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I'm Here to get PIM's, and then get THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!


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Jesus guys, you wouldn’t believe the amount of autographs that I haven’t had to sign following my terrific 39 second performance against the Helsinki Titans two days ago. Let me put into perspective how great I was out there. After the game, I was rewarded with the full 15 for my terrific foul from behind, meaning that I picked up a penalty minute for every 2.6 seconds I was out on the ice. So, here’s some more perspective for you, I’m gonna type a sentence right now below. OK:


Encarnacion is fucking awesome at racking up penalty minutes.


OK, so that sentence took me eight seconds to type, which is probably pretty bad in truth, but here’s the point right here. In the same time it took me to write that, Encarnacion had already picked up 3 penalty minutes. ISN’T THAT FUCKING CRAZY?!


Things that you can’t do in the same amount of time it takes Encarnacion to foul out of a game:

-          Make a sandwich

-          Get in your car, start it and then reverse it out of your drive

-          Watch one of Ryback’s early jobber squashes from start to pin.

-          Get out of bed before someone comes running in bitching that you still aren’t out of bed.

-          Turn on your Xbox/PS4 and be on the home menu.

-          Drink a hot beverage

-          Think of a positive in Encarnacion’s game

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