gorlab 4,321 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Jody 3 Moons is the Travis Tritt of the hockey world. His style, impeccable. His hair, unfuckwitable, and his hockey skill, insanity. The man known as 3 Moons is the furthest descendant of a royal Ukrainian bloodline. His ancestors were practitioners of blood magic and gypsy voodoo who, before the time of Jesus, harnessed an ancient black magic and used it to greatly enhance the fertility of their blood line. After thousands of years of prosperity, this ancient bloodline has dwindled down to almost nothing. After the death of his younger brother, Jody 3 Moons is now unknowingly the last remaining link to this powerful blood line. A depiction of the original 3 Moons bloodline Although it's been thousands of years since his blood was first enchanted by the black magic, the power is still as strong as it was in each and every one of his ancestors. Ranging from kings to conquerors to artists to sportsmen, the 3 Moons bloodline is truly remarkable and Jody is no different. Someone who's style is so magnificent can only be described as great. Jody's calling, however, was not conquest or artistry, it was hockey. When he was 2 years old, a young Jody saved a single mother who was being accosted by a mugger on a cold winter night. The mugger wielded two butcher knives but two-year-old Jody apprehended him with ease. After dispatching of this violent criminal, Jody realized the mugger's blades could be affixed to the bottom of his shoes to allow him to glide across any icy surface with ease. On that day a hockey legend was forged and Jody had found his life's passion. By the age of 16, Jody was already a multiple MVP-winner of the Ukraine's professional hockey league and he had already inseminated well over 2,000 women across Ukraine. It was time for Jody to take his hockey skills and super-human sperm to another continent. Jody spent 7 days at the summit of a Ukrainian mountain with only 14 grams of psychedelic mushrooms, a wine skin filled with monkey's blood, and a goat who acted as his guide. When he re-appeared on the 8th day, he was completely convinced that his destiny was in North America atop the hockey world. So he departed his homeland of Ukraine, and like his ancestors before him, started his conquest. Once landing in North America, 3 Moons tried out for a junior club in Manitoba and made the team. From there, his name spread like wildfire throughout the North American hockey scouting scene. His major strengths were everything. His power was akin to an African crocodile, his speed like a gazelle sprinting across the plains. His hands were nothing short of breath-taking and he could diddle about 10 girls in 23 second, a Manitoba Junior League record. 3 Moons was undoubtedly the total package. His junior career was filled with awards, trophies, and records. The most important of which, was the 1300 girls he inseminated within his first season in North America. A small sample of Jody's handiwork There is no down-side to 3 Moon's game. He is the descendant of a thousand-year-old black magic blood line. Do you really think he would have any negative aspects? He has over 2,000 children at the age of 16 for fuck sakes. Jody 3 Moons is gorgeous. A woman has never rejected him and he's capable of withstanding 10x the damage of a normal human being. Jody was ran down by an 18-wheeler when he was 5 years old, but was completely unaffected. He ran a half-marathon the next day, and probably got at least 1 girl pregnant. He never has used a condom but his monthly STD testing always comes back clean. He's been in a dirty hole or two, that much can be guaranteed. Undoubtedly, if he has one flaw, it's his uncanny ability to get women pregnant. Jody himself does not need the presence of a woman in his life, but it's thought that the power within his enchanted blood forces him into reproducing and continuing the blood line as often as possible. Another potential negative to 3 Moon's game is his stunning good looks. There have been several documented cases of his teammates becoming homosexual and leaving their wives after witnessing 3 Moons in the locker room. Finally, he's a bit of a pussy and will not resort to fisticuffs under any circumstances, despite being 10x stronger than an average human. Jody just gets down like that. The character of Gunnar Stahl from the motion picture D2: The Mighty Ducks is loosely based on Jody 3 Moons Jody has the raw talent and athleticism to play any position on the ice, including goalie, head coach, and general manager. He played a game of craps in Dubai with 7 billionaires to determine what position he would play throughout his career and it ended up being center. 3 Moons does not lose face-offs. Ever. Jody 3 Moons will be taking the VHL by storm. He is already widely-considered the best player, nay, human, on the face of the earth, and plans to stamp this claim with a seal of 3 Moons authenticity in the upcoming VHL season. At the time of writing this Biography, Jody 3 Moons is the confirmed father of over 2700 children, and is suspected to be the father of at least 3000 others. He has never paid a single dollar of child support. ======================================================================= The man himself - Jody 3 Moons aka Mr. I F*ck N*ggas Up For That Edited June 19, 2014 by gorlab NotAVHLM-GM 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVHLM-GM 1,858 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Donated lots? Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85181 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molholt 2,185 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Wtf Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85188 Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVHLM-GM 1,858 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Wtf This my friend, is Gorlab. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85190 Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorlab 4,321 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Wtf Just gimme my money and we can all keep it moving. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85193 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molholt 2,185 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Travis Tritt is the strangest most obscure reference for a hockey league ha Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85199 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Admin Will 4,660 Posted June 19, 2014 Senior Admin Share Posted June 19, 2014 This looks like a very.....................interesting bio may want to add some pics or something to spice it up a bit though Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85204 Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorlab 4,321 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 It has the spice of life. That's all you need in this cruel workaday world. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85242 Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVHLM-GM 1,858 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 It could only benefit the tpe you get out of it Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-85244 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Svoboda_3 Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Overview- 2/3 924 words. The creativity in your writing was through the roof, but the rest was so silly. How does a 5-year old impregnate someone? How does a 2-year old apprehend a grown male? While I thought the writing was strong on a structure sense, the story was just so out of left field.Grammar- 2/2 The strength of this biography His style, impeccable = His style is impeccable. who's = whose magnificent can only = magnificent, that it can only of the Ukraine's = of Ukraine's second = seconds ran = run Presentation- 1/1 I think it gets the grade here.Pros- .25/2 There were very subtle splashes of information on the pros of 3 Moons, but according to the rubric, not nearly sufficient enough really.Cons- .25/2 Basically echoing the sentiments of the pros.Overall- 5.5/10 *Needs one more grade* Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-87769 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Admin Will 4,660 Posted June 30, 2014 Senior Admin Share Posted June 30, 2014 Overview- 2.5/3 Yeah this was definitely one of the more "interesting" bios that I have graded. Definitely the strangest. The story line kind of threw me off guard because it was so far fetched, but it was definitely very creative and good on you for that. The main issue here is, going by the rubric, "Try not to bog it down with an outrageous plot." However, you technically did give a good coverage of 3 Moons childhood and upbringing, so I'm only going to dock .5 for the outrageous plot. Grammar- 2/2 He got them all. Good job here, impressed. Presentation- 1/1 Glad you took my advice and added some pictures. Pros- .25/2 Not much to say here. As per the rubric, there needs to be at least 3 clearly defined pros that total around 200 words.Cons- .25/2 Same as above.Overall- 6/10 FINAL: 6/10 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-87889 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Claimed Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/9279-claimedjody-3-moons-aka-hockeys-travis-tritt/#findComment-90857 Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.ed69a7260a477fcf4feead7a0e4b7506.png)
Recommended Posts