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San Diego Asks Semifinal Series to be Played in Water


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In a shocking request, officials from the San Diego Marlins have reached out to the Las Vegas Aces and asked that their upcoming series be played in the ocean.

 

"We figure we're the Marlins, so it makes sense that we'd want to tango out in the open water.  I'm honestly not sure if any of the Las Vegas players can swim...our guys literally have fins so I think it's a huge advantage," said one unnamed source out of San Diego.

 

The idea was thought to be a joke, but apparently the Marlins are completely serious.

 

"The way those guys are talking makes it sound like they're some sort of man-fish hybrid. Like their actually marlins. I mean, that's not biologically possible, right? (nervous laughter). I'm not saying I'm scared of mermen-fish things, but....well now that I think about that I think I might be scared of playing something like that.  Do they really all have fins?" Las Vegas center Dogwood Maple was clearly shaken by the prospect.

 

Dogwood continued:

 

"I can swim, but swimming and playing at the same time?  How does that even work?  Where's the ice? Is this water polo?  I don't understand what's going on, to be honest.  First I thought it was a joke but I talked to a friend of a friend and they said that every player who gets drafted by San Diego has to have gills surgically implanted so they can breathe underwater.  But that's a joke...right?"

 

Two members of the head office could not confirm or deny where the game would be played and simply referred any questions to the pre-published postseason schedule that showed the first game starting in Las Vegas. However, the San Diego Marlins recently sent a care package to Las Vegas consisting of scuba gear, flippers, and floaties in what was either an intimidation tactic or simply a preparatory shipment with the impending water battle looming.


To make things even more interesting, there is now evidence that the Marlins were behind the flooding of the Las Vegas arena that happened earlier this season.  It was originally thought to be a power outage, but now there is evidence that San Diego was simply preparing for the coming sea battle between these two teams that seemed inevitable.

 

"I'm not saying San Diego deliberately thawed our ice, but it really makes you think, y'know?  And come to think of it, I could've sworn I saw someone in a Marlins hoodie the day before the flood happened walking near our facility. I know they have a huge fanbase so it's not uncommon to see some of them in Vegas, but like I said...it really makes you think," continued Maple.

 

Regardless of where the game is played this series is sure to be an all-timer as both teams finished the regular season with the exact same number of points, which was tied for the most in the entire league. They were also first and second in goals scored, goals allowed, goal differential, wins, and virtually every other team statistic.  The oddsmakers agree that this will be a close battle and have the two sides with the exact same betting odds to advance.  

 

One thing is for certain, though - whoever wins this series will have a leg, or fin, up in the next round and will likely be the favorite to win the championship.
 

(560 words)

Edited by dogwoodmaple
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