BluObieZ 1,125 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) INT-CASINO VILLA-MORNING Sir William Covington III is passed out on an inflated raft with a tanning board. A very frantic Ahma runs into the villa yelling and screaming looking for something Ahma Guys! Guys! Ahma frantically looks around the villa flipping over couches and other things. He is clearly not looking for William or Putin. Ahma spots William in the pool and runs to him before belly flopping into the pool. A he comes up for air he screams in pain but swims to William frantically. He pulls William off the raft to wake him up but William sinks to the bottom of the pool. After a brief moment Ahma dives down and pulls William up. William wakes up as Ahma is pulling him out of the pool. William looks around in amazement. William What’s going on? You teaching me how to sleep swim? Is that what it is? I can drown you know Ahma No! I lost Liz William Liz? What’s a Liz? Ahma looks at William oddly Ahma You know William No I do not Ahma My lizard! I bring him everywhere I go William Not when I am around Ahma Yes I do, He’s always around me and I’m always around you. But now… He’s gone! William Hmmmm interesting… Tell someone that cares Ahma But… William If if’s and buts would be candy and nuts I’d be a fat guy Ahma So you won’t help me find Liz? William Wait… You named your lizard Liz? Do you have an ounce of originality in you? Ahma Shut up! William stands up and walks to the bar William Ok… but first I need to get drunk. Secondly… Ahma Drunk? To go Lizard finding? William SECONDLY! If you don’t mind. We need to find Putin Ahma rolls his eyes Ahma Why him? William Will you stop interrupting me? Ahma Yes William That counts as an interruption… As I was about to say. Putin is an excellent tracker and he will find your lizard in oh about two minutes. Give or take a day or few or… never Ahma begins to cry Ahma Never? You really Liz is gone to the rock cave in the sky? William Rock cave in the sky? Are you fucked? Ahma uncontrollably cries Ahma Please help me William I will bud, but as I said before I need to get downright Jim Lahey blue smurf drunk. Because that’s the only state of mind I can be in when dealing with such boring things like a Lizard hunt. Ahma Oh god! Not blue smurf drunk William chugs from a bottle of Patron Vodka William The only way it’s gonna happen bud William goes back to chugging the vodka. Ahma tilts the bottle more Ahma Drink up INT-CASINO FLOOR-DAY Putin sitting at a poker table playing a game with a few other random people. The cards are dealt and Putin looks at his cards for maybe a second to about a second and a half. The intense look on his face does not change. Three out of the five people he is playing look at their cards and then at Putin trying to read him. They all fold at the same time. Putin does not even look at the remaining players he sits there almost staring into blank space. Player one smiles as he looks at his cards yet again and a smile comes across his face as he tosses five thousand to the center of the table. Player two thinks for a second then looks at his cards before he matches the five thousand. Almost instantly without looking at his cards again Putin matches the bet. After Player one and two check Putin ups his bet by fifty thousand. Players think for a second and they match his bet. The dealer now deals the flop which turns out to be Ace of Spades, five of Spades and two of spades. Player two gets upset by the flop and tosses his cards into the middle Player two I fold Putin smirks a bit but still intensely looks off to the distance. Player One looks at Player Two Player One I got it this time Player One tosses one hundred thousand into the middle without thinking. Putin matches the bet the ups it with five hundred thousand Dealer Vladimir Putin ups his bet by hundred thousand. Player One your move Player One looks at his cards then at the cards on the table. Player One I got this Player one matches the bet. The dealer burns one card then puts the turn card on the table which is the six of spades. Player One almost jumps out of his seat in excitement. Just as a very drunk William walks up to him with Ahma. Putin signals them to wait a minute without looking. Like he was expecting them. Putin now pushes all his chips into the middle of the table. Dealer Vladimir Putin is all in with five point two million Player One pushes all his chips into the middle of the table also Dealer Pot now sits at eight point nine four million People cheer and gasp in amazement as Player One stands to say something Player One Gather round everyone, come witness me beat the President of Russia Player One cockily tosses his cards on the table revealing that he has the Three of Spades, four of Spades a pair of kings an a queen so all he needs is the seven of spades to complete the full house. Player One With all due respect Vladi boy, eat shit Dealer Sit down sir Player One I’ll stand celebrate my victory Dealer I wouldn’t if I were you Player One I’m not scared Dealer Not saying you are but I still wouldn’t Player One Deal the card The dealer burns a card then reveals the river card to be a Two of diamonds. Player one thinks for a second that if he can still win Player one I win with a pair and high card. There is no way he has anything Putin grabs his cards and slowly one by one flips over first revealing the six of hearts. Dealer Vladimir Putin wins with two sixes Player one sits down in his chair in amazement Player One How? He beat me? With two sixes? WHAT THE FUCK! He cheated! Dealer That is impossible Putin stands up tosses the rest of his cards on the table revealing he had three sixes and two two’s in hand. Giving him two four of a kind’s. Putin tosses the three sixes at the player as he grabs the chips Putin Those are for you as clown Dealer Correction Vladimir Putin wins with four sixes and four two’s. Putin signals his security detail to bring his chips to the room before he turns to William and Ahma Putin What seems to be the problem? William is incoherently drunk Putin Must be meaningless if you let him get this drunk Ahma I couldn’t stop him Putin You could have come up with a better reason why you need our help so he would care more and drink less. You now how he gets when is this drunk. Soon he will be fucking all the hot women and snorting all the coke leaving none for me. He’s a real dick when he is blue smurf drunk Ahma But… but… Liz is gone Putin A les is gone? Look Ahma you are an okay looking guy but you aren’t good enough looking or good enough in the sack to make a les turn straight or even bi. You should aim to make them smile or some shit like that. Let me get you a cheap whore and you will forget about that lesbian Ahma NOT LES! I SAID LIZ! MY LIZARD! Putin Liz the lizard? Can you be more lame then that? William That’s what she said Putin I will help you Ahma but… Ahma rolls his eyes since he knows what is coming. Ahma and Putin at the same time say “I need to get drunk” Ahma then snaps his fingers so a waitress appears with a full bottle vodka almost like Ahma knew what he needed to do so Putin can help. William tries to grab the bottle but falls flat on the ground William I’m getting drunk boys Ahma But you are already drunk William I’m getting drunk boys INT-VILLA-DAY Putin kicks open the villa door and drunkenly stumbles towards Ahma’s room. Putin If I remember correctly me and willie boy played a joke on you last night. You passed out after six bumps of coke and two bottles of vodka. Putin leads them all to the door of Ahma’s room Putin We bought the dirtiest and I mean dirtiest whore on the strip since we didn’t want to waste money on one. We got her loaded up and laid her on you in your bed so when you woke up you would think you cheated on your whore fiancée. Well you woke up from your slumber shouting something about your hair being on fire which I think you mistook the crabs you got from her as fire and you ran out of her not even noticing the hooker. So long story short me and willie wanted to see how loose she was we put thinks like a bat, vodka bottle, shampoo bottle in her but that was not good enough. We wanted to gerble her but we had no gerble so we uh… Lizarded her. Putin opens the door to reveal the hooker still on the bed with a lizard between her legs not moving. Ahma screams and runs and pulls Liz out of the whore Ahma He’s dead you assholes Putin That’s life Ahma He was my best friend and now he is gone Putin Wrong buddy, we’re your best friends Ahma No because best friends would never do this to each other. Now you two drunk fucks must come help me bury him Putin Why don’t we bury him her pussy and call it a day Ahma NO! You two are coming and that’s that Putin Do we have to? Ahma Yes! Now let’s go EXT-POOL SIDE-DAY A stream of liquid is hitting the pool like someone is pissing into the pool. As we pan back we see Putin putting lighter fluid on a box that is floating on the water. Ahma I would like to say a few words. Liz you were my best friend, you were always there for me when I was down. For that I thank you. You may have been a lizard but you had a heart of gold. Thank you for listening to me all those times I needed to talk to someone Putin and William burst out laughing William Talking to a lizard Ahma May you rest peacefully in the sky my little dude William Or at least in a deep, wet loose pussy Ahma glares at William Ahma Now you William Putin first Putin thinks for a second Putin I wish I knew you Liz… actually don’t but that’s between me and you. But you kept our little finnish buddy sane so thank you for that. Now we go to the store to replace your ass easily because who really will miss a lizard? William pats Putin on the back William That was good bud. Wish I came up with it. William thinks for a second William You liked to fuck around and fuck around you did till your last dying breath which happened to be inside a skanky pussy. You lived life like any lizard would with a bump of coke here and there and a bowl filled with vodka. Most of time I thought you were dead but you were passed out… Wait what if he is passed out boys? Eh who cares. Peace you green fuck. Ahma lights a match as he cries Ahma Goodbye little dude He tosses the match at the box but nothing happens. He tries over and over but still nothing. William grabs the boxes of matches and dumps fluid on it then sets that on fire before tossing the burning matches on the floating box. William So long dick weasel Hearing William call the lizard a dick weasel and seeing his lizard’s box go up in flames makes Ahma cry even more before he looks at Putin Ahma Make him say sorry for calling Liz a dick weasel Putin No can do buddy, no can do Ahma snobs as the box floats away on fire we now see everyone by the pool not knowing what to do as this goes on. Putin leans in and whispers in Ahma’s ear Putin Oh the hooker is dead also you might want to get rid of the body before house cleaning comes Ahma in disbelief looks at Putin not knowing what to say Ahma What? Putin She’s your hooker, so go out to the desert and bury her skank ass. No one will miss her loose pussy… well maybe Liz will. But he’s also dead to Ahma bursts into tears Putin It’s okay bud, take a rental car and come back after. But make sure it’s at least eight feet deep. Normally six feet is good enough but add two feet cause you can smell that pussy from a mile away. Ahma What is eight feet? I go by meters Putin Google it bud. Putin and William start to walk away as Ahma stands there in tears. The episode ends with Ahma saying something in Finnish that roughly translates to “I will bury her but then I will disappear to make you ass clowns miss me” Edited February 29, 2016 by KingRobbie jRuutu 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/28485-claimedlife-in-times-s02e04-the-ahma-fuckery/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
jRuutu 2,464 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 That was glorious. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/28485-claimedlife-in-times-s02e04-the-ahma-fuckery/#findComment-316038 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kesler 1,514 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Claimed Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/28485-claimedlife-in-times-s02e04-the-ahma-fuckery/#findComment-316698 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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