Let's Talk About Things

[Gustav 6,393]

Skimming through the forum recently, as one tends to do when one has been busy lately, I noticed that @Peace mentioned in his stepping-down post that there's a lot of drama going on in the league, a lot of immaturity, and just a lot that isn't worth dealing with. And more recently, I was reminded that that was mentioned (as well as further clarified by Peace) by @Fire Fletcher in this article in which he agrees with that point in general.

 

In general? Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I think we're more toxic than we should be, and other times I think it's just that the league and its members don't conform exactly to what some person (not necessarily either of the two mentioned above, just in general) wants to see, and said person makes an issue out of things needlessly. But that isn't why I'm writing this up, because I also think that a point can (and should) be evaluated critically and that it's completely ordinary to not stand completely with or against it.

 

Before I write this next part: this is also me speaking in general. It isn't necessarily about anything written above; what's written above just reminded me of a thing that consistently annoys me but that I've never written about.

 

One piece of Internet advice that I've seen parroted in this league, but probably never actually followed, is "if you have an actual issue with someone, take it to DMs instead of fighting in public". That's all well and good, but it's said so an argument isn't the first thing other people say when they open up the forum or the Discord server. It isn't said because anyone cares whether the issue is resolved--and quite often I feel like no one cares whether the issue is resolved so long as it doesn't concern them. Too often, I've seen people hold grudges--one of the things that was specifically mentioned as a mark of immaturity--against others for their own immaturity. Which is kind of (or actually, very) ironic when you think about it. But does anyone ever send a DM to clear up an issue and talk it out? I don't think that happens much. People have messaged me to disagree with me on things, mostly just league policy things, but that's because those people want to understand my viewpoint and present theirs rather than get a personal difference out of the way. No one has ever messaged me to (much more nicely and indirectly) say "hi, I think you're an idiot and a terrible member of the league, here's why, and I want to know if you think those reasons are valid and if you think there's any way you can help me understand why you choose to do things the way you do". Yeah, of course no one will ever directly say it like that, nor do I think anyone should, but that would at least be doing something about an issue rather than just complaining and expecting me to change. 

 

I think that in general I'm a decently well-liked and respected member of the community, but I've certainly seen (and chosen to ignore) some mean things written about me when people think I'm not looking. I'm hard to offend, so I don't really care--but everyone thinks differently and someone else might be taken aback by something that could have been resolved with a message and an honest conversation rather than (potentially false and usually unwarranted) gossip and shit-talking. If someone has a personal issue with me, I invite you to tell me directly and in private, and let me know what you think I can do to earn your respect (and I will consider doing that if I believe you have a legitimate complaint). And I'd like to ask others to make the same offer, or at the very least to keep its spirit in mind.

 

But in general...please do your part to clear up your issues. Even if someone else put them there, it's a mess that affects you and it only hurts you to not get rid of it.

[Beketov 8,991]

4 hours ago, Gustav said:

But in general...please do your part to clear up your issues. Even if someone else put them there, it's a mess that affects you and it only hurts you to not get rid of it.

@bigAL’s old favourite rule: Don’t be a dick. Surprising how often that rule applies.

[Tate 442]

Not only do I like and respect you Gus, I love how fearless you are when it comes to speaking your mind. 
 

You da man.

 

 

[Fire Tortorella 2,653]

FYI I wasn't speaking to now - I'm not active enough on Discord to know of any actual drama. I was talking more so about my time as a commissioner.