Riga vs. Helstinky Preview

[eaglesfan036 4,602]

The Helstinky Drapers have just finished up their series against the Express, and look to take on the glorious Riga Reign. Here are a few key things to look at for the playoff series:

 

How many penalty minutes will Don Draper have?

 

As everyone in the VHL knows, Draper frequently visits the penalty box. So far during the playoffs, Draper has amassed a whopping 4 penalty minutes. If you were to divide 4 by 0.001, you would get a whopping 4,000 penalty minutes! This clearly proves Draper has tons of penalty minutes

 

Is Draper a cheater?

 

Draper leads everyone in the playoff with a 30% shooting percentage. It is rumored that Draper gets a Helstinky fan to throw a tomato at the opposing team's goalie before each of his shots in order to distract the goalie so he scores. This is the only way his scoring could be so high, and vhl experts predict Draper will have a shooting percentage of -999% when he goes up against the legendary goalie Mike Longlastname. 

 

Is Helsinki even good at Rigging?

 

With 3 of the league's commissioners on helstinky, you'd think they would be good at rigging. However, in the latest draft lottery Helstinky was so bad at rigging that they earned themselves the worst pick of the lottery. It's clear that overlord surpreme commander and Riga Reign GM Jim Gow is the best rigger of them all. 

 

 

[STZ 5,360]

Deflate Gate = when we pop dat Riga ego

[Higgins 3,618]

We don't pull out