Halifax Management Requiring Players to Subscribe to T-Series, Report Finds

[Gustav 6,469]

HALIFAX--Though T-Series may be nothing but a bitch lasagna, they seem to have gained a few loyal supporters among Halifax management. 

 

The Indian corporate-owned music and entertainment YouTube channel, which within the past year has been a consistent threat to overtake Swedish creator Pewdiepie (Felix Kjellberg) as the most-subscribed to channel on YouTube, has within recent weeks managed to briefly claim the number-one spot for a few short moments of time before Kjellberg's loyal fanbase stepped up with a wave of new subscribers. The battle, aptly dubbed "Pewdiepie vs. T-Series," has been a strong focal point of Internet culture for months, being the topic of many a meme and most recently generating renewed interest as the channels race to the 100-million subscriber mark. It's even relevant and entertaining enough that it was mentioned a grand total of zero times in YouTube Rewind 2018 ("Everyone" Controls Rewind). 

 

And though freedom of expression is of paramount importance to the values of a democratic civilization, it is a generally accepted truth here in North America that supporters of T-Series are traitorous filth. 

 

Hell, I don't even watch Pewdiepie's stuff, and I'd agree with that statement.

 

This shared belief among us Westerners with anything at all in our heads, whether it be brains or a can of tuna, makes the latest revelation about the Halifax 21st, a consistent top-3 finisher in the VHLM, all the more shocking. 

 

Google's advanced analytics team, when sorting through subscriber counts of both channels to ensure the battle's integrity (as supporters of both sides have been known to resort to cheap tactics such as the use of bots), discovered a minor discrepancy in the distribution of subscriber count by location. T-Series' subscribers are, obviously, largely concentrated in India. A few subscribers may be scattered here and there throughout the globe, but the channel's powerful main form of support stems from the country of over 1.3 billion people (fun fact: the USA is the 3rd-largest country in the world in terms of population, and if it gained a whole billion people, it would still be the 3rd-largest). And while many experienced hackers have been known to disguise their servers as European (due to Europe's strong reputation for cyber security), the team found a small clump of subscribers in Eastern Canada that they felt were worth checking out. And as it turns out, every one of these subscribers was a player, coach, or manager of the Halifax 21st. 

 

Google is thought to have asked for details, as they themselves released a statement explaining the nature of the situation:

 

With regards to the recent emergence of subscribers in Halifax, we are told that the Halifax 21st organization is subscribed to T-Series by orders of management. We are not authorized to remove these subscriptions unless a subscribed individual directly asks for their removal in writing, and as of now are, by our own policy, unable to alter the situation in any way.

 

When met with questions from the media, Halifax players, coaches, and management declined to comment.

Edited March 26, 2019 by GustavMattias