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Life in Times will take a different way of presenting its weekly episode. Fans tonight will be treated to a real treat. Welcome to Life In Times Valentines edition. The second worst day of the year right after tax day. Unless you are gay or a woman. Then you love this day.

 

EXT-SOUTH AFRICA-DAY

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We start with shots of a male lion and female lion walking side by side

 

Narrator

We see the king of the animal kingdom taking a walk with his bitch as his side. Even in the animal kingdom the female of the pride nags the male to take them out on this day. Even if they do live outdoors. The male lion looks at his bitch and wonders when he can go back to eating the antelope that he just killed.

 

We cut back to the lion taking down the antelope and showing off to his bitch that he is a powerful big man. The female rolls her eyes and walks away with their child in their mouth so it does not see its father be “stupid”

 

EXT-AUSTRALIA-DAY

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A male kangaroo is boxing with another kangaroo as the little roo watches his dad. The mother kangaroo and smacks the male kangaroo in the head before picking up the roo and putting him in her pouch.

 

Narrator

Women want equal rights and that’s fair they deserve it but for it to be equal they have to treat us the same way that they expect us to treat them. But it will never be the same. The Women species is always looking to ruin our fun. The Poor kangaroo just wanted to kick stupid kangaroo’s ass but the women smacked him in front of their kid to show their kid that his father is an idiot.

 

INT-LAS VEGAS VILLA-DAY

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Ahma sits on a couch in a Las Vegas Villa looking at a photo of his girlfriend back at him in Finland. The sounds of sex fill the villa. Ahma puts earplug into his ears to drown out the sex.

 

Narrator

Now we see the human male that is already taken, but he does not celebrate being away from the moody bloody female. He misses her as the other alpha males are having fun and are “crushing” females.

 

After a while Sir William Covington comes out of his room in a silk robe. He is shoving a random out the front door of the villa before he walks to the kitchen in the villa to look for food. He looks into the fridge to see nothing. He slams the door and looks over at Ahma

 

Narrator

Now we see the true alpha of the alphas, the so called man’s man. This is the man that everyone wants to be. He does not think with his heart he thinks with his dick. Like every man should. After totally destroying that female’s holes he kicked her to the curb and now is hungry. But the Beta male has forgotten to stock the fridge with so called after fuck food.

 

William walks over to Ahma and snatches the picture out of hands and looks at It

William

Who’s this whore? She looks loose at fuck but still a good lay. She sure looks like she can take a pounding

 

Ahma

That’s my fiancée

 

William laughs

 

William

Fiancee? And you are here on Valentines day? Boy will she ever be mad at you… But! Look at the bright side

 

Ahma reaches for the picture which William does not allow Ahma to take from him.

 

Ahma

Which is?

 

William

Um… that you can crush pussy with me and Putin

 

Ahma looks towards a close bedroom door

 

Ahma

Well isn’t he married?

 

William

This is Vegas whatever happens here stays here

 

Ahma

Well I’m not like that. I am loyal to the end just like I am in Hockey

 

William laughs

 

William

No wonder you suck

 

Narrator

The alpha male will always take any opportunity to point out that they are the alpha. The Beta does not have anything they can do about it. Unless there is a second Alpha. If that is the situation you find yourself in then you should either run for the hills or grab some popcorn and enjoy the show.

 

Putin walks out of the room with two models on other either side of him. He smacks their ass and says “out” they listen and leave. He looks at Ahma then at William. He now grabs the picture from William and looks at it

 

Putin

Who’s this cock sucking whore?

 

Ahma gets upset and stands up to get in Putins face

 

Ahma

That’s my fiancée so give me the picture back

 

Putin gives the picture a closer look

 

Putin

She look familiar

 

Ahma

What?

 

A smile comes across the face of Putin

 

Putin

Yeah it’s Pilllu… god she gave amazing head and that hole of hers is toight. But to be nice to little Ahma we should call her Pimppi

 

William laughs

 

William

Hahahaha so she’s a pimp? A woman pimp? Wow they really taking this equality right to everywhere

 

Putin

Pillu is finnish for Cunt and Pimppi is pussy

 

William and Putin high five

 

Ahma

SHUT UP! I HAD ENOUGH! Give me back the picture. You guys are my bro’s but you take this shit to new levels.

 

Putin looks at the picture and grabs his crotch

 

Putin

He remembers her also

 

Putin shrugs and tosses the picture across the room shattering the frame into pieces.

 

Putin

Fetch bitch!

 

Narrator

In a two alpha male situation you the beta will always be picked on till you cannot take it anymore. But there is always a silver lining to everything. Sometimes you have more than them even if you cannot see it. There are theories out there that alpha males like these two only are the way they are because they are compensating for not having a good woman to love them. Putin is married yes, but let’s be honest he is not faithful and William is way too conceded to even date. Ahma on the other hand is engaged. Too a whore maybe but still is engaged to some that he loves. Does she love him? Who knows but we all know something she does love and that is the dick.

 

EXT-SOUTH AFRICA-DAY

We see the lion eating the antelope as the other lions watch while they lick their mouths.

 

Narrator

Back with the lions we now see the male lion tearing into the antelope that it took down earlier in the day. The female looks on as the male does not share with anyone else. But the naturally big heart of the lion grows one extra size today because today is the day of love or as the easily forfeiting French would say jour de l’amour. So he decides to share his kill with his bitch in hopes he will get it in tonight and not have her try and say no. Like that even works.

 

EXT-AUSTRALIA-DAY

The male kangaroo is hopping along looking for something.

 

Narrator

The male kangaroo may not think he did something wrong but the female makes it seem like it so now the male has to make it up to his bitch or he won’t be getting any that night.

 

INT-LAS VEGAS VILLA-DAY

Ahma picks the picture off the ground and returns to William and Putin

 

Ahma

Look what you did to Elinor, you dirtied her up

 

William

Elinor? What kind of old age name is that? Is she Elinor the time traveling whore?

 

Putin

Ah yes Ellie. God she was a good filthy whore. Trust me she’s way more dirty then the floor is in this villa.

 

Ahma

THAT’S IT! I’m leaving. If I leave now I may be able to get back to her by tomorrow and make it up to her that I was with you two today instead of her.

 

Ahma begins to pack his bags as Putin and William laugh

 

Putin

Ain’t that cute? He thinks he is leaving

 

William pats Ahma on the head like he is a little kid

 

William

I like when he gets mad, it’s funny

 

Putin

I think someone needs Porridge

 

Ahma glares at Putin

 

Ahma

Don’t you dare bring my second love into this

 

Putin

What? I think you would calm down over a bowl of porridge

 

Ahma

I will not! This time you two fucks went over the edge

 

Putin

We go over it every day, what’s so different today?

 

Ahma looks around the villa

 

Ahma

First off you guys got the two bedroom villa over the three bedroom villa for some stupid reason. It’s complementary you know? That means it’s free! I would like to sleep on a bed and not a couch that had god knows how many naked asses on it. Secondly…

 

William

Ain’t that cute he made a list

 

Ahma

WILL YOU LET ME FINISH?

 

William

Sure

 

Ahma

Secondly! I miss my beautiful non dirty whore

 

Putin whispers at William

 

Putin

But she is one

 

Ahma

I heard that!... but as I was saying. She is not a dirty whore. I miss her with all my heart. She is my world. On this day on this one day I hoping the future of the Davos franchise would put on his big boy pants so he wouldn’t do anything stupid or moronic so I could go home and see her. But no! I have to baby sit you so the pick we used on you will not go to waste.

 

William

But I am wasted

 

Ahma

Shut up! Thirdly and lastly….

 

William

Is thirdly even a word?

 

Ahma glares at William

 

Ahma

You two mock me at every turn and I do mean every turn. No matter how little it is. You think it’s funny and usually I am too drugged and drunk out of my mind to even care but today on this day where I miss my girl so much I am sober! Sober like a fucking judge

 

William

Then you haven’t met the judges I know

 

Putin laughs

 

Putin

I just realized he said asses

 

William grabs a bottle of finnish vodka

 

William

Quick hold him down he needs to get drunk

 

Ahma begins to slam clothes from the ground into his suitcase

 

Ahma

Vittu Tata Paskaa

 

Putin

He’s going all finnish on us

 

William

Okay now we know he is serious

 

Ahma points at Putin

 

Ahma

You are the Piru

 

He now points at William

 

Ahma

And you are Saatana

 

Putin

Now you are splitting hairs

 

Ahma zips up his luggage

 

Ahma

And I’m gone

 

William

No you are still standing right here

 

Ahma

And you guys just can’t stop. Can’t you two just see I miss my fiancée and try to make me happy and not make me mad?

 

Putin

I still think porridge will help defuse the situation

 

William

Like it did The Whorridge Party of 2015

 

Ahma

Don’t you dare even bring that up

 

Ahma has a flashback of everyone covered in porridge

 

Ahma

The horror! Oh god the horror! So much wasted porridge

 

Putin

We had a crab’s scare we had to act fast. They apparently don’t like porridge

 

Ahma

That’s false! You just got so drunk and high that you morons went swimming in porridge

 

Putin looks at William

 

Putin

Time for another Whorridge party?

 

Ahma drops his bags and rushes to the kitchen to grab boxes of porridge

 

Ahma

No you will not! It’s not their fault that you two are rich ass clowns that use it for other than eating

 

Ahma holds the boxes tight

 

 

Ahma

I will stay for them so you two don’t use them for stupid reasons

 

Putin

We knew you would stay

 

Ahma glares at Putin

 

Ahma

Shut up

 

EXT-SOUTH AFRICA-DAY

The female lion gets up after eating and nudges the male who is trying to lick blood off his fur coat.

 

Narrator

The female lion now knows what she has to do because male did his job and provided for his family and pride. So now it’s time for her to do her job and please her man.

 

The male lion roars at his bitch but then gets up and follows her into the cave as the sun sets on South Africa

 

EXT-AUSTRALIA-DAY

A male kangaroo hops back to the female kangaroo with flowers in hand and hanging his head. She looks at the flowers then at her man. She kangaroo kicks him to the ground and gets on top

 

Narrator

Lesson learned, no matter human or animal all females can melt at the sight of flowers. If you want a little something on this day of love then buy some stupid flowers or at least go few houses down the road like I did and rip the flowers out of the garden. Because I learned last year a woman knows the flowers of her own garden. Don’t shit where you eat boys, don’t do it!

 

INT-LAS VEGAS VILLA-NIGHT

Putin and William are trying to make up for fucking around earlier so they are making Ahma porridge in the kitchen. William takes a big drink from a bottle of Finnish Vodka. Then pours the rest into the porridge

 

William

Needs more kick

 

Putin

Agreed, it’s too light for Mr. Downer

 

Ahma walks out of the washroom in a robe he walks to the kitchen excited because he smells porridge

 

Ahma

Please don’t tell me Whorridge is tonight

 

 

William

Nah scheduling it for next weekend. Tonight I have a surprise for the both of you

 

Ahma looks concerned

 

Ahma

Oh god what is it?

 

William takes out a key card from his suit jacket and hands it to Ahma

 

William

There is a certain someone that may or may not have three holes in a villa that has three bedrooms that we will move into tomorrow.

 

Ahma

I am not fucking a hooker

 

Putin

You already do

 

Ahma

Shut it

 

William

No not a hooker. I knew you missed that dirty slut so I flew her in.

 

William looks at his Rolex watch

 

William

She probably is in there right now and probably prepping for a nice slow fuck or however you two fuck

 

Ahma

Ahmastyle

 

William

What?

 

Ahma

Nothing…

 

Ahma leaves as he grabs a bowl of Vodka and Porridge

 

Ahma

This tastes different

 

The door closes. William turns to Putin

 

 

Putin

What will we do? The kid is out we have the fuck palace too ourselves

 

A knock on the door can be heard.

 

William

I was going to invite your wife here for you…

 

Putin

Why would you do that?

 

William

But then I remembered you would hate that. So I got you four hookers for the next twenty four hours.

 

Putin hugs William then answers the door. As Putin disappears into his room William leaves the villa. In the elevator there is a moment where maybe just maybe William looks sad that he is alone but his phone rings and he answers.

 

William

Hey! The kids are taken care of. I’m on my way.

tumblr_n0ytc9tOUs1r4teu1o1_500.png 

Narrator

Moral of the story is even the biggest dicks have someone that they go home too. Be it a lion that does not share, a kangaroo that likes to fight, a Finnish moron that dates an ex hooker, A President that much rather have four hookers or the rightful King that reserves his so called mythical heart for a true gem. So pretend to care on this day and get it in boys! That is the true meaning of this day for us men.

 

The episode ends with a Montague of Ahma seeing Elinor in bed in lingerie, Putin having fun with the hookers, the bedroom closing on the camera as Ahma walks towards Elinor and William walking up to a door that says “Penthouse”. The episode fades to black as he opens the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by KingRobbie
  • 3 weeks later...
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