The best positions to play in hockey

[NickSunderbruch 392]

     So today I'm going to go over the three best positions in hockey to play, ranked by the ease of their role. Now Nick, you can't just rank positions by how easy they are, each role is nuanced right? That's what you're thinking, and you're wrong for thinking it, never contact me again with your hippy every role is equal bullshit. There's a reason people watch hockey alright, it's the fighting and the goals. Now if you're unfortunate enough to not be able to do that, well I got good news. You're perfect for these three roles since you're not built to be a real man. 

 

1. Goalie

Yeah these guys are nerds, what else can I say?

The job of being a goalie isn't too hard, I mean the Leafs lost to a 42 YEAR OLD ZAMBONI DRIVER.

If that nerd who just drives a big ice broom could beat them, then I'd assume any child with a large pillow in their jersey could as well.

I'd give this role a pass in some ways, because sometimes you get hit in the throat with a puck, so you gotta have balls to play, and I like balls.

 

2. Center

Sidney Crosby plays center, you know all the nerds want to play here.

I mean if Sid the kid can do it, so can you champ. So get out there and play center, your main job is to be a snake.

And by snake I mean to dive like you took scuba lessons in Hawaii for 6 years. 

So please consider taking roller blading as a hobby if you wanna play center.

 

3. Defense

This ones fairly obvious, all you gotta do is stand in front of the net and not move.

Playing defense is like playing a video game on easy mode, sure it's fun but where's the reward?

If you want to play defense all you have to do is be a big guy who punches drywall and blames people around him for his hand hurting afterward.

So in order for you to actually play defense, all you have to do is not play at all.

 

     Thank you all for reading my completely legit top three easiest roles to play. There's absolutely no logical fallacies at play in this article, it's as structurally sound and as useful as the United Nations. (haha politics haha funny man go brrr) Anyways thanks again, I hear my dad coming home from the bar, I'd better get my helmet, mouthguard and jockstrap. Stay warm, and stay icy. Seacrest out. 

 

also article go brrr

Edited March 26, 2021 by NickSunderbruch
Spelling

[mediocrepony 1,216]

someone is channeling their inner steve dangle

[Gaikoku-hito 2,164]

7 hours ago, GrittyIsKing09 said:

someone is channeling their inner steve dangle

Steve an idiot but a smart idiot as I remember watching him as pimple faced kid that used to react to Leafs games every time they played like chicken little and the sky is falling but he made a career out of it now for Sportsnet.

 

19 hours ago, NickSunderbruch said:

     So today I'm going to go over the three best positions in hockey to play, ranked by the ease of their role. Now Nick, you can't just rank positions by how easy they are, each role is nuanced right? That's what you're thinking, and you're wrong for thinking it, never contact me again with your hippy every role is equal bullshit. There's a reason people watch hockey alright, it's the fighting and the goals. Now if you're unfortunate enough to not be able to do that, well I got good news. You're perfect for these three roles since you're not built to be a real man. 

 

1. Goalie

Yeah these guys are nerds, what else can I say?

The job of being a goalie isn't too hard, I mean the Leafs lost to a 42 YEAR OLD ZAMBONI DRIVER.

If that nerd who just drives a big ice broom could beat them, then I'd assume any child with a large pillow in their jersey could as well.

I'd give this role a pass in some ways, because sometimes you get hit in the throat with a puck, so you gotta have balls to play, and I like balls.

 

2. Center

Sidney Crosby plays center, you know all the nerds want to play here.

I mean if Sid the kid can do it, so can you champ. So get out there and play center, your main job is to be a snake.

And by snake I mean to dive like you took scuba lessons in Hawaii for 6 years. 

So please consider taking roller blading as a hobby if you wanna play center.

 

3. Defense

This ones fairly obvious, all you gotta do is stand in front of the net and not move.

Playing defense is like playing a video game on easy mode, sure it's fun but where's the reward?

If you want to play defense all you have to do is be a big guy who punches drywall and blames people around him for his hand hurting afterward.

So in order for you to actually play defense, all you have to do is not play at all.

 

     Thank you all for reading my completely legit top three easiest roles to play. There's absolutely no logical fallacies at play in this article, it's as structurally sound and as useful as the United Nations. (haha politics haha funny man go brrr) Anyways thanks again, I hear my dad coming home from the bar, I'd better get my helmet, mouthguard and jockstrap. Stay warm, and stay icy. Seacrest out. 

 

also article go brrr

You know you labeled me as nerd as I played all three of these positions through my life.

 

I also think you have center and defense in the wrong order as a center actually has to skate where a defender as stated just needs to stand in front of the net. Centers have to play the 200ft game but a good defender only needs to play a good 75ft game. LOL!!

 

As that Dang it guys states Tenders only need to protect the net; which is 6ft by 4ft. So any big guy can get hit by a puck most of the time; Right?

[Ledge 1,131]

On 3/26/2021 at 1:33 AM, NickSunderbruch said:

and I like balls.