"I'll Bathe You Myself if I Have To": Houston GM Makes Buefordsson Spend $32,000 on Air Fresheners After He is Found to be Responsible for 95% of all Body Odor in Team's Practice Facility

[Gustav 6,406]

HOUSTON--We have a problem. Or at least Beau Buefordsson does. 

The city of Houston pulled countless strings to bring out the best for the Bulls, one of the VHLM's two new expansion teams. Just short of $700 million was spent on a state-of-the-art arena, connected to a multipurpose facility housing everything from a shopping mall to the Bulls' practice rinks. 

And yet, just a few days after the ribbon was cut on the practice facility and team activities began, the doors were closed, citizens hoping to catch a glimpse of the Bulls' practice were turned away, and there was ribbon up again, this time of the yellow "DO NOT CROSS" variety. And after a day and a half of speculation, the answer has finally been released to the media. 

"When Buefordsson walked into the room," said a member of the team who did not wish for his name to be printed, "I almost threw up." Furthermore, according to this player, "[w]e couldn't even get the smell out after he left. We've just hired a private contractor to replace all the carpeting in the locker room and we also plan on getting the entire thing fumigated. I don't even know how something like this is humanly possible." 

For Buefordsson, as well, things got ugly. "[Houston GM] Alexander [Pepper] chased him out of the building with a sponge and a gallon of bleach. I don't know what happened after that and I'm not sure I want to," said the player. 

Buefordsson has reportedly been ordered to pay for the professional deodorizing of the facility, as well as for an entire year's supply of air fresheners and cleaning equipment. When contacted by the media, both Pepper and Buefordsson declined to comment.

 

[Beaviss 4,957]

You get a like just for that insane title

[.sniffuM 1,741]

That feel when your title is long enough to be a fan590 on its own