I'm Tired.

[der meister 3,187]

I'm tired. Tired isn't really a strong enough word for it. It's something beyond exhaustion. The compulsive push toward being productive and maximizing the short time I have on this giant spinning rock is barely enough to overcome the exhaustion. The world is on fire. In a lot of ways, it's always been on fire, but it seems to burn hotter by the day. War and terrorism, racism and misogyny, the massacre of innocent children for fuck's sake. Putin's unjust invasion of Ukraine, following up an economic inflationary period that has only served to make the rich richer, and horrible people doing horrible things to innocents who had the audacity to participate in such dangerous activities as grocery shopping and attending school. On a personal level, the school I work at, where my eldest child attends, has not been attacked, but it feels like I need to include the word "yet" at the end of that. 

 

My department of 4 has been short-staffed all year, and more and more things are being put on my shoulders. My boss has COVID, my coworker has been on medical leave for 3 months, and today I found out the state is auditing us before the end of the school year. I work a full-time job, have two busy children, a very bitey puppy, and I'm trying to break into a field of fiction writing at a time where the publishing industry also seems primed for implosion.

 

I'm tired, VHL.

 

But here I am, writing this piece, which is more than double the length it needs to be, because I appreciate this league. Not just for its nerdy stat-crunching datagaming, nor for the escapism it provides. I know I already wrote a media spot about appreciation, but I really want to make sure that I further stress how much I appreciate the VHL community, its generosity in charity drives, its myriad, but [typically] friendly personalities.

 

So from one very tired man, who has seen the white hairs on his chin quadruple since Tuesday: thank you. 

 

 

 

 

P.S. I'd be okay with someone from league administration giving me extra uncapped TPE for this. 

[Daniel Janser 2,167]

Hey @der meister,

 

I feel with you. Being a father of two, I worry as well about their well being and in what kind of world we brought them into. Fortunately, in Switzerland, despite readily available full auto rifles, no such horrible things as you mentioned happened so far (and I do not care that it shall start).

Alas, traffic can be as dangerous as gun nuts (and on some level is maybe almost more imminent, as drivers tend to be more distracted then when I was a kid, and there is always traffic (and rush hour one to boot)).

 

Covid has been taxing on many people (which does not make it better don't get me wrong) and I can again feel with you. Luckily for me it did not take on the same level as with you apparently. 

 

I hope that you will find a silver lining outside the VHL as soon as possible to lift your spirits and give you back some of the energy lost in the recent past.

 

You are not alone and you can reach out to me at your leisure. Be it for casual small talk or more serious matter. What little assistance I can lend you, I am happy to do so.

 

Take care, fellow VHLer.

Edited May 25, 2022 by Daniel Janser

[der meister 3,187]

I appreciate it, @Daniel Janser. Take care of those kiddos, man. 

[mediocrepony 1,216]

Hey man.

I honestly don't quite know how to articulate my response to this. I feel like this very feeling has been wafting over my head for sadly years now. All of the terrible things that have happened in the past few years have overshadowed the good by quite a large margin. I am in the almost reverse position of you, being one of two kids to increasingly overworked parents who manage to cart me and my brother to all of our various sporting events and things we want to do. The tension has been pretty high recently, with some arguments between my argumentative and stubborn yet goofy younger brother (who is at fault yet doesn't admit it) and my dad, which has made the house seem quieter yet louder at the same time. However, I can't really complain compared to the 29 people and their families whose lives have been lost performing basic tasks necessary to life. Its been a long, long time since I've felt so unsafe yet so safe at the same time, with people in my city being shot by a racist scum of the earth man and then the place i spend my most time, a school, with innocent, harmless little 10 year olds being shot on the other side of the country, have combined to really make me feel uneasy recently. However, there is still so much good in communities and many individual people that it's hard for me to entirely lose hope even though everything seems hopeless. The community over on Jefferson and the East Side bonding together in the wake of the massacre, schoolteachers offering support and help to anyone who needs it, and on a personal level for me a burgeoning love life and a stranger on discord actually making me smile with their kind words (first is much more important but still). Life sucks. But there's always something small that brings a little light into everything.

[der meister 3,187]

Thanks for the response, @GrittyIsKing.  Seeing the city bond out of the hatred has been one of the few bright spots, but at a terrible price.