United Announce Open Tryouts and Free Skate!

[jacobcarson877 2,541]

The London United have announced that they will be conducting open tryouts for several key positions on their roster. This announcement comes after the retirement of Igor Molotov and The Board Game Clue On Skates, who both held important roles on and off the ice. While the team made the playoffs this season, and made it through a tightly contested play-in round against the Helsinki Titans, it is clear that the team needs to make significant changes if they hope to see themselves raising another championship banner. These open tryouts are a last resort for this franchise, as it clings to the hope of bringing this core of players another championship.

 

The team is primarily looking for Centers and Defenders. With Igor Molotov leaving, there is an obvious hole for a true elite Center. The team has banked on a hodgepodge group up the middle for too long, and while rookie Sjin should be able to keep up with the VHL, it seems rather optimistic to assume he can immediately come in and make wingers Molly the Cat and Leonard Triller into Szatkowski Trophy contenders. While all Forwards are encouraged to try out, faceoff ability will be heavily taken into consideration.

 

The second position of note is the Defenders. Historically, the United have had a rather lopsided rotation of Defenders, often relying on a select few to play heavy minutes. Under the reign of legendary Goaltender Jesse Teno, the focus on loading up the back end is less of a concern, especially considering the scoring woes of the Jacob Carson tenure. The salary cap is cruel and unforgiving, and as such London will be looking for a motley crew of tenacious defenders, eager to earn their ice time, and compliment the great scoring empire this nation aims to build. The coaching staff are specifically looking for someone who is not afraid to shoot the puck, and has a knack for puck retrieval.

 

Tryouts will be held at the Royal Forum over the next two weeks, under the close supervision of the coaching staff and the leadership group presiding over the United. This is a particularly important season as rumours of a Scottish takeover are swirling, and considering the circular nature of history, it seems wise to heed this looming warning.

 

There will be a special Kids, Aunts and Cats skate this Thursday afternoon. No one is allowed to observe this event beyond the attendees. All other parties are asked to please enter the Lord Simon Chapel, and participate in a lovely potluck and blood sacrifice. We hope everyone can make it, and please check the link in our Instagram bio for more information. Anyone who does not attend either Open Tryouts or the Kids, Aunts and Cats skate will be charged a special tax. A tax on what you might ask?

You know already, deep down.

 

Please RSVP at your earliest convenience, and please, remember to sleep well, drink lots of water and eat lots of meat and leafy greens before Thursday!  

[Spartan 4,408]

Will you take Nico Pearce's corpse

[jacobcarson877 2,541]

1 minute ago, Spartan said:

Will you take Nico Pearce's corpse

sure!

[Aimee 1,135]

2 hours ago, jacobcarson877 said:

legendary Goaltender Jesse Teno

Hell yea!

[eagle_3450 278]

19 hours ago, jacobcarson877 said:

The team is primarily looking for Centers and Defenders. With Igor Molotov leaving, there is an obvious hole for a true elite Center.

 

Faceoff ability will be heavily taken into consideration.

*Ivan clears throat extremely loudly*

[Grape 680]

Shawty Nananana might have a little gas left in the tank