Turku Is Out Of Hats

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Turku Is Out Of Hats

 

TURKU - With a 6-0 victory over the Moscow Red Wolves, the Turku Outlaws are moving on to the VHLM Semi-Finals to take on the Bratislava Watchmen. The team has been flourishing on the ice, and naturally, so has the team's fan store. Winning is always an excellent pitch, but the Outlaws' recent offensive onslaught has kept the fans coming back for more... more hats, that is. In all five games played in the Quarter-Finals, a Turku player scored a hat trick - leading to all Outlaw fans in attendance losing their hats multiple times. Unfortunately, the fan store has been unable to keep up with the astronomical demand for hats and is currently out of stock.

 

"It's odd, you enjoy the business, but you need them to slow down in order to replenish your stock," said Bryce Stanton, a worker at the fan store. "It's unbelievable to imagine that a team can be that fortunate to be scoring so many goals, and naturally the fan store has done well with replacing our fans' headgear. But three hat tricks in three playoff games at home? Nobody left with a hat after those games. If we're lucky, we'll have them back in stock by Game Three of the Semi-Finals."

 

LW Wolfgang Strauss recorded three of the hat tricks, with C A.C. Slater and RW Max MacInnis collecting the other two. The Outlaws travel to Bratislava to face the defending champion Watchmen.

 

Jethro Novacek is a contributor to the MSFL Times, which remains fully inflated. He enjoys groan-worthy puns, impeccable headgear and days that the bank is open a little later.

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Turku 2 Gud

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Breaking news: Turku ice crew has been spotted donating thousands of hats to the village in Africa where Super Bowl shirts for the losing team go.