theme week Obuz Snubbеd by All-Star Vote

[Grape 528]

The VHL has expressed interest in organizing and setting up an all-star game and skills competition after the trade deadline, and have decided to put the rosters in the hands of the fans, allowing for each and every slot to be filled via a fan vote, with a minimum of one representative from each team, with nine skaters and two goalies per conference. With how widespread the VHL and their subsidiary leagues are around the globe, this fan vote brought in hundreds of thousands of votes, with nearly every single player receiving a vote, whether it be due to their on-ice production, personality, or complete lack of either that people would think it’d be funny to see them amongst superstars. Again, nearly every player received a vote. A rather awkward phone call conversation was had between Moscow defenseman Obuz Schneider Canet du Bocage and the VHL commissioners. Apparently, Bocage did not receive even one single vote, out of the countless votes sent in, tying only former teammate Montgomery Burns, who was deemed ineligible for the event, having taken leave from the league to return to college, as his degree was revoked due to him plagiarizing one of his final papers. While Bocage was not necessarily expecting to receive many votes, he was utterly shocked to receive none.

Bocage has released the following statement during a press conference:
“I mean, I knew from the get go that I wasn’t gonna be going. I’m not the flashiest of players, I wasn’t really a top rookie last season nor am I putting up big numbers this season. I guess I don’t really have that big of a personality either that fans can really resonate with. I kinda just go out there and do my job. Even though I have the A, I’m not a vocal leader. I lead by example through reliable defensive play. Even still, I’d like to think I’d be at least one fan’s favorite player, but I guess people want to see someone who has what I don’t.”

When OSCB first came into the league, there really was not much there in terms of jersey sales, being outshined by other rookies on the Menace. Coming into his Sophomore year, his jersey sales sit in the bottom 5% of the league, and likely won’t see much of a bump until he starts to produce at the level expected of him. Not even his parents wear his jersey when attending games, stating that, while Obuz is their son, they simply find his game kind of boring and like watching fellow blueliner Leif Reingaard more. 

 

Because the commissioners felt bad, they decided to give poor ole Obuz a little gift, in the form of a 1988 blue Ford Ranger, which broke down immediately upon arrival and was then sold for about $500, and a $50 IHOP gift card with $7.95 (the price of a Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity combo with tax) already spent. When Bocage complained about the poor reward and stated that he’d rather not get anything at all, the commissioners simply wished him a good day and hung up the phone.

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