Claimed:Encarnacion joins the XHL, which is apparently a thing, or not? I don't know.

[Tagger 2,722]

"IT'S ME EDWIN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG EDWIN!"

 

You ever heard the joke “If you look in the dictionary for the word “gullible”, there’s a picture of you”? While that isn’t true right now, Webster’s announced this morning that the newest editions of their dictionary will include the photo of perennial all-shit hockey player Edwin Encarnacion after the player fell for a very elaborate prank that he is still unaware of. Fed up of the hideous performances on the ice that the former baseball star had subjected them to, members of the Cologne Express fan base decided to get their revenge on the Dominican with what will be regarded as the greatest prank of the 21^st Century. The prank in question saw the Express fans create a fictional hockey league with the intention of getting Edwin to agree to play in it, but the results far outweighed their expectations.

 

Under the disguise of Vince McMahon, chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment, they rang up Encarnacion on his personal cell phone and expressed interest in having him play in the Xtreme Hockey League, a hockey league “created” by McMahon to capitalise on the “success” of the Xtreme Football League. Upon his acceptance, Encarnacion was invited to attend the XHL Inaugural Draft, which as it turned out was populated by 200 Cologne Express fans taking up the fictional roles of XHL fan, player, general manager and Chief of Operations. Knowing that upon his selection Edwin would immediately leave to celebrate, the fans “selected” Encarnacion to the Germany Scheisse with the first overall pick in the draft and wrapped up the ceremony by agreeing on a date and location for the first game of the season. Hearing about the prank, Cologne Express legend Kameron Taylor offered up his assistance and made an agreement with the Express staff for the Allianz Arena, home of the Express, to be used for the game.

 

And here's the one thing you remember from the XFL

 

When Encarnacion arrived at the Arena, which really should have been a familiar location to him by now, the Dominican was greeted by his “Coach” and given a game plan for their game against the Milan Merde. What many fans expected to be the giveaway for Edwin that he had been pranked was the fact that there were no other players in the game, at all. It was Edwin versus nobody. However, much to everyone’s surprise, Edwin lined up for the “faceoff” and the game started. In an incredible turn of events, Edwin and the Scheisse found themselves tied after the second period at 2-2 and with a minute to go in the third period, the Merde found a winner via Encarnacion bundling the puck into his own net after he had got his baseball bat (a piece of equipment which the fans had tricked Encarnacion into using) stuck between his legs and tripped over. While Encarnacion was unable to find a late equaliser for the Scheisse, the team’s fans gave him a standing ovation at the end of the game for an hour of great entertainment.

 

The average XHL goalie, still a better shot stopper than Brick Wahl

 

Luckily, a genius in the crowd had decided to record the whole game and promptly uploaded it to Youtube where it went viral, getting 3 million views in just 24 hours. Amazingly, Encarnacion was still very much under the belief that he was playing for an actual hockey organisation and in response, the fans booked two more games for the Scheisse to play. After another loss in the second game of the season, this time against the Madrid Mierda, the Scheisse finally turned things around in their third game of the season as they managed to draw their game against the Helsinki Vittu. However, with the attendance rising from 200 to 20 000 allowed Cologne to benefit financially from Encarnacion’s exploits in the XHL, the league was “closed” after the third game in response to Encarnacion breaking three fan’s noses with his shot attempts over the course of the third game. You see, even when Encarnacion is the sole source of entertainment, he finds a way to ruin it for everyone. So did the fans let Edwin know that the whole thing was a prank? Err, no. Instead, they got the same “Vince McMahon” who let Encarnacion know about the XHL inform the Dominican that the XHL would be closing its doors due to the other players in the league demanding too much money. Yeah, Encarnacion believed this as well incredibly. Now while fans of the Express will be disappointed that Encarnacion will be returning to the team, at least they can rest safe with the fact that no-one in their right mind is going to give Encarnacion the opportunity to injure any more fans.

 

Encarnacion XHL Stats

 

Games Played: 3

Turning up, that’s all Edwin had to do to be the league leader in this category.

Total Goals: 3

I guess if you take out the fact that he played 3 games without an opposing keeper this is a pretty good number of goals. Albeit, it is important that you take out that fact.

Total Assists: 0

In fairness, he had no-one to assist. I’m not using that to justify that Encarnacion is not the single worst hockey player ever, because I’m not going to justify the unjustifiable, but c’mon, let’s be a bit fair at least?

Total Points: 3

I only insert this because you could give Edwin a calculator and he still wouldn’t be able to figure out his points total.

Hits: 0

Referee Hits: 25

Shots Blocked: 0

He did occasionally stop his shots from sliding into his own net but I don’t think that counts.

PIM: 25

 Occasionally to lighten up the mood, the fans would make up penalties to send Encarnacion to the penalty box for. Ten two minute penalties and one five minute penalty for having the laces on his skates tied too tight.

+/-:  -6

Since he had a power play advantage for all of the games, none of his goals counted towards his +/-.

Shot Percentage: 0.05%

Give a man an empty hockey net and he can shoot for days. Albeit, in the case of Encarnacion, not very well.

Faceoffs Won: 46%

I have no words.

Jersey Name Used: E5

Following in the footsteps of XFL, the XHL offered players to put any name they wanted on the back of their jersey. However, due to “high demand”, this was the only jersey name available to Encarnacion.

Edited March 18, 2014 by YEAH!

[RomanesEuntDomus 442]

[Guest Svoboda_3]

Content: 3/3

1,092 words. This was very comical. Tying the XHL into this was genius and describing the prank itself in detail, was also a benefit to this Media Spot.

Grammar: 2/2

Really good.

 

general manager = General Manager

celebrate, = celebrate;

points = point's

Faceoffs = Face-offs

Appearance: 1/1

Pics and all that jazz.

Overall: 6/6

[Smarch 3,153]

Claimed