Ramicus

Who IS The General?
 
Who is George “The General” Patton? Well, that question is what we are here to answer
 
George Patton was born in Germany twenty two years ago, according to official league statistics. He certainly looks a lot older, closer to the age of his namesake, the four star general known as “Bandito,” “Old Blood and Guts,” and “The Old Man.” General George S. Patton was born on what would later be known as Armistice Day (and later Veteran’s Day in the United States) in 1885, which means that he would make him one hundred twenty nine years old this year. That seems more than a little bit too old for professional hockey, whereas twenty two makes just a little bit more sense.
 
I decided to ask The General about life, hockey, the universe, and everything.
Benjamin Davis Wilson: Tell me a bit about growing up in Germany with a name such as yours.
George Patton: I’m not sure what you mean, I grew up in Californi—Oh, that’s right. Yes, Germany. I grew up in a town called Heidelberg, which is on a river called the Neckar. It is the fifth largest city in Baden-Württemberg, which is a state in the southwest of the nation of Germany. I believe it borders on France, but I’m not quite sure of that.
Benjamin Davis Wilson: You’re coming into the Victory Hockey League system relatively late, and as a completely unknown talent. I had truly never heard of you.
George Patton: What are you talking about? I won twenty two awards for my service in the Mexican Revolution, World War I, and World War II. I fought at the Battle of the Bulge and invaded Sicily. I assisted John Pershing in the invasion of Mexico to fight Pancho Villa. You’re calling me unknown?
Benjamin Davis Wilson: With all due respect, Mr. Patton, you were born in the nineteen nineties. World War II ended in nineteen forty five, and the other campaigns you mentioned were even before that. How do you explain that?
George Patton: Oh, right. Um, I’m not going to comment.
Benjamin Davis Wilson: Alright. What sort of hockey do you see yourself playing when you hit the ice with your new team?
George Patton: I like to fight, and that’s my plan. I’ve been beating people up my whole life, I see no reason to stop now that I can be put in a penalty box for doing it.
Benjamin Davis Wilson: Alright, Mr. Patton. Thank you for spending some time with me.
George Patton: No problem. Which way is the exit?
 
Well, there you have it. A young man who spends his time confused about who he really is. I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of the addled young man as he bides his time in the Yukon locker room, waiting for his chance to be drafted and start his career in earnest.
 

No way this guy is twenty two, right?

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Yukon claims General George Patton

Glorious statement.