Eric Queefson Bio

[twists 409]

Trials and Tribulations

By,

Eric Queefson

 

I grew up in a small town in Ohio. I can't even remember the name because I had so many bad memories there that I blacked it out. I grew up in Ohio is really all you need to know anyways. My parents were pretty nice except when Dad drank and Mom took her "coffee pills". Come to think of it, they were never nice. From a young age whenever I made a mistake Dad would finish his bottle of liquor and then beat me with it after. According to him I was constantly ruining his life and my Mom should have gotten an abortion. Between the physical and mental abuse that I suffered at home, I needed to find a way to escape. That escape was hockey. Since my parents never spent a penny on my existence, I had to work in order to play hockey. There weren't many jobs available to children 8 years and up, but luckily I found a job as a factory worker for Apple. They're pretty proud of their child labor, so it worked out well for me. I was only earning about a dollar an hour, so I tended to pull 20 hour shifts. I didn't sleep much when I was a child, I wonder if that's why the development of my brain never surpassed a 12 year old. At first I could only afford sticks and pucks, but as I got older I could spend even less time sleeping so I could earn more money at Apple. When I turned 12 they gave me a one dollar raise. This was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life. I could suddenly afford DOUBLE the hockey I was already paying for. This is when I began playing actual hockey for a team. I shot through the various leagues, and ended up playing with kids that were 18 years old.

 

After almost dying one night due to frostbite (I left my abusive parents house to live on the streets), I decided to buy a one way ticket to Los Angeles. At least there I could stay warm on the streets. After one of my practices I bumped into a man named @InstantRockstar. He was the GM of the hockey team local to LA (the Stars). He told me that he was out doing some scouting and had watched my whole practice. After that he muttered something about retention rates and seemed to space out for a second. Then he looked me right in the eye and said, "Son, I know you're good at hockey and one day you will be a pro. I'm going to pay for you to attend a hockey boarding school". I was really excited, not as excited as the time I got a dollar raise from the Apple factory, but still excited! I failed all of my classes constantly. In fact, my science teacher told me she had never met someone with a lower IQ than me! I took that as a compliment (lower score is better right). After almost getting cut from the team due to my grades, I started paying a fuckin' nerd to do my homework for me. He also let me cheat off of him during tests. I think he thought we were friends or something, but who the fuck would be friends with a nerd am I right? I was pretty popular at school. I definitely Eiffel Tower'd some bitch when I was a Junior with my friend @Spartan . I got so much pussy you wouldn't believe that I had been homeless literally a year before. I guess it was due to the fact that I had taken the team from being last place in the division to back to back championships. I defended the puck so well that I was basically a second goaltender for our team. In fact, when they announced awards at the end of the season I always won Goaltender of the Year over an actual goaltender. Naturally, I was always the MVP of the league every year I played. As my senior season finished, I knew I had to figure something out or I'd be going back to living on the streets.

 

In my final week of school I got a message from @Blazzer. I was super eager to open it because I thought I was getting a free porn subscription, but it turned out I just didn't know how to read. Anyway, I got an offer to finish out S87 with the minor league team known as the Las Vegas Aces. It was definitely a good alternative to living on the streets, so I decided to accept. I rented an apartment for a month, but it just didn't feel like home. I decided to default on my rental agreement and move back into my box behind Chipotle. That brings us to where I am now, hopefully I'll be good in the VHLM!

 

830 words

[Doomsday 4,130]

@InstantRockstar for Elmebeck, what a beauty.

[Blazzer 759]

8 hours ago, twists said:

I decided to default on my rental agreement and move back into my box behind Chipotle. That brings us to where I am now, hopefully I'll be good in the VHLM!

The arena has a cozy loft 

[Daniel Janser 2,171]

On 2/25/2023 at 7:51 AM, Blazzer said:

The arena has a cozy loft 

And not to forget a zampony and the Juan ceson training facility.