Claimed:Encarnacion Sets Personal Bests, Spends Two Hours in Company Of Others Without Shitting On Floor Or Setting Building On Fire [FINAL 6/6]

[Tagger 2,722]

Look at the superiority of this cup!

 

Why anyone would let Edwin Encarnacion remotely close to a role of authority in the VHL is anyone’s guess, but lo and behold that’s exactly what he got as he was awarded the role of general manager for the Season 41 VHL Super Cup. Leading Team Brekker Bad (a pun involving both the ridiculously popular TV series Breaking Bad and VHL Hall of Fame Center Anton Brekker) made the first surprising pick of the draft with just the second pick of the draft by selecting two-time VHL Champion Tom Slaughter. While that would not normally be a shock, as Slaughter is a phenomenal player, it was a shock that he was taken by Encarnacion as the Dominican had been very vocal in the past about his dislike for Slaughter’s less physical approach to the game. It seems now however that Encarnacion has a newfound respect for the New York Americans center after Slaughter not only won a fight in the VHL Championship series, but also got ejected from a World Cup group game for unsportsmanlike conduct.

 

Look at how super this GM is!

 

 It looked for much of the early part of the draft that Edwin Encarnacion was going to do what Edwin Encarnacion would do by only picking the most physical players for his team. In the second round of the draft, Edwin selected Helsinki Titans defenseman Jake Wylde, a player who is not only immensely talented with the puck but also more than capable of delivering a crushing blow to his opponent. With the third selection, Brekker Bad selected Bruno Wolf, one of the most physical players in the league who led the league in goals scored last season and is one of the favourites to be crowned as the Most Valuable Player for Season 41. Strangely enough though, Wolf was the last player selected by Encarnacion who would be considered as extremely physical, as Encarnacion would then go on to draft players who were either skilled with the puck or with a strong hockey I.Q. After the draft was concluded, it was calculated that Brekker Bad’s players had accrued the second most total practice hours between them. While how much work someone puts into practice is not necessarily an indicator of how much success someone will have on the ice, it certainly shows that Encarnacion drafted a hard working group of players, which is a surprise considering Encarnacion’s total lack of hockey knowledge.

 

We asked the Super Cup Commissioner for his thoughts but received no answer

 

What’s even more surprising is that no drastic measures had to be put into place to make sure that Encarnacion did not soil the integrity of the VHL. While there were several fire engines on standby, not once did Encarnacion make any effort to set the draft hall on fire. In fact, not only did Encarnacion not shit on the VHL; he did not shit on the floor, he did not shit himself, he did not shit in the punchbowl, he didn’t shit AT ALL! While his peers were undoubtedly impressed by this remarkable and sudden display of self-control, it also left many with the suspicion that this was an act on the part of Encarnacion in an effort to aid his recent request to become the new VHL Player Store Manager. 

[stevo 791]

not enough PIMs imo

[CowboyinAmerica 2,887]

Content: 3/3 - Is it bad that I'm slightly dismayed at the complete lack of shit anywhere? Because I'm slightly dismayed.

 

Grammar: 2/2 - I was considering being an asshole and saying that you spelled "favorite" wrong, but I'm not an asshole.

 

Leading Team Brekker Bad .. made the = need a subject like "he" in there

 

Presentation: 1/1 - Even the Blue Jay on Encarnacion's shirt has dumbells! I like that.

 

Total: 6/6

[CoachReilly 688]

Claimed