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Claimed:Life In Times S01E04 "Circumventing Trouble" [REVIEWED]


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EXT-ROADSIDE-MORNING

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A police officer is standing on the roadside looking at his watch as people in orange jump suits clean up garbage from the side of the road. The officer continues to look at his watch as he taps his foot on the road, not even caring about the people that are doing the community service. Off in the distance he sees a bus approaching at a good speed. As the bus nears the bus does not slow down till it’s too close for comfort so the officer has to jump out of the way. The bus comes to a full stop and the door of the bus flies open and Sir William Covington III a roll off the bus before standing quickly to his feet. He is wearing a cape and a crown.

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William

The King is reporting for duty!

 

The officer does not look amused by this and takes out a Breathalyzer for William to take. Which he does gladly. William blows a 0.0 which surprises the officer. So the officer hands William an orange jump suit a trash bag and a pole with which he can pick the garbage up with. William looks at orange jump suit and puts it in the bag

 

William

I am not wearing that and you cannot make me

 

Officer

Don’t make this more difficult than it already is

 

William whistles and a 20’s hot girl gets off the bus in daisy dukes and a bikini top. He hands her the bag and pole then proceeds to point at garbage around on the ground before walking to his bus and pulling out a lawn chair and sitting on it. The officer looks very irritated now and walks over to William

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Officer

What exactly do you think you are doing?

 

William opens his eyes and looks at the officer

 

William

What exactly does it look like I am doing? Getting some sun

 

The officer points at the girl picking up the garbage

 

Officer

Who is that?

 

William

My intern, her name is Carol and I am showing her the consequences of being a jerk

 

Officer

But you were convicted not her

William

That’s a formality, I am here am I not? There is no law stating I have to do any of this. It just says I have to be present.

 

Officer

You are circumventing the ruling

 

William thinks for a second

 

William

I guess I am

 

The officer snaps his fingers and points at the garbage

 

Officer

You are going to do it yourself and not get anyone to do it for you

 

William sighs and he stands up and heads into the bus and comes down with three bottles of water. The officer grabs one to make sure it’s water.

 

William

You could have asked, you can keep that one

 

William goes and starts picking up garbage with the rest of the people. As he is he begins to drink from the water bottles that he brought with him. Trevor a big black guy moves closer to William

 

Trevor

Why are you dressed like that?

 

William looks at himself

 

William

Like what?

 

Trevor

Like a King?

 

William

Because I am the rightful King of England

 

Trevor laughs

 

William

What’s so funny?

 

Trevor

King’s don’t do crime

 

William

Some do!

Trevor

Oh yeah? Like which ones?

 

William

Me for example, plus you have no idea why I am here. Maybe I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart

 

Trevor

Oh my bad

 

William

I could be, but I have no goodness in me. I am here for beating up some seven year old in a street hockey game

 

Trevor

That’s messed up

 

William

Don’t judge me, you are probably here because you don’t pay child support on your many kids that you aren’t there for

 

Trevor

That’s racist!

 

William

Hey now, that aint racist. I never said I thought that was wrong. I actually commend you for still plugging away on many sluts not caring about the consequences. If I had a kid I wouldn’t be there for them and I wouldn’t pay a penny. So high five bud

 

Trevor pushes William down on the ground

 

Trevor

I am here because I care about my community bro. I am here not because I have to but because I am a good person. Not like you.

 

The officer rushes over to break things up as William stands up and looks at Trevor

 

William

Good man? You pushed me for no good reason. You are a wee bit of an arsehole

 

(Later)

 

William is clearly not sober anymore the Officer once again heads to him

 

Officer

What is your problem?

 

William stumbles around

William

You are officer (pointing at a tree)

 

Officer

That’s a tree… Have you been drinking?

 

William

Yup!

 

Officer

Then I have to arrest you, you are under judges orders to not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol

 

William

Wrong! He said that when I show up I cannot be. I wasn’t but I am now

 

The officer sighs

 

Officer

You are doing it again

 

The officer announces the day is done and that everyone will receive eight hours against their community service. But then turns to William and points

 

Officer

But you (poking William in the chest) you are going to get half that because that stunt in the beginning where you almost hit me with that bus. Then that girl and now drinking. You are lucky I am giving four and not none

 

INT-BUS-DAY

William is passed out on the bus as Ahma stands there trying to wake him up

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Ahma

We have practice in twenty minutes

 

William mumbles into a pillow

 

Ahma

Get up! We need this practice

 

William mumbles into a pillow

 

Ahma

Oh you’re useless

 

Ahma goes to leave but William turns his head

 

William

Don’t be like that Amarillo Finnishman  

Ahma

Then get up

 

William

Why? We suck, what do we need to practice? How to suck even more? Plus I am your best player. I clearly do not need practice

 

Ahma

It’s Practice, we do it as a team so get up

 

William

Can I send my Intern?

 

Ahma

Is she on the team?

 

William thinks for a second

 

William

No, but she is on team William

 

Ahma

She can’t so get up and get to practice

 

William

But we talking about practice man, not the game but practice man. I don’t need to practice

 

Ahma sighs

 

Ahma

Don’t you dare quote Allen Iverson

 

INT-RINK-DAY

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William is skating around practice in his own world. Ahma is trying to conduct drills but William steals the puck off his own team mates and fires them into the crowd.

 

Ahma

Stop that!

 

William

What?

 

Ahma

Shooting the puck into the stands. That’s annoying, and plus we only have a limited amount. We can’t buy anymore. We used up our puck budget already

 

William looks around

 

 

William

But we have six

 

Ahma

Yeah and that’s enough, so stop fucking around

 

William shrugs

 

William

I’ll just get carol to get them

 

William goes back to fucking around at practice till the point Ahma sends Stabby to stop William. William thinks that Stabby wants to fight him so he throws his helmet, gloves and stick to the ground

 

William

You want to go? Okay let’s go

 

Stabby looks on confused

 

Stabby

No Ahma told me to talk to you

 

William takes a swing but misses because he is so drunk. He takes another and another. Stabby does not even have to move out of the way as the drunk out of his mind William takes a breath before a big wing that makes him fall face first onto the ice. William laughs as he lays there.

 

William

Why is ice so cold? Why can’t it be warm?

 

William licks the ice causing his tongue to freeze to it. The episode ends as William screams for help.

 

Edited by KingRobbie
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Grader Review:

" but we're talking about practice man, we're not even talking about the game... the actual game, when it matters... We're talking about practice …"

Gotta get the Iverson quote right :P. Otherwise, this was another entertaining read that easily met the word count. 

 

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