Time to Relocate London (An 80% Serious Proposal)

[aimkin 892]

Hello there guys, gals and non-binary pals. It is I, Aimkin. Your resident whatever you think of me and I am here today to propose to you a proposal like no one has ever proposed before. There will be a picture and words and hopefully they will all be good ones.

 

I come to you today to propose a relocation. But not just any relocation; no. A relocation that would be super expensive, weirdly specific, and result in the most amazing mascot that any VHL team could hope to have swing from the rafters and get stuck, forcing personnel to try and figure out how to get them down without killing the person inside the costume. Yes kids, I admit it. It’s not a real large fluffy animal; it's probably an underpaid intern who was able to dance and walk on ice without breaking their face.

 

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I, and others, think that it is time to relocate the London United. Have they only been around for a little over 10 seasons? Yes. Have they managed to overcome all odds and win a cup? Also yes. But none of that really matters and I am going to use this proposal to tell you why. I am going to show that it will be expensive but worth it, and that the mascot idea alone will win over the board of governors to take me seriously. Not only that, but a slogan has been chosen. Much like the Kraken in the NHL, we are putting the cart before the horse and doing all of the marketing before even knowing for sure that people are going to want it. Though, I think people will.

 

First Proposal Point:
The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons. Prior to that, it was the Indian flag for god knows how long. No one has even seen the London United logo or colors truly for some time now. No one reps them beyond jerseys and the red white and blue is just so 1700’s. It’s beyond passé. This location however, will allow us to match the national football (soccer) team and bring some much needed brilliant life and color into this team. 

 

Second Proposal Point:
Why the hell is a flag the logo for the team? It’s so boring and kinda funky. It’s also small and is more likely to invite opposing teams to tour the city instead of being afraid of us. We want our logo to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. We want them screaming for their mommies when they hit the ice or look at our jerseys. I want them wetting their pants then claiming it’s just from falling on the ice a lot. So I give you….a logo mock up….

 

Spoiler

 

Third Proposal Point:
We can have a slogan. One which can be changed based on the GM at the time. It’s simple, really. A single sentence that tells people who we are and what we can do. How we will dominate and destroy. I give you….the slogan…

 

Spoiler

Jacob's milkshakes bring all the boys to the Yard!

 

Fourth Proposal Point:
Because why not? I mean things like this happen all the time around here so it honestly couldn’t hurt to move one measly team to another city. I’m sure the cost will hover in the tens of billions of dollars but honestly, who cares? I’m sure those seasonal donations are more than enough to rehome an entire team and all of its facilities. Besides, I’m sure it wouldn't cost that much to build a new state of the art arena in a country not all that known for hockey. And how hard could it really be to grow interest and fans in said country? I'm sure it’ll be fine. No worries there.

 

And now that you have read my proposal, I am sure that you are 100% in agreement with me that London United should be relocated to Scotland and be renamed the Nessies, the arena called The Yard, and with the mascot being the majestic (and very fluffy) highland cow. 

 

logo and slogan brought to you by @Triller

 

691 words for week ending 10/1/2023
 

[Zetterberg 862]

@Triller amazing logo!!

@aimkin What would this new team be called? Also I gotta agree, London United is just the British New York Americans. Same colours, same logo, and much like NYA it feels more like a soccer team’s branding more then a hockey team.

[aimkin 892]

28 minutes ago, Zetterberg said:

@Triller amazing logo!!

@aimkin What would this new team be called? Also I gotta agree, London United is just the British New York Americans. Same colours, same logo, and much like NYA it feels more like a soccer team’s branding more then a hockey team.

The Scotland Nessies! 

 

Actually, maybe the Highland Nessies now that I think about it.

Edited September 29, 2023 by aimkin

[Alex 2,886]

I could really get behind a rebrand to some extent. I’m guessing that United is some play off of Manchester United? A rebrand could be really interesting and give the team a better identity

[jacobcarson877 2,108]

17 minutes ago, Alex said:

I’m guessing that United is some play off of Manchester United

I always assumed it had something to do with the United Kingdom

[Zetterberg 862]

4 hours ago, aimkin said:

The Scotland Nessies! 

 

Actually, maybe the Highland Nessies now that I think about it.

Any reason they can’t stay in London?

[jacobcarson877 2,108]

4 minutes ago, Zetterberg said:

Any reason they can’t stay in London?

Kinda just gives off the same vibes as NYA as a center of red white and blue patriotism. Nothing really original, but if the city is what holds BOG up then that would be the first concession I'd make haha

OG logo is just boring and jarring compared to the quality of the newer ones.

[aimkin 892]

2 minutes ago, jacobcarson877 said:

Kinda just gives off the same vibes as NYA as a center of red white and blue patriotism. Nothing really original, but if the city is what holds BOG up then that would be the first concession I'd make haha

OG logo is just boring and jarring compared to the quality of the newer ones.

Agreed. If I had to keep them in London to please whoever, then that's alright. But either way the team needs a serious rebrand. But unless we want to be the London Fish 'n Chips, I'm not sure what a more creative alternative would be lol.

[JCarson 603]

Article Review:

 

I tend to pick articles that I can give very positive reviews about but in this instance I need to put my foot down. Early in this article the Author notes:

 

The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons.

 

I must make it known that the cat in the locker room is the actual Molly the Cat, that cute muted Calico is the one and only Molly the Cat and as Empress of Everything must remind the author to show the proper respect.  

 

Now that this has been fully noted, we give this article a 9/10, great article, great idea and great teamwork getting Triller to make a logo.

[aimkin 892]

Just now, JCarson said:

Article Review:

 

I tend to pick articles that I can give very positive reviews about but in this instance I need to put my foot down. Early in this article the Author notes:

 

The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons.

 

I must make it known that the cat in the locker room is the actual Molly the Cat, that cute muted Calico is the one and only Molly the Cat and as Empress of Everything must remind the author to show the proper respect.  

 

Now that this has been fully noted, we give this article a 9/10, great article, great idea and great teamwork getting Triller to make a logo.

 Please forgive me for my unintended sleight against Molly the Cat. I hope she can forgive me and also rate this article a 9/10.

[Triller 1,415]

As a United player myself, I agree with a rebrand and relocation!  It is unanimous!

[eagle_3450 278]

On 9/29/2023 at 3:34 PM, jacobcarson877 said:

Kinda just gives off the same vibes as NYA as a center of red white and blue patriotism. Nothing really original, but if the city is what holds BOG up then that would be the first concession I'd make haha

OG logo is just boring and jarring compared to the quality of the newer ones.

I have an idea, London Guardians, make the colours the same as the british royal guards (red, black, and white) and make a new logo with swords and a crown.