kelvie ranks the logos (1st edition)

[ke1vi 662]

Hello hello my good people of the VHL. I am welcoming you to my first VHL media spot since the year of 2008. If you can remember that media spot, you are old and have a general understanding of how times have changed since then. I’ve been debating doing this for a long time but I’m at the point where I’m getting a little burnt out on the graphics – and while I HATE writing up essays and trying to think of the perfectly structured sentence, I feel like I can truly bang this out pretty quick and claim a few weeks on Miklavz. I am going to rate every single logo in the VHL, VHLM and VHLE. The logos will be ranked by league and depending on how this goes I may even dive into the retired logo - including ones we don’t own, but I don’t think we can get into any trouble for LIKING another logo, can we?

 

The only thing you folks need to remember is this is just my personal opinion. I apologize in advance if I rank a logo that you designed low because in the end, I am just some dumb guy online deciding which picture of the simulation hockey league team I like more. I am going to try and make this an enjoyable read for you folks as I compliment and roast these logos - but honestly, I’m mainly here for the TPE grind and to share my honest opinion of them.

 

For some of these I had a hard time deciding on just because I either liked or hated them equally. So as a tiebreaker I sent them to my fiancé and said “pick one”, where she would kindly respond to me with “I don’t know that one I guess” and despite the lack of confidence in the response I chose it anyway because the quicker I get this ranking out the quicker I can consume that TPE. I am going to start from the bottom which will leave us to the VHLM, so the first logo here will be (IN MY OPINION) the worst logo in the worst league (skill-wise of course).

 

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#10: PHILADELPHIA REAPERS

 

 

Ok I’m not saying that I started this whole thing because I really wanted to share my two-cents on the Reapers logo, but I will say I was very EEXCITED to provide myself the opportunity to do so. The first time I looked at this logo, I, like any normal person said - “what in the f*ck is going on here?”. At the start, I thought that little bit of white was an eye with this big detailed mother fucker staring directly to the left. This was until someone pointed out that the right side of the graphic is in fact a hood, and therefore a reaper. Now that makes a bit more sense I guess, and from that I noticed its scythe. But I still have to ask what the fuck is on its chin? They kind of look like big ol’ lips, or are they just supposed to represent wrinkles in his robe? I still haven’t figured it out yet and don’t think I ever will. It just gets to the point where I don’t have the mental capacity process it and give up after staring at it for so long. As for the positives, I do enjoy the colors of this logo and kit. I’m a pretty big teal guy so they definitely get my interest there. The yellow and red trim are a nice touch too and I bet the hypothetical jerseys would look extremely cool – but this is in fact a logo ranking, not a jersey ranking.

 

#9: SAN DIEGO MARLINS

 

 

Now that I’ve said my piece on why I don’t like the Reapers logo – we can now move to “logos I still kind of like but will still say my piece and roast, but also compliment”. This brings us to the San Diego Marlins, which have a baseball team name (Marlins) and sort of a baseball team color scheme (Brewers). The good news is I do like these colors – but here’s what bothers me.  I understand that fish in general look dumb, like absolute morons. They just have this stupid look on their face like they’re permanently witnessing the assassination of arch-duke Frans Ferdinand. For the sake of making a logo of a badass hockey team, why in the world would you keep the dumb look on the face. Maybe give it a mean look, or make it look determined? Give it an evil moustache - I don’t know. I just really hate that dumb looking face. However other than that, I still like this logo as a whole. I’m not the biggest fan of having huge text in logos (which I will get to in the next ranking HOUSTON) but the Marlin wraps around the text nicely. I was always a fan of blue/gold teams, and I really like the lighter shade of blue on the trim.

 

#8: HOUSTON BULLS

 

 

Now I’m not sure how many of you have played the Megaman X games, because they’re kind of old and this is definitely a younger community – but every time I look at this logo I immediately think of these games. It looks like a cross between two mavericks - Spark Mandrill (Megaman X) and Flame Stag (Megaman X2), you can google them if you want to kind of get an idea what I’m talking about. This was actually kind of a tied with the Marlins, but the tiebreaker went to the team my player (Miklavz) has played for… and I really liked those Megaman games… and my fiancé liked it more. The colors are awesome – obviously a bit of a red/orange/yellow flame shit going on – can never complain about fire themed teams. The lightning eyes are pretty badass – but one thing I really have to ask is why the f*ck does this bull have a full-on greybeard. Like I can understand a bit of a chin fur, but this is a full on dumbledore we got going on here, and I just don’t think it works for a bull. Every time I stare at this I feel like it’s about to teach me a dragon shout. The next thing I need to address is having such HUGE text in the logo – it literally takes up half of the whole thing. Yes, we know the damn team is in Houston, it’s written everywhere, we do not need a reminder on the logo – take that out please.

 

#7: LAS VEGAS ACES

 

 

I actually really like this logo – very simple and sleek. However, it looks like it should be a shoulder patch (secondary logo) more than a primary logo. Obviously, with a Vegas team its easy to just compare them to gambling – a betting chip in the background with a diamond on top and a spade inside of it – lots of poker content going on in this logo – but I just feel like it needs more. In my opinion the older logo is much better, and looks like a vintage hockey logo. That’s my only complaint, I love the color scheme and it’s a nice simple 2D logo. However, its also the least to talk about because it still is pretty plain on its own. I’m also not really sure what’s going on under the spade, because that white is shaped like a paper airplane, which has nothing to do with Las Vegas or an Ace - it could just be something that I’m missing – but its also just a minor thing that doesn’t draw me away too much from liking it.

 

#6: HALIFAX 21ST

 

 

I have to ask – is that boat supposed to be the titanic? Because  it kind of looks like the front of the titanic, with those centered stacks. Anyways, of course when you think of Halifax, you think of the Atlantic – and what’s in the Atlantic? That’s right – Boats! What an absolute layup of an idea for a logo – give that Atlantic Canada team a good ol’ fashioned boat logo. Another layup was to have it encircled in a life saver – simple stuff going on here – but that doesn’t take it away from being a nice logo and better than at least four others. I do like the blue and white color scheme and I mean the whole boat theme makes sense for Halifax. It also just has that look of a traditional hockey logo – a 2D object encircled with some text on the inside top and bottom of the circle shape – almost reminds me of the original Hockey Night in Canada logo. Now, om the “official logos” page, there are actually two logos shown for Halifax. I do like the anchor one a bit more with the rope that wraps around the life saver, but the its not the one listed on the team page. I would assume it would be weird to have two logos with an anchor as its pretty much the Miami Marauders logo as well. Without getting too carried away – this is SIMPLE and NICE, plus I’m an east coaster so there is a little bias that puts this on top of the VHLM bottom five logos.

 

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I realize now that I had a lot more to say about these logos than I thought and approaching almost three weeks of solid TPE claiming. My articles may be awful, but I do enjoy spewing out garbage and starting what looks like is going to be a long series that I may or may not finish. If you managed to read this whole thing I applaud you – and stay tuned for my next series where I do the Top 5 in the VHLM.

 

1633 Words

(Claiming Week 1/3)

Edited November 19, 2021 by McKelvie

[N0HBDY 1,117]

Wow Philly being last really suprises me, maybe it’s just my young eye but I never saw what you did in the logo, I saw exactly what was meant to be seen lol. But now that you point it out the rolls or whatever actually do seem a bit odd. Maybe it’s just a fat reaper

[ke1vi 662]

18 minutes ago, N0HBDY said:

Wow Philly being last really suprises me, maybe it’s just my young eye but I never saw what you did in the logo, I saw exactly what was meant to be seen lol. But now that you point it out the rolls or whatever actually do seem a bit odd. Maybe it’s just a fat reaper

The Fat Reaper should definitely be their mascot.

 

Too many philly cheesesteaks.

[Banackock 8,044]

Bulls >>>

[ROOKIE745 604]

review time: Honestly I'm kinda amazed with how much you had to say about each logo but it's good, that your not shying away from sharing your thoughts on each of them. Your layout is very good and if your gonna rank team logos you gotta have them in the post, don't make people open another tab just to look at them, so thank you for including them. You got bold in there for the ranking number and team names and there is just a lot here to read and it's well paced. 10/10

[ke1vi 662]

2/3

[ke1vi 662]

3/3