A Very Groovy Staycation

[bigAL 2,176]

It's travel week in the VHL, so we have to all get our trips in before King Douglas IV cancels March Break in the Duchy of Ontario. Fortunately for Groovy Dood, his seasonal home is in the tourist capital of the USA: Washington, D.C.!

 

*Disclaimer: many of these experiences or stories reflect the experience of a small-town Canadian's vacation to DC during the summer of 2018

 

Groovy Dood is lucky to have experienced traveler bigAL to guide him through the beautiful city-state that is DC. No one thinks of government cities as getaway destinations, but lots of people are stupid. Ottawa is the bomb and DC is no different. The 9-5 city bureaucrats has something for every intrepid traveler.

 

First up, we have to get there and get around. Flying into Ronald Reagan airport is easy enough. It trips you out that the airport is pretty far away from the city core, but thanks to the legendary public transit system, the actual District of Columbia is one underground and underriver subway away. Get off the plane and onto a train, and you're one automobile away from your Airbnb! Fortunately for you, your first hour in DC prepares you for the rest of your week. Using the Metro subways is the best, cheapest, fastest way to tour the city. If you know exactly where you're going, check a map, and hop on the tube! There's a multitude of lines that go anywhere you could ever want to go. Make sure to get on the right train in the right direction and you're gravy.

 

If you'd rather a leisurely tour, use any one of the bike-rental apps to get your exercise in. There's bikes stashed randomly around the city, conveniently GPS tagged and shown to you on a handy dandy app. Most of the time, the bike is left somewhere safe and accessible for you to hop on and ride away. Only once did I venture deep into a sketchy neighbourhood and find a big stash of bikes kept behind a locked fence in a yard with lots of scrapped cars. Keep your head up and your wallet tucked, and just go with the flow. There's plenty of other bikes in the sea. Once you get a two wheeled tour bus, exploring DC is awesome. They have a complete bicycle road system that navigates the whole city. This means things that don't exist in Canada, like paved and divided bike lanes, traffic lights for the bike roads, stations to pick up and drop off bikes everywhere, special cross walks with traffic lights. All these things that help make sure cyclists don't get door'd every time they try to go downtown. Fun fact: cycling in Toronto is one of the most dangerous things you can do in Canada, even ahead of inviting a brown bear to a pic-a-nic. The bicycle infrastructure of DC means that Groovy gets to keep up his cardio while on vacation, and not miss a beat when the games resume after the break.

 

Once you know how to go, Groovy has to decide where to go. DC has something for everyone:

1. The sports fan:
   1. The Verizon Centre, home of the Stanley Cup Champion Washington Capitals and the second-best hockey team in the city, is located right right downtown. It's easy to walk to, which is absolutely mindblowing for the kid who grew up going to Ottawa Senators games out in the middle of a field in Kanata. Tickets aren't cheap though, so you might want to check out a cheaper sport.
       
   2. It's not quite a walk, but Nationals Park, home of the Montreal Expos, is one of the most beautiful parks in the league. The first thing that knocks your socks off is that there's no roof! It's just open right up to the sky! That's madness, they should probably have a dome over that, but what does Groovy know? It's got an absolutely stunning view of the Anacostia River, because the stadium seats face right out to the water. When bigAl was there, he was treated to a hell of a game where the hometown Nationals beat the gross New York Mets by a score of 25 to 4. He even got to see Toronto Blue Jays legend Jose Reyes throw 40 pitches in the final inning! Who says baseball is a slow boring game??
       
   3. The DC DRAGONS are the hottest ticket in town. Crowds flocked to the Frank's Red Hot Dragon's Den to watch the Dragons stomp their way to the Continental Cup Finals last season. The beer is cheap and the hot dogs are 100% real hot dog meat! You gotta be there.
       
2. The nerds:
   1. DC is a nerd's heaven. Groovy "Dougie" Dood loves him some museums, and will regularly skip practice to go hang out at the Smithsonian. The cheapskate loves loves loves that all the national museums in DC are free. Did you know the Smithsonian isn't just one museum, it's a collection of NINETEEN museums?! Crazy. One of my favs is the American Indian Museum. Despite its outdated name, it's actually a really well-done, informative, and respectful celebration of Indigenous culture. Some of the elders I've worked with in my past life as a museum curator have contributed to the exhibits there, so I know it's legit. The best part is the food court. Their Indian Tacos (frybread) is to die for.
       
   2. Capitol Hill. The heart of the Republic. The not-built-in-1776-because-the-British-burned-that-one-down government building. If you're lucky, you might get to join an armed insurrection and see the inner workings of the place! If you're not a crazed right wing nut job, it's a bit harder. Luckily for bigAL, weird lucky shit happens to him all the time. I used "uber pool" because I'm cheap, and ended up sharing an uber with a lady who worked in the office of Jeff Flake, the Republican Congressman from Arizona. We got to chatting, and she was pumped to meet some weird Canadians who knew very little about "that funny looking white building up der." She was determined to edumacate us about the glories of the American empire, and gave us her business card and told us to meet her in the lobby tomorrow at 10am. We showed up at the pre-arragned time, she gave us some security passes, and we by-passed the line and got the top-secret exclusive tour of the Capitol. It was fucking amazing. We saw the regulars: that rotunda with the statues, the balconies at the Senate (Marco Rubio was bitching about the Chinese taking over our 5g networks that day), the coat check at the House of Representatives, the usush. Because she worked there, we also got to see some things off the beaten path. We went to the old part, and sold the old Supreme Court rooms in the basement. We saw the tunnels and the doors to the leaders' offices. Neatest of all, we got to go out on the Balcony overlooking the Mall. That was unbelievable because it's such an iconic, exclusive image and I got to get a picture out there. Our tour guide was a bit of a nutter, and my partner had to elbow me in the ribs to shut me up more than once (her: So the Eagle and Snake represent the two parties of the USA. me: which one is which? M *elbows me*. her: The Democrats are the fucking snakes, obviously.) but it was a once-in-a-lifetime, horseshoe-up-the-ass chance encounter. That being said, Groovy Dood, Assistant Captain of yooooooour DC DRAGONS has exclusive access to both the Capitol and the White House. He even once crop-dusted President Trump one day as they passed by in the White House halls.
       
3. The party fiends
   1. DC is a boozehound's paradise. Did you know they're allowed to serve alcohol in the morning?! We got shitfaced at "brunch" one morning with bottomless mimosas ("they're orange juice so they're healthy and a breakfast food!") and went to an art gallery. I didn't tell you about the art gallery above because I fell asleep in a chair in the lobby, and M got lost in the labyrinth for hours before security guards brought her back to me. But morning booze??!?! Wild.
       
   2. With lax liquor laws, a late curfew, and cheap American booze, DC is a party on Wayne kinda place. But did you know, marijuana is decriminalized there?! It's weird - it's legal to have and to use, but illegal to buy and to sell. Well, Groovy Dood does use some performance enhancing drugs to stay groovy, and was more than happy to explore loopholes in the law. Turns out that there are some quite creative ones. The one we exploited went as follows: I ordered online,buddy pulls up in a car three hours later. I give him a gift of x amount of dollars, and he gives me a gift of the good stuff. No buying and selling, just two friends giving each other gifts celebrating their long-standing friendship. What a hilarious grey market for non-illegal but not-legal goods.

 

Okay, alright, groovy, we're at 1500+ words about a city I've visited once in a country I don't understand, so it's time to wrap it up. Groovy Dood loves a good staycation in his new adopted home, and clearly bigAL is gunning for a job with DC Tourism. Moral of the story: the Dragons need to relax and enjoy themselves for a week, and there's no closer better place for them to do that than their new hometown, Washington, D.C. Fans of other VHL teams should make the trek to ol' District of Columbia.

[bigAL 2,176]

And a theme week claim!

[Banackock 8,160]

Damnnn

[Bobo 514]

Ok, from a DC native, DC is a city in the state of Maryland, the Verizon Center is now the Capital One arena, WMATA is great, there’s a great for partying in DC accessible through Metro named Dupont Circle (or the wharf is good too), Dulles is better than National, check out Nationals Park, The National Gallery east/west is my favorite DC museum (which is a smithsonian museum I think). Also, being on those steps at all  without federal approval is a federal crime, at least 5 years in prison. Use the visitor center for going to Capitol Hill. Great article, very informative.

[bigAL 2,176]

another claim

[bigAL 2,176]

wow 1500 words gets you a long way eh?