Why my voice?

[nurx 914]

Hello VHL, this is sort of a rant about something that has been ongoing since I was probably 12. If you have listened to my podcast ever you may have noticed that I sound very young and some say I have a soft and high voice. This is all true, and it doesn't really bother me that this my voice is like that. However, the entire time when other guys my age would have their voices deepen mine never did. I go back listen to recordings of me and I sound very similar from when I was 14 and older. The problem lies in that I have always been made fun of for how my voice sounds. I want to share a few stories about what I mean.

 

This is the first time I was truly aware that my voice was higher than normal kids voices are. I was in 6th grade on the first day of school. Truly one of the scariest days your first day of middle school, but I went to my science class and the teacher calls my name and I say "here". He pauses looks around and asks me to repeat it. I say it again. He says "Oh sorry it sounded like a girl said that." I know this really is a minor story but it is the first time I really felt bad about something I couldn't control.

 

Another story comes from when I was learning how to drive at around 15. My dad wanted to go through a drive thru, so we pulled up and ordered. After we were done the employee said to me "Yes Ma'am." Now this also is a really small thing, but it bothered me because it is something that can hurt. I don't think being called a girl is an insult, but I also do not want to be called something I am not.

 

Another example is whenever I play video games. I used to play counter-strike a lot, but I often wouldn't use my mic because even though I was 16 or 17 everyone I played with said I was a 9 year old therefore anything I said was negated. I remember saying that I was going to go the gym one afternoon and the person I was playing with actually said "Does you dad know that it isn't healthy for kids as young as you to go the the gym?" I was 17 maybe 18 at the time. I not only wasn't going with my dad, but I was paying for my own membership.

 

Tonight. I was hanging out with a newer person I haven't talked to significantly. They had someone with them who asked how old I was. I said 19 and they said "oh your voice is deceiving. It sounds like you haven't gone through puberty yet" She then went onto say, "I actually like it I think it is cute."

 

All of these stories hurt and have worn on me throughout my life. It isn't like any other insult I have received in my life because it is recurring and I have received it my entire life. I have gone to endocrinologists who say everything is fine this is just how my voice will be my entire life. To this day I do not go through drive thrus or talk in video games. I only did a podcast because I didn't think people would listen to it. I really do wonder though, out of all the things that are wrong with me and you could make fun of. Why do they always go after my voice? One of the few things in my life I have no control over. I wouldn't care as much if people made fun of my haircut because it is something I can control. 

[nurx 914]

please do not take this as a call for pity. this truly is just me ranting about something I experience. It is small but it hurts me so I just want everyone to know that even if you think it is small don't say it to someone. You never know what hurts someone. It is better to be careful then just be added to a list of people who have made fun of the one things they truly do care about.

[Daniel Janser 2,111]

I was at the other end of this... I was working in a first level internal IT support in a Swiss Bank (yeah I know very cliché). There was this caller, who called on a regular basis. In Switzerland you only give your family name when you call someone (I for example would say 'This is Janser'). One does not ordinarily give the first name or the mister/ma'am stuff when calling someone. So it is for the recipient of the call to guess the persons sex. Which of course I did wrong as this gentleman had an unusual high voice and to me sounded like an elderly lady. He corrected me and I apologized. He seemed to get it a lot and kind of waived it off. Of course whenever he called again I gave them the proper pronouns/address.

 

All of this is a longwinded way to say, that it is often unavoidable that people mislabel you with no ill intent or ill will, based on the limited data they have at the time. It is just an honest mistake. And sometimes they cannot avoid the 'Mr/Ma'am/sir/whatever thingy as they need to address you as per company policy. It is a difference if you say 'Please, proceed to the take out tiller' or 'Please, proceed to the take out tiller, sir.'

 

I can see why it bothers you and why you feel powerless in this instances. 

 

I am not trying to say that it cannot be taxing for you to be mislabeled on a regular basis and do not mean to play it down. The advice I want to give you (and I am by no means an expert on the field), is to not be bothered too much when people make an honest mistake. They are not trying to bully you, or mock you. They do not know better (especially if they cannot see you). I know this is easier said than done, but as much as you cannot change your voice, they cannot know your gender based on the voice alone and have to make educated guesses.

 

Or on a more positive approach: the fact that they apparently 'go after' mostly your voice, means they do not find many other 'flaws' (for the lack of a better word). Which to me means you are a nice person and do a lot of things right (and I have not found evidence to the contrary so far). 

 

Your teacher though should have known better, working with kids, and having full name and visual data at their disposal.

 

I hope this does not sound too much like 'man up' rant. Just trying to give you the perspective of someone who has mislabeled other people before, without ill will or intention to hurt, but out of a honest mistake.

 

Wishing you all the best and hoping these bothering incidents will become less and less.

 

 

[Shindigs 1,771]

People being dicks about it in CS is to be expected, because people in CS are dicks about literally everything. But as much as I get how hurtful it can be to you, a lot of this doesn't come across as people trying to be hurtful. Rather just being surprised by your voice and reacting without thinking in how they comment on it. Much like what Dan said.

 

For the longest time I just assumed you were Asian, what with your player being named Yun Chiang and having an Asian render and whatnot. Wasn't until "the cursed video" that I realized I was mistaken. So I was basically guilty of the same thing. Making incorrect assumptions based on what information I had. So I'm sorry about PFP+voice ID:ing you.