Claimed:Bear Grylls

[stevo 792]

World Peace in danger, awaits VHLM playoffs

 

Sometimes it is beneficial for one to actually have a political opinion and voice it, no matter what happens afterwards. Ron World Peace, a German native defenseman currently playing for the contending VHLM team Bern Royals, did so over the last weeks when he used his presence in the media to raise attention to a glaring problem with animal rights. Although that might have been too late for the concerned lions in Copenhagen’s zoo, but their brothers and sisters will surely appreciate it. Now, the story has taken a significant turn – one that might have been less expected: In an attention-grabbing video posted online, adventurer and outdoor specialist Bear Grylls declared World Peace’s head to be “dead or alive”. According to the message in this message, Grylls cannot tolerate “such ignorant behavior by some crack addict who has not even been sober when he was born.” Bear Grylls’ fans worldwide gathered to brainstorm together how it may be possible to fulfill their master’s wish.

 

 

Most people would have been intimidated when confronted with such raw aggression, but again like most times Ron World Peace tends to be different. “If he would like to, that sucker can come at me. I will beat him up all day. He thinks all this wild life experience will do him good? Nah, it will not I can promise you,” he rambled on in front on his fans at a local meet and greet. Unnamed police officers related to the investigations on the incident revealed that it is still to be clarified what triggered Bear Grylls to do this. Due to the adventurist’s large fan base, World Peace has been advised to not underestimate the effect Grylls’ statement may have.

 

Despite the drama caused by the video, World Peace keeps his head up and stays focused. “For me, all I care about in the next weeks is going out there and win the damn games,” World Peace said. After sitting out in the first round with a free bye due to their intriguing regular season performance, Bern faces Turku now. If the Royals manage to reach the VHLM finals, the defenseman would have a shot at winning his second title in the minor league. “I would not say no to a second trophy, of course. Going out of the minors with two titles in a bag is good,” he laughed, “at least I would have something to brag with if I will not win anything at the pros.” Led by standout goalie Blaine Olynick, World Peace, and Steve Tremblay, Bern is ready to make some noise in the playoffs now. The rise of Steve Tremblay, who currently sees his draft stock sky-rocketing through the roof, has improved their line-up significantly. After the season, both World Peace and Olynick will be forced to move up to the Cologne Express, so they better play their A game in these last contents.

[Will 4,660]

Content: 3/3

490 words. Very, um, interesting topic! It is great that World Peace isn't afraid to voice his personal opinions. What happened to the lions at the Copenhagen Zoo was awful, and shouldn't be tolerated regardless of the circumstances. I really like the fact that, in your dialogue, you used things like "he laughed." Most of the time, instead of doing what you did, people will add "haha" to the end of the quote. It bugs me. Only thing that threw me off here was when you said "concerned lions". Aren't the lions deceased? Therefore, how can they be concerned? 

 

Grammar: 2/2
Pretty minor stuff here:

 

contents = contests

 

VHLM team Bern Royals, = VHLM team, the Bern Royals,

 

been sober when he was born = been sober since he was born (I assume?)

 

if i will not win = if i do not win

 

Appearance: 1/1

A picture, title, colored dialogue. I'd say you've got enough here.

 

Overall: 6/6

Edited April 26, 2014 by Draper

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