Kefka builds home near Saskatoon's arena

[diamond_ace 3,112]

Kefka Palazzo, the mad clown, the king of destruction and the evil mastermind behind the World of Ruin, is finally starting to get accustomed to this whole "hockey" thing - so much so that he's decided to build himself a home near Saskatoon's arena. So near, in fact, that it's in the eastern parking lot, the one typically reserved for the season ticket holders with box seats, the lot with the underground parking garage built in that leads directly to some of the reserved access corridors of the stadium. The fancy lot with the heated sidewalks and the food truck lot on the bottom floor where the other lots have a small and sparse array of vending machines.

 

While other players usually see fit to buy a local house if they think this is a long term location for them or somewhere they'd go back to after their careers are complete, or sometimes just rent a nice upscale apartment in the cultural district on rotating 6 month leases for flexibility in case of trade or free agency, Kefka has shown his complete insanity once again by building his own home, from scratch, inside of a parking garage. He's not even much of a builder either, since he had to "borrow" stadium maintenance and force them to help him with the build, compensating them with signed memorabilia, most of which was signed by far better players than him, and promising not to kill them if they helped him out (a promise that most were expecting him not to keep, although to this point he has not killed any of the maintenance workers).

 

So what does this place look like, exactly? Well, anyone familiar with Kefka's tower that he last called home on his previous world will immediately recognize the concept. When Kefka was in Vegas, he took the couch, bed, and television from a hotel room at the Bellagio and dropped them down to ground level outside the hotel via a system of ropes and pulleys. He stole an entire sandwich vendor from the Reading Terminal Market near Philadelphia after Saskatoon's last match at the Reapers. He "borrowed" the entire San Diego Zoo, dug a tunnel under his designated area, and built an entirely new floor to the parking garage under what was until recently the bottom floor, rehoming the zoo in the extra space (with a setup in the corner for poker and blackjack, this time not stolen from the Bellagio, but rather from Binion's, including the original table from the first World Series of Poker). He set up a perimeter area around the home with desks swiped from the immigration office in Halifax, the original location of the 21st pier. He built a replica spaceship designed based on one that was launched from Houston, as well as a drink dispenser that served the bitter chocolate beverage first popularized by the Aztecs on his trip to Mexico City. He planted a cherry blossom tree grown from a sapling at Kariya Park in Mississauga, stuck the gavel from Ottawa's Canadian federal government's sessions out the top of the roof, and reinforced the whole thing with a moat built from Minnesota lake water. Buried in the moat are several flecks of gold such as those found in the Yukon gold rush. It was a monument to chaos and nonsense, built right out of the scraps of his travels to all other VHLM locations, yet technically it was livable (it helped that the maintenance guys helped hook him into the power and water supply of the arena).

[Peace 1,562]

As the GM of Saskatoon’s hockey club, we are urging season ticket holders to park in the newly constructed reserved parking space adjecent to the underground parking. We’ve released a statement that the space is now unavailable and we’re in the process of replacing some of the stolen equipment... except anything Philadelphia or Ottawa. We expect Kefka to steal the parliament building during our next game in Ottawa some how, and have instructed the defender that the lost souls of the Reapers are worthless so just take their dignity instead.