Osborne Cleans Up at Award Ceremony

[STZ 5,360]

 

Seattle, Washington.

 

After a night of shock at the VHL Awards, everyone has left to go back to the pre-season training camps. Some players, such as Connor Low, are going back with a lot more hardware. Ethan Osborne picked up League MVP and Most Outstanding Player, however many expect this to be his final season with the Seattle Bears.

 

In the off-season, Osborne blew $25 Million Dollars on an intense workout that would hope to cure the "Age-Virus" that has crippled so many before him. It is rumored that this virus swells up your ankles so you can't put on skates, and locks your shoulders so you can't move your arms. Many doctors have attributed this to the VHL's rigorous schedule of having roughly 6 seasons in one year - that's 432 games a year, not including playoff games.

 

So while Osborne may have purchased one more year of functionality from the "Age-Virus" which is sometimes referred to as Depreciation, it seems it has put Osborne into a financial tail-spin. Osborne was questioned why he stuck around the Award Ceremony afterward, as many believed it was for sentimental reasons, "I need all the money I can get. I skipped college in order to pursue my dream to be a VHL superstar. I think my Dad's Janitorial Company is hiring in the summer!"

[Victor 10,940]

I was hoping it would be about literal cleaning up. Wasn't disappointed.

Also, that's a very good theory.

[Devise 4,475]

The case of STZ and the HoF is all but sealed now I think.

 

[BOOM 8,745]

Wasn't really a doubt.