Some Reflection

[thadthrasher 1,692]

It's been a while since I really opened up about my life. Sure, I've shared big events in my life, joys and happy things, but there is always darkness in our lives. I've touched on it here and there, but it's been...

 

*looks at post*

 

Wow, almost one whole year.

 

Well I just finished wrapping up bath time for my son. As I wiped him down with soap and rinsed him off, and suffered slightly through the annoyed screams of my two week old, I reflected on the moment. I began to think about what the future will look like for him. What the world will be like that he is going to grow up in. It's an exciting and equally frightening thought process. What will he become? Who will he be? 

 

As I thought through these future events, reminding myself to enjoy the here and now while I have it, I began to think about my own parents. What was it like when they gave me my first bath or when I came home for the first time? These thoughts, inevitably bring up mixed emotions. There is a sense of joy and peace that comes with it, but the deeper and longer lasting sense of dread and sorrow. I think back to how my mother must have looked at me then and I wonder, "how could she have raised me the way she did." When I look at my son, I could never imagine doing what she did.

 

I grew up being raised by my mother. In Pennsylvania, especially in the 90's, mother's almost always got full custody in divorce cases. This meant that even though I lived only 1 mile from my Dad, I only got to see him every Wednesday night and every other weekend. The rest of the time I was stuck at my mother's house, in a meth lab. It was a dangerous scenario to be raised in. There wasn't comfort, love, concern, or even a general sense of care. It was dreadful, dangerous, disgusting, and devastating. While remembering these things brings the emotions of dread and sorrow, I can now look at them and find some joy and peace. It was in spite how I was raised that I value kindness and generosity with people even more. It's in spite of how I was raised that I look to God for hope and peace. It's in spite of how I was raised that I look forward to being a father for the rest of my life, knowing exactly what NOT to do when raising my son.

 

The reflection that comes from all of this is really quite simple... your current situation, condition, or even your upbringing do not have to define who you are, what you do, or who you become. By every rational line of thinking I should be an addict myself, or in prison, or dead. Instead, I have an amazing wife, the gift of a son, a job that I love, and a faith in God that carries me through every situation. Don't let your past define who you are now or who you are going to be. There is hope, there is redemption, and there are many, many chances to do better.

[JardyB10 4,865]

I'm very happy you share this with us. You're the best.

[Tate 450]

Perspective can be a beautiful thing.

 

 

[NSG 498]

Beautiful