Claimed:Victor Steps Down and it’s Encarnacion’s Fault Because Of Course It Is [Final: 6/6]

[Tagger 2,722]

At least Victor did a better job than this guy ever will do

 

The VHL universe was stunned last week when long-time commissioner Victor Alfredsson stepped down from his position at the top of the company to take a lesser role within the Board of Governors. With the decision coming off the back of two resignations from the General Manager roles from the Cologne Express and the Helsinki Titans, it was rumoured that Victor’s decision for leaving was along the same lines of the departing General Managers (that he had other commitments outside of the league and couldn’t keep up with the strenuous activities that come with being a commissioner simultaneously). However, we can exclusively reveal that Victor’s reason for stepping down had nothing to do with lack of activity and was in fact an admission of failure for not fulfilling the one main promise he had given to the Board of Governors.

 

The promise in question regards perhaps the most inept human being to ever set foot in a VHL rink, Edwin Encarnacion, and his quest to set VHL records, which would permanently soil the reputation of the league. While Encarnacion had not broken any records prior to Victor’s resignation, he was just a matter of productive games away from becoming the all-time leader in hits from the blue line, something which the Board of Governors had made vehemently clear to Victor would be completely unacceptable. Seeing this, the Board of Governors gave Victor two options; step down with his reputation intact or be dishonourably discharged from his duties after Encarnacion had reached his milestone. Victor took the former option and it was left with former VHL defenseman Mitch Higgins to try to stop Encarnacion from making history. In an effort to give himself more time, Higgins faked a situation that would prevent any games for taking place the week after Victor’s resignation. He made an announcement to the league reporting that in a “drunken act of stupidity”, VHL’s Head of Scheduling Jardy Bunclewirth had used the papers containing key scheduling information as a notepad to give “women” his phone number. While this was far from the truth, the VHL masses were willing to accept this as such as they have never been aware of a situation where Jardy hasn’t been completely wasted.

 

Here's Encarnacion celebrating...Fuck this guy.

 

In spite of the delay, Higgins was unable to find a way to prevent Encarnacion from reaching the key VHL milestone that would place the Dominican in the record books, so he offered his apologies to the Board of Governors but promised that this would be the only time you would see Encarnacion mentioned in a VHL record book. Encarnacion, who is derisively referred to around the league as a “selfish prick”, could not give less of a shit about the mess that he has caused as the statement he provided below about his “achievements” proves.

 

“WOOOOOOOO! I am the motherfuckin’ best motherfucker in the world, nahmsayin’ dog?! Best hockeysman in the motherfuckin’ world! I told y’all that I’d be the guy to break it all, and I did nahmsayin’? And that even the fuckin’ half of what Im’a end up doin’ man, nahmsayin’? Im’a wreck that record book shit up good dog, it ain’t even gon’ know what hit it, ya feel me? But yeah, I gotta thank some guys for this shit…BAHAHAHA, NO! This is all me dog! No one can hit like I can, no one can steal bases like I can an’ ain’t no one ever gon’ shit on the ice like I can. Hell, tell me the last guy bring a hooker on the ice and straight up pound her shit in? EXACTLY DOG! M-V-Mother Fuckin’-P!”

 

What a dick…

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Content: 3/3

Lots of humour for my first Grading job. Plenty of "nahmsayin’?" 's in the quote, Edwin is a reincarnation of J-Roc.

 

Grammar: 2/2

 

"With the decision coming off the back of two resignations from the General Manager roles from the Cologne Express and the Helsinki Titans, it was rumoured that Victor’s decision for leaving was along the same lines of the departing General Managers

- just feels like in this sentence, there's a lot of "of the" and "from the". Sort of makes it seem like it's running on a bit, but that's just my personal opinion and not deductible.

 

"Higgins faked a situation that would prevent any games for taking place the week after Victor’s resignation"

- should be from, not for.

 

Appearance: 1/1

Easy to read and has a recognizable picture of Encarnacion's "WOO!"

 

Final: 6/6

[Kesler 1,514]

Claimed