredom, if you were to see the two of them, you would have seen Black Velvet and that little boys smile. During this time the two friends decided to declare for the VHL, hoping to gain the attention to someday be one of the three stars on Leafs Lunch.

 

Black Velvet joined the Moscow Red Wolves for the last five games of the regular season, where he found tally five assists. In the playoffs the Red Wolves would make it to game six in the VHLM Founder's Cup finals, but would lose to the Ottawa Lynx. In 11 playoff games, Black Velvet scored 6 goals and 7 assists and also threw 29 hits. This performance from a waiver pick up player out of the small rural village of Toronto, caught the eye of scouts for the S47 VHLM Draft, and the rest is history.

 

Best friends forever, Unassisted and Black Velvet (in their dreams playing for the Maple Leafs).

 

PROS

Slow Southern Style

This is a unique characteristic of Black Velvet, and it will set him apart from the rest of his draft class. He has experience of playing that slow southern style type of game, which no one else has ever seen or heard of before. It's like a secret weapon that Black Velvet holds until he really needs it, such as the Continental Cup game 7 overtime game. Any other time is just redundant to bring out the slow southern style, but if Black Velvet ever gets a chance to reveal his true style, watch out it will revolutionize the game of hockey, forever.

 

Feed Bag Enthusiast

It's amazing what the human body can do when it is pushed to it's maximum limits. Black Velvet is no stranger to late night feed bags after a late night out at Scooters with the boys. A feed bag typically consists of a 60 pack of McNuggets and 15 sweet and sour sauses from McDonalds. This means that whatever team gets Black Velvet will know they have only the most physically fit specimens on planet earth.

 

THE Rolodex

This isn't a typical Rolodex, this is THE Rolodex. The one that legends are created from, the one that you thought was only real in fairy tales. With THE Rolodex, Black Velvet has a never ending stream of hardware to take out every night of the week. Black Velvet has been known to send his Rolodex conquers a fruit basket the morning after, with cantaloupe, YES CANTALOUPE.

 

CONS

Leafs Lunch Influence

Black Velvet has no role models or idols, outside of the Leafs Lunch gang, including Larry Mullen et al. This can be a real downside as the only reason Black Velvet is even coming into the league is to get the attention of the show. And when lunch time comes around don't expect Black Velvet to be in the gym or on the ice, he will be in total isolation (sometimes with Unassisted) listening to Leafs Lunch.

 

Man Moves

Man moves consist of things like replacing your cars missing gas tank cover with the cover from a box of baby wipes. Total man move. Man moves can often lead to Black Velvet losing focus on playing hockey, as he tries to think of the greatest man moves to impress his idol, Jeff O'Neill.

 

Stamkos to Toronto

Mark my words VHL, if Steven Stamkos signs with the Toronto Maple Leafs, Black Velvet will be on the first flight to Toronto. It doesn't matter if he is playing for the Moscow Red Wolves or the Seattle Bears, he will rip up his contract and be back in Toronto by 7pm that night to get in line to purchase an official Stamkos jersey from the ACC. This could be a real danger for any teams outside of the Toronto Legion, look out.

 

 

 

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Feedback:

Pretty sick name for this player. I really hope that third con of you coming to Toronto comes true. You're welcome to the Legion whether Stamkos goes to the Leafs or not.

[CowboyinAmerica 2,843]

Claimed