SackButter

P. Ennis 😂

After two big wins to start the season, the Marauders lost two close ones.  They did manage to get points despite the losses.  There are bright spots to build on.  The Marauder netminders has surrendered the least goals in the Eastern Conference and have kept the team right at the top of the goal differential tied with the lightning fast Ottawa Lynx.
On offense Bruhmaninho is lighting up the nets early and often.  Elf Shoes is a hitting machine so far.  Joe Scho is far from average with his all-around contributions. 
On the Blue Line, P. Ennis is always a solid member.  He blocks more than the rest of the team combined.  Probably.  Gul Dukat got his first goal last night and is very intimidating to look at.  I mean really.  His forehead looks like it has taken hundreds of puck impacts.  Bilbo Teebaggins looks like he has gotten lucky once or twice but is still softer than 10-ply toilet paper. 
The Marauders still have played in winnable games which looks like they have potential to have a good year.  They might need another d-man with a bag of knuckles in front of the goalies to make a big push for the playoffs.  

Bilbo Teebaggins never really fit in.  His mother was 3’3” and his father, tall for a hobbit was 3’9.  As you can imagine, it was a surprise to the village when Bilbo grew to 6’3”.  He had to sleep in the barn growing up because his forehead took a terrible beating on door frames.  He spent years on the farm working the scythe in the wheat fields as he could clear the fields many times faster than the average shireperson.  In his free time he would use the scythe to hit stones on an orc outline he drew on the barn.  Eventually he got so good he could hit the orc from 50 feet away.
He went on the youth pilgrimage and saw the barn of the Harrowdale Orc Slayers, the reigning champions of Middle Earth Hockey (MEH for short).  Being that he was 3 feet taller than the biggest blue liner on the team, they trimmed his foot hair, put him in skates and signed him to a contract.  He did not lead the league in penalty minutes as the other players decided they would take it easy on him and his battle hardened forehead.   He did manage to be the main reason that the Orc Slayers finished the season with a goals against average of 0.83. 
He made the All-Hobbit team every year he played and eventually the Hobbit Hall of Fame.  When he decided to retire from the MEH, his skates went into the Hall of Fame with many hobbit children getting their pictures taken while standing in them. 
Then the year he retired the Orc Slayers lost over half their games.  Bilbo decided he was not just another Teebaggins and that he would come out of retirement to help his team regain their glory.  Just as the season was about to start with a newly motivated Teebag at the helm, this whole Mordor thing erupted and Bilbo grabbed his bag and volunteered to go to battle for his people.  He struck down many orcs with his patented scythe shot technique honed all those years ago on the farm.  Unlike his time in hockey, he was able to get many penalty minutes for fighting was in the Hobbit army.  After completing his hobbit of army service he went back home. 
Biblo was still a young man and he had many years of young life.  Also, while in the Hobbit service, he had heard of the VHL.  A league beyond the sea where men sized men play hockey.  No more would he take awkward team pictures that either only showed his belly button and down or were the picture was taken from 20 feet away.  Now he could play the game as Gandolf intended. 
Bilbo got off the bus and was immediately amazed by all the human sized humans walking about and carrying all manner of fancy hockey sticks.  They all had matching sweaters and several were his size or bigger.  He walked up to a rink that said skills competition enter here.  He had never seen a scythe shot hit as fast as the shots he was witnessing here.  The thunderous crack of rock shaped rubbers hitting the boards.  Bilbo was not certain he would be able to compete at this level after seeing them up close.  He saw two of the human sized humans throw there gloves down and start fighting.  Suddenly he could understand why the hobbits would not engage him at the MEH.  It is very likely he would be in shire jail right now which is not built to accommodate his height.  There was another rink that said speed competition.  Bilbo had never seen anyone on skates more that fast.  Bilbo’s line mate on the Orc Slayers was named Weeman.  Weeman did not cut down the ice like these players but more troubled down the ice with his arms moving in a difficult to watch labored motion that an elderly human female might do upon first waking up in the morning.  These players were faster, stronger and shot the rocks with much more accuracy. 
This is it though.  Bilbo was finally where he belonged.  He was in what looked to be a finer shrine to hockey than even the elves could devise.  He had been working his whole life for this and now it would happen.  He was assigned to the right side defense on his first trial.  He would be certain to make the coaches proud.  He had his skates recently sharpened, he had taped his stick and carefully placed his hockey armor on for the great battle. 
Just as Bilbo was ready to go out on the great ice for the first time, Gandolf arrived.  Gandolph bequeathed to Bilbo the stick of a thousand ages.  Just as Bilbo was ready to take the ice he realized one thing that caused a tsunami wave of despair to wash across his brow.  He realized he forgot his lucky cup in Mordor.  Gandolf sighed.

Short king!

Bilbo Teebaggins never really fit in.  His mother was 3’3” and his father, tall for a hobbit was 3’9.  As you can imagine, it was a surprise to the village when Bilbo grew to 6’3”.  He had to sleep in the barn growing up because his forehead took a terrible beating on door frames.  He spent years on the farm working the scythe in the wheat fields as he could clear the fields many times faster than the average shireperson.  In his free time he would use the scythe to hit stones on an orc outline he drew on the barn.  Eventually he got so good he could hit the orc from 50 feet away.
He went on the youth pilgrimage and saw the barn of the Harrowdale Orc Slayers, the reigning champions of Middle Earth Hockey (MEH for short).  Being that he was 3 feet taller than the biggest blue liner on the team, they trimmed his foot hair, put him in skates and signed him to a contract.  He did not lead the league in penalty minutes as the other players decided they would take it easy on him and his battle hardened forehead.   He did manage to be the main reason that the Orc Slayers finished the season with a goals against average of 0.83. 
He made the All-Hobbit team every year he played and eventually the Hobbit Hall of Fame.  When he decided to retire from the MEH, his skates went into the Hall of Fame with many hobbit children getting their pictures taken while standing in them. 
Then the year he retired the Orc Slayers lost over half their games.  Bilbo decided he was not just another Teebaggins and that he would come out of retirement to help his team regain their glory.  Just as the season was about to start with a newly motivated Teebag at the helm, this whole Mordor thing erupted and Bilbo grabbed his bag and volunteered to go to battle for his people.  He struck down many orcs with his patented scythe shot technique honed all those years ago on the farm.  Unlike his time in hockey, he was able to get many penalty minutes for fighting was in the Hobbit army.  After completing his hobbit of army service he went back home. 
Biblo was still a young man and he had many years of young life.  Also, while in the Hobbit service, he had heard of the VHL.  A league beyond the sea where men sized men play hockey.  No more would he take awkward team pictures that either only showed his belly button and down or were the picture was taken from 20 feet away.  Now he could play the game as Gandolf intended. 
Bilbo got off the bus and was immediately amazed by all the human sized humans walking about and carrying all manner of fancy hockey sticks.  They all had matching sweaters and several were his size or bigger.  He walked up to a rink that said skills competition enter here.  He had never seen a scythe shot hit as fast as the shots he was witnessing here.  The thunderous crack of rock shaped rubbers hitting the boards.  Bilbo was not certain he would be able to compete at this level after seeing them up close.  He saw two of the human sized humans throw there gloves down and start fighting.  Suddenly he could understand why the hobbits would not engage him at the MEH.  It is very likely he would be in shire jail right now which is not built to accommodate his height.  There was another rink that said speed competition.  Bilbo had never seen anyone on skates more that fast.  Bilbo’s line mate on the Orc Slayers was named Weeman.  Weeman did not cut down the ice like these players but more troubled down the ice with his arms moving in a difficult to watch labored motion that an elderly human female might do upon first waking up in the morning.  These players were faster, stronger and shot the rocks with much more accuracy. 
This is it though.  Bilbo was finally where he belonged.  He was in what looked to be a finer shrine to hockey than even the elves could devise.  He had been working his whole life for this and now it would happen.  He was assigned to the right side defense on his first trial.  He would be certain to make the coaches proud.  He had his skates recently sharpened, he had taped his stick and carefully placed his hockey armor on for the great battle. 
Just as Bilbo was ready to go out on the great ice for the first time, Gandolf arrived.  Gandolph bequeathed to Bilbo the stick of a thousand ages.  Just as Bilbo was ready to take the ice he realized one thing that caused a tsunami wave of despair to wash across his brow.  He realized he forgot his lucky cup in Mordor.  Gandolf sighed.

@kirbithan
 
S85 in the VHLM was one to remember, a true battle of goalies occurred all season with 7 teams having capped goalies to start the season. This group of goalies, referred to as The Heavenly Seven have all developed differently. Today we’ll take a took back at these goalies careers to date and the different paths that they have taken.
 
 Lachlan Summers @kirbithan 
Record: 151-51-19
Save %: 0.931
GAA: 2.27
The 12th overall pick in S86, Lachlan Summers has been a star goalie in the VHL since coming into the league and has picked up a lot of silverware in a short amount of time. After one season as a backup goalie behind Xavier Booberry, Summers had a ridiculous rookie season with a 39-18-7 record and a 0.932 SV%, these numbers would see them win the S88 Christian Stolzschweiger Trophy. Following their rookie season Summers would take a slight step back with only a 0.925 SV% in S89, however they would still have a 43-15-6 record. Although in S89 Summers would find their stride in the playoffs as they would post a 0.937 SV% on route to a Continental Cup. Last season, Summers would have their best season yet with a 49-12-3 record and a league leading 0.938 SV% and a 2.06 GAA, these numbers would see them win all of the Clegane, Shaw, and Slobodzian trophies. So far in S91 Summers has been solid with a 0.925 SV% and a 2.65 GAA.
 
 Joel Castle @animal74 
Record: 109-127-35
Save %: 0.924
GAA: 2.66
Joel Castle was selected with the 13th overall pick in S86 and has gone onto have a great career to date. Coming into the VHL in S87 Castle has immediately stepped into the starters spot and has not looked back. While they did not put up many wins that first season the numbers were respectable with a 0.915 SV%. Toronto really did not do well following that first season as their prospects were still developing and Castle’s record would reflect that going a combined 60-104-23 in their first 3 seasons, despite the poor record Castle was good with a 0.93 SV% in S89. In S90 Castle had their first winning record with a 38-14-12 season, during which they posted a 0.927 SV% and a 2.29 GAA. In the playoffs Castle was solid with a 0.918 SV% and a 7-7 record. So far in S91 Castle has a 11-9 record and a career-high 0.931 SV%.
 Fuukka Rask @Jubis 
Record: 99-125-27
Save %: 0.917
GAA: 3.01
Similarly, to Castle Rask came into the league and immediately stepped into the starters spot and did not make the playoffs until S90. Rask was selected with the 14th overall pick in the S86 draft and has been very consistent to date. As with Castle, Rask stepped into the league in S87 and jumped into the starters spot and did not make the playoffs until S90, despite having a winning record in S88. In terms of SV% Rask has been consistent with a 0.911, 0.916, 0.915, and 0.918 SV% in their first 4 seasons, posting a 86-118-26 record over those 4 seasons. Rask made the playoffs for the first time in S90 where Helsinki faltered and were out in a hurry. With that being said Rask has come into S91 with a vengeance and has posted a 13-7-1 record and a career-high 0.933 SV% and a 2.35 GAA. With Rask finally coming into form, this could be a massive season for them.
 
 
 Alexander Minion @UnknownMinion 
Record: 72-55-13
Save %: 0.926
GAA: 2.60
The 36th pick in the S85 draft, Minion is the only player other than Summers to have won a VHL award as they won the Clegane Trophy in S88. Minon only played 3 seasons in the VHL before retiring, of those only 2 were as a starter. Minon came into the VHL in S87 where they served as a backup in Los Angeles and posted a 4-4-0 record and a great 0.929 SV%. Minon would then go the free agency and sign with Chicago where they would make a massive impact with a 0.923 SV% and a league best 2.29 GAA on route to a 39-20-5 record. Minion’s final season came in S89 and they would continue their play from the prior season with a 0.927 SV% and a 2.85 GAA, however Chicago would fall just short of the playoffs prior to Minion retiring.
 
 
 Ash Sparks @DarkSpyro 
Record: 73-64-19
Save %: 0.923
GAA: 2.62
Ash Sparks was selected the earliest of all the goalies in this article as they were selected 6th overall in S86 by the Seattle Bears. Similarly, to everyone else they would make the jump to the VHL in S87, Sparks would then serve as the backup goalie in Seattle for 2 seasons where they were solid with a 9-8-0 record and a 0.901 SV%. Following their stint in Seattle they would be traded to Malmo where they quickly found their stride posting a 0.931 SV% in their first season along with a 30-26-8 record. Last season Sparks again did well with a 0.921 SV% and a 2.48 GAA in addition to a 24-23-9 record which saw Malmo fall just short of the playoffs. So far this season Sparks has had their ups and downs and currently has a 10-7-2 record and a 0.911 SV% in 19 games.
 
 Jeremy Swayman @Agito 
Record: 6-2-1
Save %: 0.931
GAA: 2.37
The 29th overall pick in S85, Swayman would only play 9 VHL games before retiring at the end of S87. In those 9 games Swayman posted a 6-2-1 record, a 0.931 SV%, and a 2.37 GAA.
 
 
 Bill Nye The Puck Stopping Guy @Big Newff 
Bill Nye was drafted with the 41st pick in the S85 draft, however retired following the draft and never played a VHL game.
 
With only 4 of these goalies left in the VHL, only time will tell who comes out on top!

Welcome!

Not gonna lie, if this guy completes tasks and stays active, he’s destined to the VHL Hall of Fame with this name. 

legendary name

Player Information
Username: SackButter
Player Name: Bilbo Teebaggins
Recruited From: YouTube
Age: 21
Position: D
Height: 75 in.
Weight: 225 lbs.
Birthplace: United States of America

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Welcome to the league lmk if you need any help!
 

Hellloooooooo

Player Information
Username: SackButter
Player Name: Bilbo Teebaggins
Recruited From: YouTube
Age: 21
Position: D
Height: 75 in.
Weight: 225 lbs.
Birthplace: United States of America

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Welcome to the VHL!!

Player Information
Username: SackButter
Player Name: Bilbo Teebaggins
Recruited From: YouTube
Age: 21
Position: D
Height: 75 in.
Weight: 225 lbs.
Birthplace: United States of America

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Player Information
Username: SackButter
Player Name: Bilbo Teebaggins
Recruited From: YouTube
Age: 21
Position: D
Height: 75 in.
Weight: 225 lbs.
Birthplace: United States of America

Player Page
@VHLM GM