sterling 1,990 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Conner Really Blows Hello everyone, I have something I really need to get off my chest as of late. A teammate of mine has been getting undue praise and attention for his crap play while the real players on the Americans sit back making up for his suck. This is Rock Bottom reporting on the true Conner Low. New York Americans star sophomore defenceman Conner Low has emerged as one of the elite defenders in the Victory Hockey League in two short seasons. Many good defenders around him remain jealous of how this young, seemingly talentless plug has been able to become good. He's been good on a below average New York Americans roster over the past two seasons which astounds many around the league. Despite the fact that New York General Manager Chris Miller loves to forecast Low as the next Braxton Labatte, the general population of the VHL community is smarter than that. We see through Low's luck and Miller's false bravado Conner Low spells his name like an idiot first of all. Who the hell spells Conner with an 'e' anyway? Damn that's stupid. Second of all, although Low has led all defensemen over the past two years in scoring, he isn't even really that good. For instance, it's not that difficult to lead the league in assists, someone does it every season and sometimes even other defensemen manage the feat. I'm personally not even impressed that Low recorded a league-leading 79 assists this year. Look at his linemates afterall: Tordahl, Slaughter and Xiao. If you compare his direct competition's linemates over the year: Kameron Taylor, David Collier and Mikey Blade, you can clearly see how Low's teammates carried his ass through yet another season. What's that you say? Low didn't have any linemates last year and still led all defensemen in scoring? Well that was obviously a bloody fluke! Conner only had a measely .95 points a minute to barely make it into the league leaders. I am not impressed. Moreover, Low only had 27 goals on the campaign, which only put him two ahead of Spud for the league lead in goals scored by defenseman. That's barely even enough to be considered the league leader. So you can see the evidence is mounting to uncover Low as the fraud he really is, but wait, I have more! Conner, the filthy scoundrel logged close to the league lead in penalty minutes this season with over 200. He almost always put his team in a disadvantage every single period with his piss poor penalties and general lack of regard for common decency. Moreover, the scrub played more minutes than most any other player in the league still despite all of his penalty trouble. Obviously Low was as selfish on the ice as he was off it. The guy played a tonne of minutes and yet he barely recorded enough stats to make me impressed. Moreover, Low was only +8 ahead of Malcolm Spud in plus/minus this season. That's pretty embarassing to be honest. He also only recorded about 300 hits this season. He didn't even block enough shots to be in the top 5 in the league either. What stats did Conner Blow even have that would set him apart from the rest of the field? Obviously this guy is seriously overrated and obviously too many people like Chris Miller toot this guy's horn. I for one am sickened and appalled with people even mentioning the name Conner Low next to the greats like Braxton and Labatte. I've had enough of everyone talking about Conner Low all the time, Spud for Labatte obviously based on principle alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike 708 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Ain't it the truth brutha! Truer words about this guy have never been spoken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherifflobo 137 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Low blow man. Victor 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,681 Posted April 24, 2014 Admin Share Posted April 24, 2014 "it's not that difficult to lead the league in assists, someone does it every season" That is possibly the best stats argument I've ever seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Head Moderator Baozi 1,638 Posted April 24, 2014 Head Moderator Share Posted April 24, 2014 Mind is blown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Svoboda_3 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Content: 3/3 610. Sarcasm oozes from this Media Spot. It's clear that Low is a good defenseman, but I think the issue with some is that is it needed for a hero to come in and pump his tires. His stats and accomplishments speak for themselves. Conner Low aside, the Media Spot was funny and ripped Smarch pretty good in some areas.Grammar: 2/2 Good. measely =measley defenseman = defensemen embarassing = embarrassingAppearance: 1/1 Nothing wrong here.Overall: 6/6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kesler 1,514 Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Claimed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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