Gustav

300 WINS FOR ART VANDELAY

Art Vandelay

An actual ghost light. One of the more intriguing, and one of the more recently forgotten, bands of my side of music (and apparently my #5 artist on Spotify last year) was called Turkuaz. They had nine members, put out one of my favorite albums ever, were also pretty solid live, and had some massive shit go down after their Halloween show in 2021 that led to seven of those members leaving the group in the middle of its tour. And that was that. Bassist Taylor Shell was the only one of the group who didn't make what was apparently a decision to get away fast from its frontman, but everyone knew it was over, and the next year he'd committed full-time to the band Ghost Light (who I finally got around to looking at today, and they're not bad either). I tried looking them up and in turn learned what a ghost light is actually supposed to be--a lightbulb that's left to burn by itself on stage in an empty theatre. Maybe it's old and it hums a little. A bit creepy, right? Gives you that large, dark, liminal space type of feeling where you can almost sense the people who you feel are supposed to be there with you and you can only imagine the huge amounts of sights and sounds that have come across that space over the years. In the wake of Vandelay's retirement, and impending VHL nonexistence, it makes you wonder just how many unique experiences have been had in the VHL. If Taro Tsujimoto covered most of my GM tenure in Davos, then Taro Tsujimoto also saw the great majority of my 25,890 messages in the Dynamo server. Taro, through me, also saw most of my behind-the-scenes trade talks during that time, stood up to the majority of a VHL decade's worth of bad jokes, moderated every single action in so many Town of Salem games, personally oversaw the development of a solid handful of solid VHLers, won MVP twice, learned how cricket works, was briefly a distinguished EFL member, ended up (I think) somewhere in the top 5 all-time in VHL genchat messages, and even mailed a bottle of Kranch across a country and a continent to @Beaviss (about 30 dollars I'll never get back, but a great story). And there's so much more that could be said from a personal standpoint. "Taro" also wrote thousands of words on the forum, influenced league policy, and was a friend where people needed it in ways that they hopefully appreciated quite a bit. But every point I've made there only pertains to a minority of individuals in the VHL. I'm sure that, if you've been here a while, my path has crossed with yours in some meaningful way that pertains to a few of the things I mentioned there. I don't think there's anyone, though, that can connect with me on every single one of those points--maybe one or two of you come close. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you had no idea who I mean by Taro or even by Beaviss. Hidden behind those tables on that player page is a story that's now just an empty room with just a little bit visible to those with very little reason to be in it. I set up the third ghost light of my time in the VHL yesterday when I retired Art Vandelay (Art Vandelay), and the rest of the lights are going to be shut off the second he gets knocked out of the playoffs (or somehow takes the team all the way). He'll stay at the back of some minds for a while. Maybe someone will click on LA's portal page and be surprised to see someone else in net. Maybe some noob will try to pick him in VHFL and get berated for it. And maybe there will be some LA-rebuild-related articles that contain phrases like "with the retirement of Vandelay" that I'll run into when I try to dig through all the times I wrote his name in game threads for some meaningful content related to his eventual Hall of Not Bad article. Some nerd who's watched a bit of Seinfeld might stop for a second in S150 when digging through the all-time stats spreadsheet, and that same nerd might write some stupid "let's look at the great goalie debacle of the early S90s" article that has me briefly mentioned with everyone else who's been putting up exactly the same numbers. Really, the only way I'll have my name remembered is if I use my VHLM executive power to create the Art Vandelay Award for Sportsmanship and Excellence or something. I'm fully aware that every other player is a ghost light in their own right. I might know your player, but no one knows your experiences the way that you do. I also have no idea what you've been involved with or the stories you have to tell unless you choose to share that with me. Chances are that if you have an old player, no one is showing up to that performance on most days. The room sits empty and the bulb hums into space. And that's a little bit sad, but who knows--maybe the theatre is closed so the ghosts get their chance to come out and play. And maybe someone might come along, sneak in through a busted-up side door, and take some pictures that they can post on their not-really-legal urban exploration Instagram. Who knows indeed--the room will stay empty, but maybe the next VHL generation will stop scrolling and double tap.

We haven't, but we've been going pretty good and we're close to the cap. I think we're kind of going all in this season because LA will be hit really hard by retirements and won't be getting much back, but the goal was to get us a championship and I respect that. I've been in a bunch, but none at the moment. My most active point was when I was (briefly) maxing out, and actually actively talking, in the VHL, EFL, and PBE all at once. That's because I lived at home and had nothing else to do with my life when I wasn't at work. I don't have anywhere near that sort of time in my life anymore and I'm glad I'm only in one. I'm a really big fan of the supreme pizza (sausage, onion, pepper, mushrooms, pepperoni, and maybe other things depending on your style). In general, I like a lot of things on my pizza, but it's risky. It's harder to screw up when you keep it basic. 1. What's your favorite food that I probably have never eaten? 2. My new player, Lazlo Holmes, is a reference to a character who, like me, doesn't know much about the NHL (I do like to watch but just don't do it consistently). What's something I should know about the current state of the league, and what's a player I should have an eye on? 3. Which VHL city would you most like to visit and why?

I definitely feel like the people making the big differences out there on the ice are the hockey players. They're really doing that hockey and that's what's up. In a word, cold. It is very cold down here, I do not get it, back to you. No one told me that. When did we start doing paternity leave? Well, first off, you gotta do that hockey. There's been some guys out there on the ice really getting it done and when one of your main guys scores a goal, that's what's up. I'm down here with my main man, and I don't know (real-life Gustav doesn't know either), but I gotta ask him, in the next period, how are you gonna do that hockey? Uh, it is very cold. And I do not get it. Cold as hell.

Lazlo Holmes is the name of the reporter in this SNL sketch from a while back, played by Chance the Rapper. I think it's funny in general, but I can relate to it on some levels because I'm much more of a casual NHL fan than many VHLers. I like names that work whether you get the reference or not, and it sounds nice and is also hockey-adjacent in a nice way. Interesting. To be honest, I'm not really excited or in any "can't wait" stage, because I'm not really experiencing much new and I know who all the GMs are and all that. I've always had a player and I've played this position before. But I'm still looking forward to it in that I'm happy I'm still here and that I still want to do stuff that also happens to make my player better. Maybe I'll fare better than I thought I would and be an all-time great!

I knew I was creating on defense for a while. It's been a very long time since I played there (and I didn't even spend my whole career doing it), and even though I was terrible at it, I still had a lot of fun. I'm very excited for my next player, whose name I can now reveal (bonus points if you understand it). Something that made me question that a bit, though, was the fact that I'd heard lots of buzz about other people creating at the same position. It's going to be really interesting to see what comes of this--I'm now the sixth higher-profile member to recreate on defense in this draft class. It brings up lots of questions about who's getting drafted and where, because not everyone has a need for someone at our position and someone's going to fall. But that also means that someone's getting a bargain--we might have to fight for those top spots, but everything that matters after that point will be decided on the ice. For some people, it might be just a stroke of particularly good or bad luck. But I look forward to it! This brings up lots of chances to get into things a little bit deeper. We have the chance to define an entire generation of defense and we'll have a good group to measure up to going forward. We've all got serious #1 potential and we'll all have to do a lot to keep up. @KRZY @jacobcarson877 @JCarson @AW13 @Tate Let's all have great careers!

I think it's a shame that these aren't more common. Ask me (or my player) anything!

Art Vandelay

You've played for me; now it's time for me to play for you. You've given good reasons for me to sign up (and you're the only one who offered who could max my ice time without decreasing someone else's)--let's do this! Thanks to everyone who replied here! I considered it all.

Player Information Username: Gustav Player Name: Lazlo Holmes Recruited From: Other (The Jerk Store) Age: 24 Position: D Height: 70 in. Weight: 194 lbs. Birthplace: United States of America Player Page @VHLM GM

Art Vandelay

Welcome back!

I see what you did there Great article as usual! I think Cooke takes it for LA because he’s won an MVP with us, but always happy to be mentioned.

I remember really early on in my time here, Beav set up teams in NHL and fully customized all the players to do it. He also cranked scoring way up. It was fun to watch for about 5 minutes and I can understand how that wasn't worth the hours of effort. I didn't love community voting because I felt like sometimes it turned into a popularity contest. I remember one time being FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY because all the members of a specific group were particularly active in voting for each other regardless of numbers. But I guess the NHL has that same issue.

I'm recreating, y'all! Art Vandelay has less than 24 hours or so left as a non-retired VHL player. It's been a culmination of a whole lot of words entered into this website, and it feels weird to let go of that. Over the course of my career with Vandelay, I've changed quite a bit both on and off the VHL, so I think it might be fun to speculate a bit on what could happen going forward. None of this is stuff I directly intend to do, but it's all stuff I could see happening based on some very general feelings. We'll see if any of it at all actually pans out. I will be drafted no earlier than 3rd overall and no later than 6th. I think the league has its share of people who go more insane than I currently do in that there will probably be fantasy zone weeks that I miss out on and I'm not the incredibly active, live-in-the-locker-room-type that I used to be. But no GM will be making a mistake in drafting me--I've max earned almost every single week for the past five years of my life, I have a track record of team loyalty, and I like to think that most people out there see me as nice enough and smart enough that they'd see my player as a benefit. My player will not make the Hall of Fame and will retire with less TPE than Vandelay. I intend to try as much as possible. I also have zero interest in playing in the E and will likely have a far lower cap than I would have if I decided not to progress on a sensible schedule--which apparently is 100% fair--so unless there's no room for me on a roster, I'm a little bit screwed by something that's ultimately still my choice but that I still think I'm allowed not to like anyway. I'd much rather stick to my principles than chase individual success, and it's a bit of a shame that those can no longer coexist in the VHL. But as for the second part of my original statement, the one about having less TPE? I hope I'll have more going on in my life, and in all the right ways, over the next couple years. What I'm doing at work should get more serious as I end up closer to reaching conclusions on some projects, and I'm also feeling single enough lately to go do something about it even though I have no clue what I'm doing. So, while I don't intend to drop off in earning, just know that if I do, I'm probably having fun. The league will have one massive change that I love and one massive change that I hate. This isn't me dropping BoG hints. I really have no idea what those changes will be; I just think they're on the way. I will finally win an individual award other than MVP and I will finally get a Cup. Maybe this contradicts my point about how I don't think I'm making the HoF, but I think I can say this too because I think it's about time. There's a bit less competition on defense anyway--even Garcia got nominated for one of the awards at one point. At the end of my next career, both Bana and Hedge will still be GMs. They've been in their roles longer than I've been in the league and I have no idea how they do it--10 seasons was enough for me and I still don't particularly want to get back into it. The greatest defenseman of this generation--if he makes one--will be made by @jacobcarson877. The third time is far more than enough to be the charm here, and he's the one person I can name who I'm pretty sure is going defense and will probably out-earn me. Contrary to what the past few seasons have indicated, I think we're going to have another too-many-players crisis. The recruitment server is popping off and I hope the recruitment that's done comes with actual targets in mind instead of the "pump the league as full as possible" mindset of a few years ago. We will see at least one major drama with a well-regarded user. I have no indication of what this might be; it's just been a while. The S100 class will cause legitimate issues with people trying to be part of that one specifically--I've even heard people saying they're going to do this and I don't like it. Expect 99 and 101 to be a little bit thinner, and expect a lot of shady GMing surrounding that as people try to get their picks in certain seasons. I wouldn't be surprised if a recreate or two were made at times more conducive to that player's placement on a specific team (let's say a GM creates in S100 so their player is more likely to be available, or loads up on the 99s and tries to change a few minds. Going off of that, I think we're going to see some really really good players in the S96-98 classes or so. If the S100 panic is enough, we could see players hitting their peak builds a few seasons before a large part of the league, with not many players with TPE levels in between. It's possible this effect could even extend to players created this coming week, and maybe I'll benefit from it as well if enough people retire after S98. That's what I think could happen. What do you think?

I don’t even need to run this through the AI detector to know smh Damn right. Forum content for me not for thee

What's up @VHLM GM! I'm recreating next week, and I'm sure you know that, thanks to the new waiver system, I have the chance to play anywhere I want. The trouble with that, though, is that I don't want any of you to feel as though I'm picking favorites or screwing someone over by going a certain way. As commissioner, I want to be as fair as possible. Something that's just as contentious as recreates choosing to play in places that appeal to them (could you imagine?) is the sentiment that, under the current waiver system, GMs lose a little bit of their own personalities and can't communicate as directly with new players--sacrificing a little creative edge for something that's otherwise been fairly convenient and taken the load off. It's with those old feelings in mind that I'm inviting you to make a pitch in this thread to my upcoming player (who's going to be on defense, if you're wondering). I'm not asking to be worshipped or begged here; just give me the no-BS rundown of why your team will be the right landing spot for me next week. You can give me any reasons you'd like (and being creative in the right ways could be a bonus), but I'm mostly looking for solid reasoning as to what should make me want to click your button. What will I get as a player? Do you have any special first-gens I should get to know? Why will I enjoy interacting with your team? I'll likely go with whoever I think is most convincing, so convince away if you'd like! I'll show you pretty soon where hard work and honesty can pay off.

Good evening VHL! I thought about doing a few different things for all-star week, but none were really clicking for me. Could I do an article where I try to select my own dream team? Sure, but I'm sure everyone else is doing that too. Could I make one where I select a dream team out of players past or present? I have done that three times already. Really, anything to do with players is an idea that's bound to be worn out. But what's more valuable than our players? We're a community of individuals and a community of friends. That's bound to make some moments happen. And with Vandelay gone for good after this week (and that's weird, isn't it?), there's been some stuff in the past almost-two years (which is even weirder) that's worth remembering. That's right, we're not talking about all-star players but all-star moments. The types of things I'll remember long after Vandelay and all the ways the league has changed over his career. Let's name a few. The Great AI Takeover: In one of the dumbest moves I've ever seen, many of you have approached the task of cheating on your submissions with unwavering determination. It's a stain on the league to constantly watch people get punished for this, and it's also a slap in the face to the idea that you earn well by applying your mind to creating content that people enjoy. Don't be part of this. Town of Salem #27: possibly my favorite one ever. For those unfamiliar, this one featured @omgitshim winning with a role that doesn't usually win, in a game that went right down to the wire and had one big play after another. We also saw something we'll probably never see again in @jhatty8 waking up from surgery and telling everyone he was evil while under the influence. Delete the E: My favorite incentive. This wasn't even the point of the thread I linked, but it did spawn some productive discussion on a controversial subject. More specifically, and not related to the title, GMs who don't scout their players are stupid. The Very First Vandelay: I've spent basically my entire career thinking that I came up with the art of writing Vandelay in game threads--most of the time, if I go 2-0 in a given sim and/or record a shutout, I'll simply comment "Art Vandelay" under the sim thread. I've also known @jacobcarson877 to follow suit this whole time, which consistently flatters me--but imagine my surprise when I found that he was the first one ever to comment my player's name, and only his name, on anything (at least on the forum). Regardless of origin, I'm glad that Vandelay has something that makes him more visible (and hopefully more likable). Town of Pallet: an incredibly in-depth Pokemon game created entirely by @Ptyrell, this ultimately failed because it required 100% participation from all players and was also even more incredibly work-intensive from the game mod end. It was fun while it lasted, though, and was a huge testament to one person's creativity and drive to have fun. Hybrid Attributes: Easily the league's largest change since I created Vandelay, this dropped a week after he first hit the ice in Ottawa. I was part of the planning for this and partly created a goaler because I wasn't sure what to think, but it's worked well enough since it was (against my wishes) implemented that I think it's been a positive change. Nothing is ever perfect, so we'll see how this holds up in S192, but everyone needs to know the context behind this and understand why it's important. I didn't even know before I created this article that I created Vandelay before I'd left undergrad. That feels like forever ago. Since then, I've moved, started earning my own living, gone through all my grad classes, wasted all of last spring semester on a side project that went nowhere, talked about my research at a big conference, started working out (and still stayed single, dammit, I'm 23 and it's February tomorrow), and made tens of new friends who not only are amazing people but who also come from all over the world and have taught me lots of things I never knew. I'm excited and worried and overall really interested in what the next almost-two years are going to bring real-life Gustav. But I think the VHL has grown just as much, and I think it's important that we feel the same ways about it. It's time for a whole other player, and hopefully it's going to be an all-star one.

Art Vandelay

FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY

Art Vandelay

I can think of two others that are both BoG-specific and I don't like either of them; one feels like censorship and the other wrecked a good joke. "Quick" changing to "Quik" was funny when he was around. I'm not sure I know of anything else.

This one was gone before my time. The other one is still great though even if it's having to be explained more and more these days.

ART VANDELAY