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The Seattle Bears thought they had it all figured out - with three games in five days against the Calgary Wranglers and Riga Reign, the team would play backup goaltender SEA G in three of his required eight games. That would get his appearances out of the way so regular goaltender Steven Smyl could play against tougher opponents in games Seattle absolutely had to win. Of course, that was the plan. But a few shady characters disagreed.


"They... they locked me up," SEA G told reporters at Seattle's practice facility after Seattle's most recent win against Riga. "I didn't see who did it. It was a seemingly intoxicated guy in a hood and a Canadian accent and... it's too painful to continue, I'm sorry."


Due to SEA G's disappearance, later revealed to be a kidnapping, Smyl was forced to play each of the team's games against Calgary and Riga. Seattle indeed won each of those games, but defenseman Karsten Olsen believes that the team would have likely won with SEA G between the pipes as well, especially since they won each game by at least two goals.


"We need Smyl for the tougher games man, not for this stuff," Olsen said. "[GM] Greg [Harbinson] said he tried to put SEA G in net, but why would somebody kidnap him? It makes no sense."


There are various conspiracy theories going around the Seattle practice complex, but none of the players the Seattle Times spoke with would elaborate further. The only clue is a recent tweet from Olsen, which said nothing but the hashtag "#KickJardyInTheNuts".

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