Claimed:A Sweet Reward For Goons

[Doomsday 4,130]

A Sweet Reward For Goons

 

BURLINGTON, VT - As youngsters, when we got into fights, there typically was no sweet ending to it. Depending on how far back you go, you could be on the receiving end of the switch, a spanking, getting grounded, sent to your room or maybe even all of the above. But did any of you ever get ice cream for getting into a fight? It certainly sounds ludicrous, but that's exactly what Ben & Jerry's is planning for their new media campaign.

 

"Fighting has always been seen as a brutal part of the wonderful sport of hockey," said Ben & Jerry's CEO Jostein Solheim at a press conference at the company's headquarters in Burlington, Vermont. "We think that we can take this and add a sweet layer onto the increasing number of fights in the Victory Hockey League."

 

For the campaign, every active player in the VHL will be asked to select a charity or other beneficiary. If a player engages in a fight, $5000 will be donated by Ben & Jerry's to the beneficiary, $10,000 if the player wins their fight. Additionally, the players in the fight will receive a voucher for a free case of Ben & Jerry's ice cream in the flavor of their choice.

 

Misbehavior never tasted so, so gluttonous.

 

"I love it," said HC Davos Dynamo defenseman Matt Bentley, who has fought twice in eleven games so far this season. "The next time I get into a fight, I'll be able to have a tasty treat while I watch film for the next game."

 

However, not everyone feels that Ben & Jerry's new campaign is such a sweet idea.

 

"Really?" said VHL Commissioner Victor Alfredsson, in what must have been the first he had heard of it. "We've had an abundance of fights to start the season and now you have these guys giving them an incentive outside of the game to fight? Did they think this through in any way? How could this possibly benefit anyone?"

 

Besides the obvious point that no one bothered to inform the commissioner about the donation aspect of the campaign, it is also clear that virtually every player seems to like the idea.

 

Even Batman approves of ice cream.

 

"Man, even if I don't want to fight, I still get ice cream if it happens," said rookie defenseman Don Draper. "It doesn't get any better than that, especially when you factor in the fact that $15,000 ends up going to a good cause in the end. That's what really makes it all worth it, even if it means bodily harm and having my dashingly handsome face disfigured."

 

"Thinking about it, if one more good hit... one more good punch means that the Gettysburg National Military Park gets an extra $5000, it means they're going to get it," said Davos winger and captain Thomas Landry, because of course his beneficiary is a Civil War battlefield.

 

So it seems that the Victory Hockey League is set for a season filled with even more fights, donations to battlefields and perhaps most importantly, ice cream. After all, if music can soothe the savage beast, can ice cream turn a goon into a sportsman? After we track down Brennan McQueen and feed him ice cream, we'll let you know.

 

Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, which still isn't changing its name. He enjoys calling cabs for people who don't actually want a cab, dodging rocks like it's nothing and remembering the fallen.

[Victor 10,940]

It seems my alter egos have quite contrasting opinions here.

[Will 4,660]

Content: 3/3

Haha, this was a nice article. Very....interesting. Although I'm still not sure I would actually put my money where my mouth is and risk my dashingly handsome face, the ice cream is very compelling.

 

Grammar: 2/2

Nice!

 

Appearance: 1/1

Looks good!

 

Overall: 6/6

[Frank 5,209]

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