Spangle

Please be sarcastic.

NORTH AMERICAN ANALYSIS: OTTAWA LYNX by Thor Ludvigsen, VHL.com In the previous edition of this weekly article, we focused on the Minot Gladiators. Having seen them play and read about who they have on their roster, I think we can all agree that the Gladiators are horrendous. Sporting little in the way of talent, Minot seems to purposely seek terrible players. I am sure General Manager Zack Gagnon tries his best, but clearly, his best is just not enough at this point in time. No offense intended, obviously. Luckily, however, this week we turn our attentions to the Ottawa Lynx. The most hyped up team heading into the season, General Manager Jim Gow's Ottawa squad has been disappointing thus far, though they seem to be turning it around as of late, rattling off six straight wins. In spite of their troubles, they clearly do not lack talent and the losses early on can likely be attributed to two things: chemistry and goalie play. At 20-5-2, the Lynx sit in third place in the North American Conference, eight points out of first place. Now, why not take a look at their lineup? Forwards In a word, Ottawa is "loaded" on offense. Sporting a stunning six players with 100 practice hours to their name, the Lynx have what is undeniably the most talented forwards on paper. Out of their forwards, the two best players are certainly center Thomas O'Malley and winger Andrew Erikson. O'Malley, born in Boston, currently leads the team in points with 69. Of those 69 points, 34 of them are goals, meaning the other 35 are from assists. This impressive split is a definite representation of O'Malley's offensive awareness and skill. He knows when to shoot and he knows when to pass and whichever option he chooses seems to always be a resounding success. Lining up next to O'Malley is Andrew Erikson, born in Denmark. A strong passer and puck handler, Eriksen is hot on O'Malley's tail for the team lead in points with 65, of which 43 are assists. The most amazing part of this duo is that both O'Malley and Eriksen line up on Ottawa's second line, so their point production is more indicative of their fantastic chemistry with one another, rather than the amount of time they spend on the ice. O'Malley is a Season 40 draft prospect, while Eriksen was selected by the Helsinki Titans in the recent Season 39 VHL Entry Draft. Alongside these two on the second line is Aelred Leskowsky. A career minor leaguer, Leskowsky is a strong skater and has a true scorer's touch, though he does not have a great work ethic, thus he is far less talented than many of his Ottawa teammates. In spite of that, he still has an impressive 37 points on the year. While the second line is certainly impressive, the first line of the Lynx is no slouch either. Led by American winger James Faraday, the first line's production is less than the second line and has taken a bit to click, but their talent is undeniable. With 47 points on the year, Faraday leads the line in points and is also one of the most developed players in the VHLM with 202 practice hours to his name. An incredibly gifted scorer, Faraday has 20 goals on the year. Lining up alongside Faraday is Danish center Aksel Thomassen. With 37 points on the year, Thomassen has been impressive this season, after struggling to create chemistry with Faraday early on in the year. A strong skater and face-off taker, Thomassen makes for an ideal linemate to Faraday, as well as winger Leo Tesla, who is the final member of the first line. Born in Finland, Tesla is a good handler of the puck and also has a fantastic wrist shot, though his low goal count of 13 this season is indicative of him playing tentatively this season. Even when he gets a good shot opportunity, Tesla seems to defer to Faraday and has lacked the confidence to be a true goal scoring threat for Ottawa thus far. On the year, Tesla has a disappointing 27 points, though he certainly has room to grow. Defense After a stunningly impressive forward crew, any defense trotted out by Ottawa will be a let down in terms of talent. However, in spite of that, their defensive unit has to be one of the best in the league. Led by Season 40 prospect Jerrick Poole, the Lynx defense does not have a ton of players, but the talent of the first two makes up for that lack of depth. This season, Poole has 35 points, a +17 +/-, 31 hits, and 54 blocked shots. Overall, these stats are not amazing, but are certainly impressive for a player as young as Poole. Next to Poole is veteran Jack Ryan. Known for his appearances in many films, such as The Hunt for Red October, The Sum of All Fears, and the recent Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Ryan also moonlights as a VHL hockey player. As it happens, the action movie star is not a bad hockey player and certainly plays a key role for Ottawa, given their lack of defensive depth. With 26 points, a +21, 84 hits, and 38 blocked shots, to his name this season, Ryan is clearly not afraid to get physical and brings a certain toughness that really completes this Lynx squad nicely. Ottawa has two other defensemen, Mike Jones and LaMichael Charmander, but neither play huge roles, nor do they have any practice hours. As a result, they are on the roster solely to allow Poole and Ryan to rest from time to time. Goalie In net, Ottawa has Soren Douffet. Born in Belgium, expectations were low for Douffet entering the season, but he has still found a way to not live up to them. Blessed with a great defense and killer offense, Douffet's errors in goal are typically offset, but can still come back to haunt Ottawa down the line, especially if he screws up in a crucial game. One of the worst goalies in the VHLM, Douffet has 48 practice hours to his name and is able to control most rebounds, but beyond that, he contributes very little, if anything. His win-loss record, great goals against average, and low goals allowed, stats are a clear representation of the talented players in front of him, rather than any talent he himself may possess. The best assessment of his actual skill is his save percentage, which currently sits at 85.9%, the second worst in the league. If you manage to get a shot on goal against this young European, you have a strong chance of having it slip past him and hit the back of the net. If he continues to struggle, look for Ottawa to try to find a replacement for him. Douffet is a good prospect for the future, but as of now, he is a major weakness on what is a fantastic squad. Overall Contrary to Minot last week, Ottawa has many huge strengths. They have a fantastic offensive attack, great offensive depth, and great defenders. They do lack depth on defense and a good goalie, but as long as their offense is clicking and their top defenders do their job, those weaknesses can be hidden or entirely offset. However, they will undeniably hold back this squad from winning the Founders Cup. If Ottawa wants to lift the trophy at the end of the year, they need Douffet to pick up his game a bit and to find at least one additional defender who can play good minutes and let Poole and Ryan rest easy. 1,281 words

For sure. I've seen a few of those (Cuckoo's Nest, Psycho, and 2001) and all of them certainly feel old, but in particular, Psycho really holds up. When it comes to 2001, I actually liked it, but the coolest part for me has been watching sci-fi films since then and being like "(that was in 2001, that was in 2001, that was in 2001." I still want to watch some of old silent films, like Charlie Chaplin stuff and Metropolis, but just have to convince myself that I truly want to. I think they'd be interesting from a film history aspect, but I need to be in the right mood for that.

I just began watching a lot of movies last year. Aside from the ones I mentioned and the ones Devise mentioned (-Chinatown, which I have seen), I can't really think of anything that would be a huge gap. Obviously, there's plenty of gaps in what I have seen, but nothing absolutely egregious like those mentioned here.

Never seen Star Wars. Have only seen the first Terminator (which I did not like). Also have never seen Scarface, Citizen Kane, or The Green Mile. EDIT: Though, to many people I know, the worst that I have yet to see are ones like Get Him to the Greek, though I have no shame about that one.

Oh totally. The site, especially with all the Israel-Palestinian shit going on is utter shit. Shit will hit the frontpage about how 62% of Brits think Israel has committed war crimes, but the headline used on Reddit (that got upvoted) makes no mention of the fact that the same study found that 65% of Brits think Hamas has committed war crimes. But in terms of just movies, ya the movie subreddit there blows. I love Guardians of the Galaxy, but the whole page today is just everyone circlejerking over how great it is. The opposite happens with movies they hate like Prometheus and American Hustle. When those came out, it was non-stop threads about how much they both blew (even though I personally liked both). The funniest for me personally though was watching what happened with Gravity last year. When it came out, everyone loved it. But, once it became popular, everyone turned against it and said it sucked and was massively overrated. For the most part, Reddit is pretty much how you described it. The whole Weird Al stuff was a massive marketing ploy that all of them got sucked into, but they were all too wrapped up into it to realize.

I can't comment on everything they hype up, but Moon in particular was pretty good. Overrated over there for sure, but still a good film. Drive is utter shit though and they suck its dick daily. EDIT: Plus, Fight Club and Pulp Fiction are very hyped over there. Maybe a tad overhyped, but again, both are still very good films.

Can confirm that I base what I will go to theaters to see on Rotten Tomatoes. I research the movies I plan on seeing months in advance based on who's directing it, who the actors are, etc., I keep an eye on when it'll be released, watch the trailers when they come out, and when reviews start coming in I keep an eye on it. If the reviews blow, my interest in watching it dwindles. If the reviews are good, I get excited and want to see it in theaters. Though, shit reviews don't completely make me not want to see something (i.e. I still want to see The Monuments Men in spite of its shit reviews), but shit reviews guarantee I won't see it in theaters since there's no point in spending that much on a movie that is likely not that good. When it came to Guardians of the Galaxy, I wasn't really that interested in seeing it until I started hearing the good buzz surrounding it then I planned on going to see it. That happens plenty of times as well. I do a lot of research on upcoming movies and have a big list of what I want to see, but good buzz for a movie I may have not been interested in initially is always quite convincing. GotG is just a recent example of that for me. Also, on Dredd, it actually has solid reviews. Got a 78% (6.5/10 average score) on Rotten Tomatoes, which is alright and Reddit, in particular, hypes it to no end. It just had no marketing, since I had never heard of it until I started frequenting Reddit.

I was honestly kidding, but alright. #rekt Though, I am not a huge comic book guy myself, so you're picking a fight with the wrong fan. I just like the superhero movies. I know fuck all about the characters or the world they have when I go see them. So while Sandro's freaking out about Thanos being introduced, I have no clue who he is.

Damien - 0 Devise - 1 #rekt

NORTH AMERICAN ANALYSIS: MINOT GLADIATORS by Thor Ludvigsen, VHL.com Last week, we here at VHL.com covered the Brampton Blades. Sporting a lack of talented defenders and no goalie, the Blades seemed to be entirely relying on their offensive prowess to succeed. However, since the article came out, they have clearly read our words and took them to heart, as they acquired Ikier Manushez, a goalie, from Turku. They also picked up a top-notch VHL prospect in Lukas Nyqist, who will join their loaded attacking game. In addition, Brampton acquired defenseman Spud Murphy in the same deal and while he is nothing special, he at least plays defense for a living. VHL.com also discovered that the General Manager of Brampton is Terrence Fong, rather than Damon Wolfe. We blame Mr. Bunclewirth and crew for putting out false information. Anyways, that concerns last's week article. This week, we turn our focus to the boys in North Dakota; the Minot Gladiators. Currently in last place in the North American Conference at 7-10-1, the Gladiators will need to turn it around to play a factor in this season's playoffs. Can they? Well, let us take a look at who they have lacing up for them every night. Forwards Unlike Brampton, the Minot Gladiators are lacking in offensive talent. The only player they have who will have a future in the VHL at this position is American right winger Ashton Galbraith. The 6'4" Wisconsin-born youngster is very raw still, but at 122 practice hours, he brings a lot of experience to the table every night. A good skater, Galbraith largely plays a playmaking role for the Gladiators, due to his great passing skill. He also has a solid shot, but he needs to work on getting it on net more consistently. This year, he has 20 points, a -3 +/-, 12 penalty minutes, and 28 hits. He also earned quite the reputation as being a clutch player, thanks to tallying three game winners this season. Considering Minot has won just 7 games, the fact that he scored the winning goal in 3 of those is certainly impressive. Galbraith is a prospect for the Cologne Express and is undoubtedly being counted on by them to pan out into a big success. Beyond Galbraith, the Gladiators have practically nobody on paper and in practice. Wingers Edgar Balthazar and Marcus Bjorkstand are alright by VHLM standards, but will likely spend their whole careers at this level. Both have provided Minot with 19 points this year, largely due to playing on the same line as Galbraith. Center Peter Keller is in the same boat as those two, though he has produced five less points on the year. The only other player worth mentioning fully is Canadian winger Marcus Hurley. Currently Minot's leading goal scorer with 13, Hurley has 36 practice hours to his name and has used that time to almost exclusively improve his scoring ability. A Season 40 VHL Entry Draft prospect, Hurley is certainly turning heads with his ability to put the puck past the goalie, but his game needs further development beyond that. In particular, he is a slow skater and a poor puck handler, both of which will hold him back from being a success beyond the VHLM. However, he has youth on his side and as of now, he is a huge bright spot on this struggling Minot squad. Defense The Gladiators' defensive make-up is practically the same as their offensive make-up, as they have one very talented player, one draft prospect looking to prove himself, and a couple of below average VHLM players. The most crucial player to the success of this unit is VHLM veteran Matt Rielly. A Season 32 prospect, Rielly has fallen short of expectations, but at 100 practice hours, he is quite useful on a VHLM roster. He has a laser of a shot from the blue line and is a good skater, allowing him to make young VHLM defenders and goalies look foolish. Through 18 games, he is currently the leading scorer for Minot with 26 points. He has also chipped in with 46 hits and 45 blocked shots. If Minot is to turn it around this season, they need Rielly to continue producing at this level. Alongside Rielly is Danny Schneider. A Season 40 prospect, the young American has just 24 practice hours to his name and is spending most of that time learning how to properly defend. Due to this his offensive game has suffered, with him just producing eight points on the year. However, with 29 hits and 20 blocked shots, Schneider certainly has shown flashes of being a top defender in the future. Minot also has Helsinki Titan prospect Ryan Barrett and Toronto Legion prospect Pierre-Luc Tanguay on the roster, but neither play a huge role or are expected to amount to much, due to their poor work ethics. Their on ice performance is also poor, as they have a combined 18 points to their names. They also have a combined -4 +/-, with both proving to be major liabilities when playing. The only thing Barrett and Tanguay bring to the table is their ability to play a few minutes and allow Rielly and Schneider to catch their breaths. Goalies In goal, the Gladiators trot out Canadian netminder TotallyNotA Bear. A member of the S33 draft class, Bear is a career VHLM player and does really not anything well. However, his performance has been anything but subpar, as has a 3.91 goals against average and saves 89% of shots he faces. Based on face value, these stats are lackluster, but luckily for Bear, his competition in the VHLM is lackluster, as is GAA is 5th best in the league and his save percentage is the 3rd best. While he is not really developed, Bear somehow manages to perform adequately for Minot, so compared to their forwards and defenders, Bear is a definite plus. Overall There is not much to praise on this Minot team. They have a few interesting prospects who could turn into something, but as of now, they are largely undeveloped. Their goalie is also alright, but they could certainly do far better and seem to be settling for whatever guy they can find. The Gladiators also severely lack depth anywhere on the ice and are largely relying on the production of two to three players to carry the team to the promised land. Sadly, even though they have produced, the team is still struggling. Minot would be wise to trade all of their assets and start over, because this squad is never going to win the Founders Cup and would be hard pressed to make the playoffs in a competitive North American Conference. 1,122 words

Just got back from Guardians of the Galaxy and holy fuck it's awesome. I'm not a huge comic book guy (though I watch all the Marvel movies anyways), I had never heard of this property before, and a month ago I was lukewarm on if I wanted to see it. However, it honestly delivers fully. It's funny, thrilling, moving, well acted, and above all: really entertaining. I cannot recommend this one more.

3-2 Turku

Royals Blades Lynx Wild

Not a huge UFC guy, but cannot fucking wait.

Ok, I can do it. This'll be my 3rd HOF article and my second one for Jardy. Fucking Jardy.

If we need another player, I can do it.

Me reading this thread: Ooo ya Ooo ya Wtf Phil Kessel? Ooo ya Ooo ya Ooo ya GET THE FUCK OUT KESSEL Ooo ya Ooo ya Lundqvist? Ooo ya Ooo ya WHY KESSEL WHY

Redefining slow reader.

Do you want to fight, punk?

NORTH AMERICAN ANALYSIS: BRAMPTON BLADES by Thor Ludvigsen, VHL. com Undeniably the superior conference in the VHLM, the North American Conference is loaded with top prospects and top General Managers. This superiority is showing on the ice this season, as all five North American teams are above .500, while just two European sides are above the same mark. Now, it is early on in the year, but based on preseason predictions, many expect this trend to continue. Thus, many also believe that the Founders Cup champion will come out of North America, so we at VHL.com will spend the next month analyzing all five North American teams and giving you an inside look at each team's make up. This week, the focus is on Brampton, Ontario, as we take a look at the Blades. Forwards On offense, Brampton is largely relying on the prowess of three men: Tyrone Williams, Hunter Backenbauer, and Hudson Backenbauer. These three get between 60-80% of the ice time for forwards and as such, you can expect to see a lot of them. Through their first six games, Williams leads these three in points with 15 to his name. He also leads the team in goals with nine on the young season, four of which came on the powerplay, showing Williams' ability when his team is a man up. Of all players on the Blades, Williams is also the furthest along in his development with 149 logged practice hours. The 6'0" left winger has shown great skating ability and a nice scorer's touch in his young career and is also considered one of the top prospects for Quebec City, after being selected by them in the S39 VHL Entry Draft. Alongside Williams on the first line are the Backenbauer brothers. Both of the young men are fairly equal at this stage in their development, with Hudson having two extra hours than his brother Hunter. A left winger, Hudson is still very raw in most aspects of the game, but do not tell him that, as thus far, he has 14 points and 14 hits, showing a nice physical element to his game. He is property of the Calgary Wranglers. Meanwhile, Hunter was selected by the Cologne Express this season and is definitely more of a sniper, as he has a great scorers touch and is a very big threat to goalies coming down the center of the ice. Thus far, he has 12 points and 16 hits, showing similar skills to his brother. He has also won 56.69% of the face-offs he has taken, displaying great confidence in his skills in the face-off circle. Beyond these three, the only other forward of note is career minor leaguer DuJuan Cook, who has stunned everybody by breaking out with a team leading 17 points thus far. He is expected to slow down his pace as the season progresses, but he is certainly providing some unexpected points for the Blades. Defense When it comes to defense, Brampton is a little light, as they have just two players and both are career minor leaguers. Firstly, the oldest of the two is Season 35 prospect Mikko Leskonnen. A strong young man who has some skill in his own zone, Leskonnen has seven points thus far, as well as 19 hits and 11 blocked shots. Compared to his defensive partner, Herman Mudgett, he is producing just as much, though he is far more physical. Speaking of Mudgett, he is a former Season 36 prospect who is incredibly raw. He does not do much well, though his strength is definitely in his skating, in addition to his skill on defense. With eight points, seven hits, and 12 blocked shots this season, his statline is practically identical to Leskonnen's, aside from the hit total. Ultimately, anything these two produce is a nice plus for Brampton, as expectations are very low. General Manager Damon Wolfe is likely just hoping his forwards manage to outscore opponents and off-set any easy chances allowed by this duo. Goalies Brampton, somehow, has no goalies on their roster. How they expect to stop pucks I do not know, but somehow they still win games. How bad does a team have to be to lose to a team with no goalie? Overall Wolfe's philosophy is clear: it does not matter how bad our defense or goalie is, as our offense will simply outscore opponents. Somehow, this has worked well so far, as the team is 5-1 with a +11 goal differential. However, one must wonder how they expect to continue that pace and stay consistent throughout the year with no defense or goalie talent. If anybody is looking for some talent on the back-end via trade or via waivers, it is undoubtedly Brampton. Add a solid goalie and some good defensive prospects to this team and you may have something, but as of now, I see no way this team lifts the Founder's Cup. 823 words

>Implying you're not still considered a younger viewer

4-1 Wild

Outlaws Storm Blades Lynx

I might as well not even be in the net, haha. Good win, boys!