Frostbeard talks about caring

[FrostBeard 2,049]

Frostbeard talks about caring

As a member who has been in the league for some time now (Gonna start my 4th year in February), I feel like I have finally grasped the great magical thing called "Not caring". By that I simply mean that I don't have a certain expectation on what is going to happen with me as a member, with my player. I don't have any real hopes or dreams of doing something new. I was excited to be Bratislava GM and I am as excited now but I never really cared if I got or didn't get the job. I cared way back at the start. Now, I treat this simply - as a game that I play and when I will not be enjoying the game anymore, I will quit. For me it feels quite surreal to think that even though I think about things going on, issues and ways how we deal with so many things, even though I do brainstorm a bit on things that we could do better or differently, I never go as far as actually caring about them so deeply I would become a spearhead leader of a movement for change.

I feel like I am sadly exhausted that part of my "caring" for the league. Some might ask: "Well, why are you staying in the league then if you don't care?" or "Why are you a GM if you don't care about making this league a better place?" and I have a simple answer - I like the people in the league, I like the connections that I have made and I like being a part of the league that I have made a home for these last 3 years. In the end, I do everything I do because I want to. If I will lose that, I will just say so. 

[Spartan 4,402]

1 hour ago, FrostBeard said:

By that I simply mean that I don't have a certain expectation on what is going to happen with me as a member, with my player. I don't have any real hopes or dreams of doing something new.

Y'know, I'm not sure if this is necessarily "not caring." Perhaps it's not setting expectations for yourself and just going with the flow. Maybe it's just not setting yourself up for disappointment, or maybe you've lost that "novelty" aspect of the VHL. I've started to feel some of those things recently, but I don't think that I don't care anymore. I certainly care about Moscow, that Pearce at least isn't utter shit, and that we have a fun and engaging league that continues to grow and welcome new faces. 

 

You don't strike me as someone who doesn't care, but rather one who has experience and wisdom, especially within the community. You're a steady presence to the league and a friendly face to all, with a solid legacy in the league's history. I'm happy to see you around every so often and enjoy our brief chats in the Bratislava LR. Hope you stick around for as long as I do

[Shindigs 1,771]

13 hours ago, FrostBeard said:

Frostbeard talks about caring

As a member who has been in the league for some time now (Gonna start my 4th year in February), I feel like I have finally grasped the great magical thing called "Not caring". By that I simply mean that I don't have a certain expectation on what is going to happen with me as a member, with my player. I don't have any real hopes or dreams of doing something new. I was excited to be Bratislava GM and I am as excited now but I never really cared if I got or didn't get the job. I cared way back at the start. Now, I treat this simply - as a game that I play and when I will not be enjoying the game anymore, I will quit. For me it feels quite surreal to think that even though I think about things going on, issues and ways how we deal with so many things, even though I do brainstorm a bit on things that we could do better or differently, I never go as far as actually caring about them so deeply I would become a spearhead leader of a movement for change.

I feel like I am sadly exhausted that part of my "caring" for the league. Some might ask: "Well, why are you staying in the league then if you don't care?" or "Why are you a GM if you don't care about making this league a better place?" and I have a simple answer - I like the people in the league, I like the connections that I have made and I like being a part of the league that I have made a home for these last 3 years. In the end, I do everything I do because I want to. If I will lose that, I will just say so. 

I have to somewhat agree with @Spartan here. This doesn't sound like you not caring at all. It just sounds like you have proven everything you may have felt you needed to prove to yourself in this league. So now you can just enjoy the ride for what it is. I don't really know you personally, but you come across as a driven person. So feeling like you "should" strive for literally everything is probably part of your nature. But sometimes letting go of that and just having fun can be a lot more healthy. That's more what it sounds like you're doing now. There is plenty of room to care, without trying to spearhead everything you do care about.

[FrostBeard 2,049]

13 hours ago, Spartan said:

Y'know, I'm not sure if this is necessarily "not caring." Perhaps it's not setting expectations for yourself and just going with the flow. Maybe it's just not setting yourself up for disappointment, or maybe you've lost that "novelty" aspect of the VHL. I've started to feel some of those things recently, but I don't think that I don't care anymore. I certainly care about Moscow, that Pearce at least isn't utter shit, and that we have a fun and engaging league that continues to grow and welcome new faces. 

 

You don't strike me as someone who doesn't care, but rather one who has experience and wisdom, especially within the community. You're a steady presence to the league and a friendly face to all, with a solid legacy in the league's history. I'm happy to see you around every so often and enjoy our brief chats in the Bratislava LR. Hope you stick around for as long as I do

I guess I am just associating this feeling of caring with the ability to strive for something more than I am, I guess you are right. I have been however a bit exhausted as I feel that there is a pressure to try to keep up with all the super duper active people and for me, a fairly busy but able to be here human, it feels exhausting so I have just decided to be myself, be as active as I have ever been and just be around until I am fired or I feel no enjoyment anymore.
 

1 hour ago, Shindigs said:

I have to somewhat agree with @Spartan here. This doesn't sound like you not caring at all. It just sounds like you have proven everything you may have felt you needed to prove to yourself in this league. So now you can just enjoy the ride for what it is. I don't really know you personally, but you come across as a driven person. So feeling like you "should" strive for literally everything is probably part of your nature. But sometimes letting go of that and just having fun can be a lot more healthy. That's more what it sounds like you're doing now. There is plenty of room to care, without trying to spearhead everything you do care about.

Well, it might actually be that way, I just want to GM, do my best and chill. I might not be opposed to getting back into VHL GMing, I liked it a lot and I think I did a good job there but overall, I feel like I am at a point where I am just confusing myself with the word caring. I do however feel like I am not willing to become a beacon of light to start a new revolution in VHL community, that is well past my energy reserves. 

[Spartan 4,402]

Just now, FrostBeard said:

I guess I am just associating this feeling of caring with the ability to strive for something more than I am, I guess you are right. I have been however a bit exhausted as I feel that there is a pressure to try to keep up with all the super duper active people and for me, a fairly busy but able to be here human, it feels exhausting so I have just decided to be myself, be as active as I have ever been and just be around until I am fired or I feel no enjoyment anymore.
 

Well, it might actually be that way, I just want to GM, do my best and chill. I might not be opposed to getting back into VHL GMing, I liked it a lot and I think I did a good job there but overall, I feel like I am at a point where I am just confusing myself with the word caring. I do however feel like I am not willing to become a beacon of light to start a new revolution in VHL community, that is well past my energy reserves. 

I think that as a community, we've somehow managed to convince ourselves that "creating change" is the standard of a high quality member. Change for the sake of change, to have your name associated with that change, or to create some sort of league activity reputation by constantly advocating for change seems stupid to me. People can be quality members without trying to blow up the site.

 

At the least, I'm glad you're still around and doing what you please. I think Reno used to say something like "I'll stay in sim leagues until it becomes a chore," which is a pretty good expression for what we should all follow. It's not the duty of the average member to try and start revolutions, it's just an option available to people that some have seemingly pursued. You're the gold standard Frosty, don't let anything else tell you differently!