Super late media spot I had 3 hrs to write

[David O'Quinn 115]

5 hrs until the deadline? No problem. I will just write this entire article without any contractions at all. Lazy to the max.

 

 

 

Okay, so I am going to write an  inconsequential article about how good Saskatoon is doing. Others probably have already, however I have not read theirs, and I have no clue what else to write about!

 

#1 Thing to note: The GOD DAMN W33 STREAK. This is ridiculous, and honestly, it is probably bad for the health of the league. I should not really complain, since my player is benefiting personally from the success of Saskatoon and its genius management staff, but objectively speaking: If a newbie joins the VHL/M group of leagues, and sees one mega super team completely dominating the league he starts in, that is gonna suck for him. Now, when I say super team, I mean it; with a winning percentage of 0.97058823529. If Saskatoon had played 1000 games this season instead of 34, Saskatoon would have won an astonishing 971 of them, and although playoffs can be fickle, playoff success is almost guaranteed at this point, the only teams threatening the Wild Throne are Mississauga and Mexico, but their underlying numbers pale in comparison to that of the Wild's. 

 

#2. Underlying goals for stats, relatively speaking. Saskatoon has more goals than every team, of course, but it is definitely more crazy than that. If you were to completely eliminate and remove Houston from all league-wide competition, and add their goal totals to Las Vegas, Ottawa, Yukon, Halifax, Philadelphia, or Mississauga, Saskatoon would still have more goals than them. In a league of 11 teams, Saskatoon has scored a whopping 15% of all goals. For context, if the league were completely balanced Saskatoon would only be scoring 9% of all goals.. as it stands, however, to balance the league and keep Saskatoon's goal total, you would have to entirely eliminate, and remove four teams, and give the rest of the teams the remaining goals, evenly as possible. 

 

#3. Underlying goals against stats, relatively speaking. I'm not sure if these are as insane (spoiler: they ended up being just as insane), since I'm researching as I go, but let us try it anyways. Saskatoon has allowed less than half the goals of seven teams, specifically only allowing 58 goals. This is a tiny, minute, insane 1.7 gaa. The best goaltenders of all time, NHL or VHL, rarely had a season with as low goals against. They have let in so few goals, that Houston has almost scored less goals than Saskatoon has let in. Period. On average, Saskatoon scores five goals for every two they let in, or two and a half goals for every goal they let in. Saskatoon scores, rounding up, two goals every period, meaning Saskatoon scores, on average, six goals a game.

 

Some more funny statistics: The top six players on Saskatoon have racked up more assist than literally the entire team of Houston could POSSIBLY accrue, if every goal had a primary and secondary assist on it, and of course predictably, the top 3 Wild players have scored more goals than the entire team of Houston.

 

P.S. : I'm sorry for roasting Houston repeatedly.  

 

 

539 words kek