Ardsvuni Tigran Khorenatsi Astavdzaturyan
Organized Leader of the Artsakh Oblast, Nagorno-Karabakh Region
- Controls the Armenian-nationalized Nagorno-Karabakh Region, located as an enclave inside the borders of Azerbaijan
- Does not recognize Azerbaijani authority
- Fights for the independence of the Nagorno-Karabakh people, would settle for Armenian rule
- Yells "Down with the Azerbaijani tyrants!" once every three hours; dedication to this task is unerring and results in restless bouts of brief sleep
Former freedom fighter, Artsakh Oblast, Nagorno-Karabakh Region
- Fought for the return of Artsakh to its time as a principality in the Middle Ages
- Read Elegy on the Death of Grand Prince Juansher to the people every Tuesday at 1, so that they may remember the glory days of the independence of Artsakh
Former clergyman of the great prophet, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Armenian glorious overlord of all
- Must be willing to give 4 days between shifts, as travel is limited to a poorly maintained railway line between Ketelparaq and Stepanakert, and then outgoing flights from Stepanakert.
- Must make enough money per shift to pay for the flights both in and out of Stepanakert, and the train tickets both to and from Ketelparaq.
- Must be given off May 29 every year, as it is a holy day of rememberance of the martyrdom of Great Prophet Henrikh Mkhitaryan, when the Azerbaijani tyrants cut him down rather than allow him to enter their country.