“Guess Who’s Back, Back, Back, Back Again”

[ScottyP 199]

As the off-season starts before season 94 began, Ol’ Rip Wheeler found himself in a rut after his brother from another mother, John Jameson retired. Prague was eliminated from the playoffs and everyone went home to rest.  Rip had his best season being surrounded by the stud players of the Prague Phantoms and he looked at his future with the team and contemplated a position change.  Wheeler was sitting in his 1980’s bean bag chair with a plate of White Castle cheese burgers on the one side, and a half empty bottle of Buffalo Trace on the other side of the sweat stained fake leather upholstery.  He was watching a rerun of Yellowstone Season 4 when he got a call from @Frank, Vancouver Wolves GM. Rip was headed back to North America, to the country where his VHL journey began…the great white north! 

 

Rip Wheeler took the next thing smokin’ to Vancouver and met with Frank.  He soon found himself in a new uniform, a new locker room, and with a new focus.  Wheeler went to his hotel happy but soon realized he had to get his shit in order if he wanted to stay in the Wolfpack. Logan Ninefingers @scurvy, called him and told him to be downstairs in 5 minutes for a morning work out. Rip knows Ninefingers well and came down in Jorts and a Stetson because he was under the impression the “workout” was gonna be at the local whiskey bar…Unbeknownst to Wheeler, they were headed to Golds Gym for an “old school” workout. Wheeler left Gold’s two and a half hours later with dead legs and sore arms….even yacking in the bathroom trash can! Ninefingers took Rip to get some pedialite, and find his sense of purpose in life. 

 

After a few weeks of pumping iron with the man who’s missing a finger (ninefingers), Rip had new attitude and was hitting the gym hard in preparation for a successful season VHL 94, and he’s even given up on the Buffalo Trace.  Rips the first one at the arena every morning and stays late every night working on his stick skills, and shots from the slot. Ninefingers has agreed to take the lanky, gangly armed Wheeler under his wings and has promised that Wheeler will improve. The motto has been “the beatings will stop, when the cardio and the wrist shot improves”. 

 

As Rippy Dubs left the rink and stepped outside to his custom “Wolf Grey Harley”, he found himself amongst a group of hockey fanatics. The interaction went down something like this:

 

Fan #1 - “Hey, I know you, you’re Rip Wheeler, you came from Prague.  Are you going to do as good for us as you did for the Phantoms?”

 

Rip Wheeler - “You know baud…I do what I do.  You know uh, come by will call on the first game and uh tell them Rip has some uh tickets for you.  I got ya baud….I’m always looking out for the boys.”

 

Fan #1 - “Wow Mr. Rip, thank you.  I’m gonna be just like you when I grow up.”

 

Rip Wheeler - “You do what you do…like I do what I do…you know, uh, when I hop outta bed…I put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else…but uh, ya know buddy…the difference is when I hit the wash room, I piss excellence!”

 

Fan #2 - “Mr Rip, what’s up Brother?…can I have tickets too?  I’m a left winger too and I think you’re the legit.”

 

Rip Wheeler - “What’s up Brother?! Special teams, special plays. special players…Tuesday, Tuesday! Damn Son, you know it.  I’ll hook you up with some uh, ya know some uh sweet tickets too.  In fact, how many of the boys ya got standing here?”

 

Rip Wheeler begins to count the fans who have circled around him. “Uh, one, two, three, four, five, six, uh, uh, uh.”

 

Fan #2 - “Seven?”

 

Rip Wheeler - “Yeah, that’s it baud. Seven.  I will get y’all boys all tickets for the first game.  You guys are absolute beauties! Come down to the rink and see Ol’ Rip light up that lamp bar-downski…sitting right uh, ya know behind the tendy.”

 

All the fans can be heard cheering and chanting  “Rip! Rip! Rip!” as Wheeler walks away.  Rip throws in an upper decky, turns and gives them the Vancouver hand () gesture and yells, “NO Ragrets.” Rip has the makings of quickly becoming a fan favorite! But, only time will tell if his hopes and dreams will come to fruition. 

 

758 words - 500 Media Spot / 158 VHL.com Article

Edited May 20 by ScottyP

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5 minutes ago, ScottyP said:

The motto has been “the beatings will stop

 

6 minutes ago, ScottyP said:

I piss excellence!”