Claimed:Barnstormer Thwarts Terrorist Attack [Final: 6/6]

[Jericho 917]

Barnstormer Thwarts Terrorist Attack

by: Moriarty "Games" Dean

Excerpt taken and translated from the Bratislava Noviny 

 

Little was known about VHLM goaltender Jax Barnstormer when he first declared for VHLM eligibility. He had apparently risen from the ether, a pale man who clearly hadn't seen the light of day in a few years. Nobody knew much about him, except for the Watchmen scouts apparently, who claimed him immediately via waver wire. In under a day Barnstormer had been signed and flown to Brataslava to replace longtime terrible goaltender Soren Douffet.

 

Barnstormer would sit in the stands on that first night, having had complications with his Visa, but was up at the crack of dawn the next day to sort them out. He made his way to the Embassy in order to expatiate his Visa. It would turn out that this simple decision would ultimately save the life of a local diplomat.

 

Barnstormer relaxing on his first night in Brataslava

 

While waiting in line, a local terrorist group known as the Lebka, attacked the Embassy. They burst in through several windows with Sub-machine guns raised. Security put up a resistance, but when the last guard fell there was still one Lebka alive with half a clip left.

 

Barnstormer sprang into action, positioning himself in a hallway which blocked him from going any further. When the Lebka terrorist raised his SMG and fired, Barnstormer was able to block every bullet with his fast hands and something he later called the "Harajuku-bashu technique". Once the terrorist had run out of bullets, Barnstormer snapped both of his arms and tied him up with them.

 

"Yeah, I learned that when I was in my sequester from the great Benjamin Glover. They shot guns at me all the time, and after a few surgeries I was able to block them with my hands. I'll have scars on my hands and arms for the rest of my life, but it makes for a neat party trick." Barnstormer said in an interview about the event.

 

The Watchman goalie was labeled a hero, because unknown to him, the Lebka had been sent to murder the Undersecretary of Commerce, Irena Banik. Barnstormer would later admit that he was unaware of this, not being able to speak the country's language, but this did not deter Banik from rewarding Barnstormer for his efforts.

 

Barnstormer and Banik are too cool to look at explosions during a night on the town

 

"That chick was totally awesome. She took me out to dinner and a club on the government's dime. It was an incredibly night, because she is absolutely gorgeous. She may be the Undersecretary, but she was definitely the Oversecretary that night if you catch my drift."

 

When asked about his visa Barnstormer had this to say,

 

"Irena said they'd be fast tracking my Visa after my deeds at the Embassy, so I expect to be on the ice shortly. Turns out saving lives really puts you in the good graces of the people who put that all through. I don't expect to be on the bench for long".

 

Barnstormer is expected to start as early as tomorrow for the Watchmen and is hopeful of his chances at a Founder's Cup. He comes from an agency with a long line of VHLM success, and that experience isn't something to be taken lightly.

 

*Italics represent Czech words that were left untranslated as they were proper nouns.

[probably not noah 346]

Lies and slander. 

[Da Trifecta 1,896]

Content: 3/3 Great piece here. Barnstormer seems like he is trying to have a superhero esque swag (I think kids are still going with that word). Maybe worry about hockey more?

Grammar: 2/2 Couple things below

Appearance: 1/1

 

Final: 6/6

 

Brataslava -> Bratislava

waver wire -> waiver wire

[gorlab 4,321]

what a god damn hero

[Kendrick 4,741]

Claimed