Claimed:R.I.P Edwin Encarnacion, 2013-2050 [Final 6/6]

[Tagger 2,722]

Higgins, Gow and Shaw plotting the demise of Encarnacion

 

We had to wait eight excruciatingly long seasons for this day to come, but mercifully the time had finally arrived for the former baseball star Edwin Encarnacion to finish up his hideous hockey career. The Dominican born third baseman started off his final game in front of the Calgary home games like he started pretty much every other game of his career, picking himself up from the ice after failing to keep his balance. While this was greeted with the usual groans of agony from the crowd, there were three men up in the VIP boxes who were laughing with joy, VHL Administrators Mitch Higgins, William Shaw and Jim Gow. Their laughter was short lived however as their conversation turned to the serious matter of how they were going to deal with Encarnacion after the game. It had been well known that the VHL Administration had agreed to “remove” Encarnacion from the VHL after this game, both physically and from the record books, however even at this late stage a plan to deal with him had yet to be confirmed.

 

Mitch Higgins, the Head Administrator wished to stick by the original wishes of his predecessor Victor Alfreddsson (whose removal from power was partly Encarnacion’s fault) by burning Encarnacion to death via a flamethrower attack. The plan would be that Encarnacion would conduct a post-game interview with a stationed camera after the entire crowd had left, reducing the risk of civilian casualties, which would distract Encarnacion for long enough for someone to sneak up behind him and attack Encarnacion with a flamethrower. Neither of the newest Administrators agreed with this method however, as they felt that a flamethrower attack may not get the job sufficiently done. Both Gow and Shaw believed that a more efficient way of disposing of Encarnacion would be to simply mutilate him with a cleaver, therefore leaving no doubt as to his death. At this point, the three jokingly agreed that no action would be taken if Encarnacion were to beat up Logan Laich in this game. However, when Encarnacion did indeed beat up Laich, they made it clear they were only joking, with Shaw clarifying that his fingers were in fact crossed as if to give a valid reason as to why they were going back on their word.

 

Starting the third quarter, the trio had still yet to decide on how to deal with Encarnacion, so they used a local payphone to consult with the VHL Overlord known only as “Simon T”. The VHL Overlord made it abundantly clear that he wanted Encarnacion set ablaze as revenge for the Dominican setting his office of work on fire after hearing of the abolishment of rivalry games. With the course of action decided and the man known only as “The Fury” escorted to the game via private jet to take care of Encarnacion, all that remained was for the job to be complete. With the crowd emptying quickly after a woeful performance, Encarnacion remained on the ice to give a post-game interview to the stationed camera.

 

“Oh man, well it’s been a hella ride, nahmsayin’? Ya know when I came here, I came ‘ere for the blood of Ryan Sullivan, and I never got that man. But that just gave me more motivation man, made me want to punch every fucker in the league in the face nahmsayin’? Ya know, I think I can look back on my career man and say “Damn I did good!” ya know? Third in hits, second in stolen bases and definitely second in PIMs man, that was a big get, nahmsayin’? But ya know, wait what the fuck is…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK, I’M BURNIN’ UP INTO A CRISP, NAHMSAYIN’? THE FUCK IS HAPPENIN’, NAHMSAYIN’?

NAHMSAYIN’?!

NAHMSAYYYYINNNNNNNNNNN???!!!”

 

And thus the job was done, Edwin Encarnacion’s reign of terror was over.

 

[stevo 795]

NAHMSAYIN?

[Laflamme 376]

Content: 2/2 - Very good article. Sorry to hear about the retirement. So soak up the sun on a sunny beach somewhere south!

 

Grammar: 2/2- Nothing I could see. 

 

Appearance: 1/1 - Title matches the article. Great pictures. 

 

Final 6/6

[Phil 5,133]

 I nahmusayin

[Kendrick 4,741]

Claimed